I think we all "hit a wall" when we near our 50's -- whether it's the onset of menopause, changes in hormones, empty nest syndrome, mid-life crisis, S.A.D.S. (the lack-of-sunlite syndrome). For some reason everything seems to come to a head at the same time, and you can't help being overwhelmed. All above advise is good - especially figure out those things you can't control and force yourself to go with the flow. Families unfortunately don't behave like the Cleavers, Nelsons, or Father-Knows-Best. The best thing I ever did for myself is walk away from my sister, for once and for all. You can't pick your family, and you really don't need to feel guilty if you don't like them. Your mental health is worth a lot more to you than their's, so why give them the satisfaction of knowing they are getting to you. If she needed me, she can call and I will be there because she is my sister. But I doubt she'll call and I don't care. She made her own life and own decisions, and I refuse to take on any flack. So I walked away, and when I finally let go, it felt like a million pounds taken off my heart. Your kids -- that's between them. They are grownups now, let them fight it out on their own. It doesn't help to take sides or try to referee them -- they need to work it out. Who's going to step in when youre gone? And, maybe they just don't like each other and are better off not forced to be together. Nothing you say or do is going to change their mind, it'll just make things worse. I have NEVER known of a family in perfect harmony -- and if you think you know of one, they are just good at hiding it. Your business is one of those out-of-your-control things. Most businesses are hurting bigtime in bigtime ways (Lyondell Chemical Co. completely shutting down plants, Toyota trying to deal with all their legal woes). Times are changing, politically, economically, and socially. As much as we want to dig in our heels and pull back, doesn't do any good. Have to go with the flow regardless. Just take comfort in knowing you're doing your best and lots of other poeple are in the same situation. And as for your house -- I used to keep a spotless house and even got a tad bit obsessive when the kids were growing up. Now that I'm home with retired husband and four house dogs, the place is dusty, furry, and spotted. But I finally realized life is short -- if it's between cleaning and spending time with a friend or family member, I sure don't worry about cleaning. I try to keep it clean enough to keep the board of health away. When the sun tries to shine through my dirty windows, it take that as a sign to be outside.
In short, you're not alone -- we all have gone through it. Give yourself some slack -- let others deal with their own situations, and DON'T LET YOURSELF FEEL GUILTY OR RESPONSIBLE. Go outside and scream, throw something, yell a cuss word or two -- that'll help. Birthdays are just another day to everyone else but you -- Now that I'm approaching 60, I don't think I'll remember my own, either. Your kids are grown up -- your job is done. They are what they are - enjoy their good parts and let them learn from their own mistakes. Each is individual. Don't interfere with their battles. Clean your house as much as it takes to make you comfortable -- Home Beautiful will probably not want to do a spread on it, and the dust will come back. When it stops being fun, go do something else for awhile. At least you have people around who will help. And most of all, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, FIRST. You won't be good for anyone else if you're not good to yourself.
It may feel like it at times, but YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Don't let anyone trivialize your feelings and emotions, throw yourself a pity party without guilt to acknowledge to yourself that you feel lousy, and then try to loose yourself in something enjoyable until you feel better and able to take things on one-at-a-time.