I know exactly what you mean. I like colors that have been dulled. So for me to pick out white backgrounds or or bright colors that really pop with my regular choices is hard.
My next quilt is going to be a pain. I choose a black focus fabric and I can't find a grey rain background. Everything I choose makes the black try and recede. I finally found a dull olive green bamboo that should work.
Black is one of those colors normal it will recede but if it is will dull or tinted fabrics it will pop.