the whole point of 'giving'---anything---is that its released to the person to whom its given....EVEN if its not taken care of or respected for the amount of time, $$, etc that put into it.
YES!!! We put alot of ourselves into the gift but after its 'given' there should be no strings attached.
My personal take on giving quilts is that I make the quilt for the receiptant to enjoy and use. I usually include a care instruction note---just like they do when you purchase clothing. If they chose to use the quilt I "gave' them in a different manner than I prefer--and it bothers me-- I shouldn't have "given' them it!
You have a big portion of your life invested in a 50 year freindship...which would be much more valuable than fussing over a quilt to me