I now soak fabric in hot (as hot as it comes from the faucet) for a couple of hours and then wash it gently in mild detergent and then dry it gently - before even thinking about cutting it.
I feel the agitation- and crowding - of fabric when it is being washed and dried is what makes "washed" fabric look "used/old" before it is cut.
I think shortening the stitch length to 12 to 14 stitches per inch and using a "real" 1/4 inch seam would be adequate for preventing the fabric from pulling apart.
I used some homespun pieces in a couple of couch quilts and the pieces are fine - after 20 years of use. The quilts are not washed that often - maybe four times a year - and the bindings are fraying - but the interior pieces are looking good!
I used Coats & Clark polyester covered cotton Dual Duty thread when making them. The fabric is fine!