Welcome to the Quilting Board!

Already a member? Login above
loginabove
OR
To post questions, help other quilters and reduce advertising (like the one on your left), join our quilting community. It's free!

Results 1 to 13 of 13

Thread: another 'blonde' story [no offense to us blondes, of course]

  1. #1
    Moderator QuiltnNan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    western NY formerly MN, FL, NC, SC
    Posts
    44,538
    Blog Entries
    45

    Wink another 'blonde' story [no offense to us blondes, of course]

    Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the TexasHighway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all want to be cops, huh?"

    The blondes all nodded.

    The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down, he opened it, pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities like scars and so forth." So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds.

    "Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"

    The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did, he has only one eye!"

    The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!"

    The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.

    The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back, and said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"

    "Yes! He only has one ear!"

    The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only
    see one ear! You're excused too!"

    The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.

    The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but...." He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"

    The blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses.

    The detective frowned, took another look at the picture, and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"

    The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, Hellooooooooooooo! With only One eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses."
    Nancy in western NY
    before you speak T.H.I.N.K.
    T is it True? H is it Helpful? I is it Inspiring? N is it Necessary? K is it Kind?


  2. #2
    Super Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    New Rockford, ND
    Posts
    1,736
    lol that is cute.

  3. #3
    Super Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    6,002
    Good one! Thanks for posting!

  4. #4
    Super Member MaryStoaks's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    La Quinta, CA
    Posts
    3,925
    Thanks Nancy!
    Mary

  5. #5
    Super Member Abby'smom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Oak Ridge North, TX
    Posts
    7,135
    thank you -- made my day!!
    diane

  6. #6
    Senior Member Linda58's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    South Texas
    Posts
    664
    roflmbo, thanks for the laugh!!!
    Linda58


    "A human being has a natural desire to have more of a good thing than he needs." --Mark Twain

  7. #7
    Super Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    1,639
    Blog Entries
    42
    That was good. Thank you for sharing.

  8. #8
    Super Member Chasing Hawk's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Pacific Northwest
    Posts
    7,759
    I am so glad I don't live in Texas anymore........with cops like that.........LOL j/k

    Too funny!!
    Everyone is born right handed, only the gifted overcome it.
    I have already committed my felonies, so people don't have to worry. (Russell Means)
    I swear to you, I am guilty of only being Indian. That's why I am here. (Leonard Peltier)

  9. #9
    Junior Member DeAnne-Mn.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Madison Lake,Mn.
    Posts
    275
    Blog Entries
    4
    Thanks for sharing the gift of laughter, I needed that.
    DeAnne

  10. #10
    Super Member caspharm's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Nevada
    Posts
    6,963
    LOL! She almost made it.

  11. #11
    Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    14
    Blog Entries
    2
    Turnabout is fair play, right?

    A friend told the blond man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year."
    The blond man replied, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."

    ------------------------------------
    Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a
    police station. One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"
    The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."

    ------------------------------------
    A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said:
    "Close your curtains the next time you & your wife are having sex.
    The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
    To which the blonde man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday."

    ------------------------------------
    A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the
    shampoo?" He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and
    I've just wet mine."

    ------------------------------
    A blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish.
    "I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet.
    The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me".
    The blonde man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".

    ------------------------------------
    A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat.
    It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
    He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.

    ------------------------------------
    A blond man shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and
    her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
    "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
    "No", he shouts, "this is her husband!"

    ------------------------------------
    A blonde man was driving home, drunk as a skunk.
    Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.
    A cop car pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the
    road. The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!"

    ------------------------------------
    A blonde man's dog goes missing and he is frantic.
    His wife says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"
    He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
    "What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
    "Here boy!" he replies.

    ------------------------------------
    A blond man is in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
    "Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
    "Hanging myself," the blond replies.
    "It should be around your neck" says the guard.
    "I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe".

    ------------------------------------
    (This one actually makes sense...lol) An Italian tourist asks a blonde
    man: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
    To which the blonde man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."

  12. #12
    Super Member caspharm's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Nevada
    Posts
    6,963
    These are great.

  13. #13
    Super Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    SW Minnesota
    Posts
    1,588
    My DH just looks at me funny when I bust out laughing! Thanks for the chuckle!
    When someone mentions quilting, I go to pieces!

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

SEO by vBSEO ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.