Blue Light Humor...
10-06-2011, 07:44 AM
#1
Super Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NE of Fort Worth
Posts: 2,456
Statements that traffic officers give after stopping someone:
1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them awhile."
3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K. I'm warning you not to dot that again or I'll give you another ticket."
9. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC."
(National Crime Information Center.)
13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail?"
God bless these officers. They're only doing their job...
1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them awhile."
3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K. I'm warning you not to dot that again or I'll give you another ticket."
9. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC."
(National Crime Information Center.)
13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail?"
God bless these officers. They're only doing their job...
10-06-2011, 09:02 AM
#5
Super Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Washington,State
Posts: 1,602
Originally Posted by ljptexas
Statements that traffic officers give after stopping someone:
1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them awhile."
3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K. I'm warning you not to dot that again or I'll give you another ticket."
9. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC."
(National Crime Information Center.)
13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail?"
God bless these officers. They're only doing their job...
1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them awhile."
3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K. I'm warning you not to dot that again or I'll give you another ticket."
9. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC."
(National Crime Information Center.)
13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail?"
God bless these officers. They're only doing their job...
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