Janeen,
If your friend doesn't sew or craft anything with her own two hands, she probably doesn't realize the time and other resources that go into a quilt, or anything hand-made. This is by no means meant to excuse quilt abuse, but it could be a possibility. I have a friend who is an art knitter and a weaver. She told me of a friend of her's who knitted an item for someone and that item ended up in the dog bed! Yikes.
If you think it is a matter of ignorance on your friend's part, rather than malice toward you or your gift (let's hope so), you may want to ask how she and her husband are enjoying their quilt. You can then offer advice about how to care for quilts. I have given quilts as gifts and as donations to auctions in the past. I always like to include some quilt care tips, similar to what we are all used to seeing in our clothing. Sometimes, people just need to be made aware of certain things that they may have never realized before.