Thanks everyone. I think sometimes she wants help - but then she goes right back. And she's honestly had every helpline available to her - but either "they don't know what they're doing" or whatever other excuse she can come up with to stop the help. Unfortunately I'm aware that her dh is going to seek divorce soon. And I know it will all get worse. And I know I have some guilt for wanting to keep a distance. I've looked up al-anon but haven't done anything yet. Maybe I should. It's hard to "watch" a family member destroy themselves (I know this sounds bad, and I hate to say it, but I'm glad they live 'cross country from us)