Banned from Target

Old 06-02-2009, 10:36 AM
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After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.
Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women -
- she loved to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.

Dear Mrs. Samsel,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom..

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12.. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'


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Old 06-02-2009, 10:52 AM
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OMG, my assistant is getting ready to retire (her husband retired in March) and this reminded me of them.

too funny, too funny...

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Old 06-02-2009, 10:53 AM
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!!!

My son works at a Target Warehouse, and he said someone actually did take/do a dump on the floor. EEEEWWW
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Old 06-02-2009, 10:54 AM
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:lol: :lol: :roll: :roll: :lol: :lol:
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Old 06-02-2009, 10:57 AM
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Oh, how funny! Don't know why, but the M&M's on lay-away made me laugh out loud! Very good :D
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Old 06-02-2009, 10:59 AM
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My faves are number 1,8,14

Number 8 cause sometimes the associates in retail shopping centers dont know when to leave you alone and they ask if they can help you find something every 5 minutes. One time is enough. If I need help trust me Ill let you know.
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Old 06-02-2009, 11:36 AM
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Ususally the problem of help is just the opposite, when you want someone you can't find help anywhere. Have even considered stopping dead still & yelling to see what would happen. Haven't given in to the temptation though. :lol:
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Old 06-02-2009, 12:12 PM
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Way to funny!!
:D :D :D :D
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Old 06-02-2009, 12:17 PM
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Oh my BW, don't have a favorite, started laughing with the condoms and still haven't stopped!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:



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Old 06-02-2009, 12:42 PM
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Originally Posted by butterflywing
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'
A delivery driver of my acquaintance had to use the restroom at one of his stops. He found the room and took care of business. Only when he tried to flush did he realize that he was in a display set. He was too embarrassed to say anything and slunk out the building. Not fast enough when he heard someone scream: "Who was the pig that took a sh** in the display??????"
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