Oh, Barb, I understand completely. I have suffered with clinical depression for 25+ years. For me, the answer is a little blue "happy pill" (no, NOT Viagra! :roll: Prozac is my little blue happy pill), that I take daily. I can skip a day once in a while and it doesn't seem to affect me. The problem that I have is that my brain chemistry needs the help that the antidepressant gives. I'm on the lowest dose possible. This information may or may not help you. If it does nothing other than get you to talk to your Doctor about possible solutions to your depression, then I am thankful.
I sometimes feel exactly the way you describe. There are times my house is a pig sty. It happens more often than not. But I have to remind myself that the dust bunnies don't care whether or not I am happy with my life, and when I am feeling up to getting rid of them, they will be there for me, waiting patiently.
I am pretty much a positive person, too. Spending time with my two grandsons (ages 2 and 4) makes me happy. It's hard to be sad when they are nearby. So loveable.
It also makes me happy to just sit and play with my fabric stash. I don't have to sew with it, just looking at it and feeling it pleases me.
Have you tried playing some music? There are times I just give in to the sadness and sit in a dark room, play some sad music and have a good cry. Release the tears, and let the brain chemistry have some relief. Then move on to some happier tunes. I generally use classical music, or sometimes opera. I can't be bothered with pop tunes when I'm feeling low. I'd rather use the music to elevate my mood without the distraction of lyrics.
Here's a bigger question for you: what makes YOU happy? Is is possible for you to take some time and take a drive? Go see some beautiful scenery, nature unfolding into spring? Go to the zoo and watch the animals? Try anything that may make a change in your mood.
I'd start with a call to your Doctor first. Sounds as if you have so much on your plate that you can't make a decision on what to do first. If you are that overwhelmed, it may be good to get on medication for a short while.
Keep us apprised of what is happening. We're here to listen and will help, if we can. And remember: better days are coming.
Odessa