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Thread: Ever feel this old? Funny ?

  1. #1
    Super Member Kitsie's Avatar
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    Ever feel this old? Funny ?

    Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
    'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied...
    'Two years older than me'
    'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
    She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?
    ***************

    I've sure gotten old!
    I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
    New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
    I'm half blind,
    Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
    Take 40 different medications that
    Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
    Have bouts with dementia.
    Have poor circulation;
    Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
    Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
    Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
    I still have my driver's license..
    ******************

    I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
    So I got my doctor's permission to
    Join a fitness club and start exercising.
    I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
    I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
    By the time I got my leotards on,
    The class was over.
    ********************

    It's scary when you start making the same noises
    As your coffee maker..
    ********************

    My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
    Also, my memory's not as sharp
    http://s1248.photobucket.com/albums/hh485/KitsieH/
    Never regret growing older, its a privilege denied to many.
    Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

    Kitsie

  2. #2
    Power Poster
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    I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
    So I got my doctor's permission to
    Join a fitness club and start exercising.
    I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
    I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
    By the time I got my leotards on,
    The class was over.
    ********************

    Last time I tried to put panty-hose on -

  3. #3
    Super Member Kitsie's Avatar
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    Panty hose? What are those?? Probably won't match my slippers!
    http://s1248.photobucket.com/albums/hh485/KitsieH/
    Never regret growing older, its a privilege denied to many.
    Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

    Kitsie

  4. #4
    Super Member crafty pat's Avatar
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    Yes, I am feeling older every day, but nothing like a good laugh to make one feel better.

  5. #5
    Super Member dglvr's Avatar
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    Hehehehehe thanks for the funny and yes some of those relate to me. hehe
    Kim

  6. #6
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    Yep, some of those old people are still on the road with a driver's license. I tried to have patience because when I get that age I am going to fight to keep my independence too

  7. #7
    Super Member MaryStoaks's Avatar
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    Thanks Kitsie!
    Mary

  8. #8
    Senior Member ranbro's Avatar
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    I think it is just great to start the day with a good laugh. Thanks
    ranbro

  9. #9
    Super Member ljptexas's Avatar
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    Funny, funny!!! Thanks for the 1st laugh of the day.......
    ~ I'm a Blessed Nanna to 2 Grandsons & 5 Granddaughters ~
    ~ I'm a Blessed Mom to DS & DDIL, DD & DSIL ~
    ~ Mom to 3 cats, Callie, Buddy & Daisy ~
    ~ God Bless the USA ~ ~ God Bless Our Troops ~

  10. #10
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    LOL. Thanks for sharing.

  11. #11
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    Thanks for a great chuckle on my birthday, today...86, but I don't have ALL these problems, not yet! Because I'm still quilting, gardening, house cleaning, writing stories, cat catering and volunteering...I haven't time YET!

  12. #12
    Super Member Kitsie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by justme CA View Post
    Thanks for a great chuckle on my birthday, today...86, but I don't have ALL these problems, not yet! Because I'm still quilting, gardening, house cleaning, writing stories, cat catering and volunteering...I haven't time YET!
    Wonderful! Happy birthday! You sound too young to ever be old!
    http://s1248.photobucket.com/albums/hh485/KitsieH/
    Never regret growing older, its a privilege denied to many.
    Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

    Kitsie

  13. #13
    Super Member Latrinka's Avatar
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    Ha-ha, too funny!
    If a woman's work is never done....why start?

  14. #14
    Senior Member ShabbyTabby's Avatar
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    Someone young asked an elderly woman how it felt to be old...her reply was "put some sharp stones in your shoes, stuff cotton in your ears and smear vasaline on your glasses and you'll get some idea"
    Families are like old quilts....although they tend to unravel at times...each can be stitched back together with love.

  15. #15
    Super Member Kitsie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ShabbyTabby View Post
    Someone young asked an elderly woman how it felt to be old...her reply was "put some sharp stones in your shoes, stuff cotton in your ears and smear vasaline on your glasses and you'll get some idea"
    I love it!!!
    http://s1248.photobucket.com/albums/hh485/KitsieH/
    Never regret growing older, its a privilege denied to many.
    Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

    Kitsie

  16. #16
    Super Member Kitsie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ShabbyTabby View Post
    Someone young asked an elderly woman how it felt to be old...her reply was "put some sharp stones in your shoes, stuff cotton in your ears and smear vasaline on your glasses and you'll get some idea"
    I love it!!! You'll notice my "signature" saying I hope!
    http://s1248.photobucket.com/albums/hh485/KitsieH/
    Never regret growing older, its a privilege denied to many.
    Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

    Kitsie

  17. #17
    Power Poster nativetexan's Avatar
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    he, he, The other day i wanted to read the newspaper. I leave some store bought glasses near my chair and grabbed those and the paper. I went to put the glasses on only to find out I had my prescription ones on already!!!

  18. #18
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    Do they still sell panty hose?? thank you for the funnies, they made my day.
    Mary

  19. #19
    Senior Member almond's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by justme CA View Post
    Thanks for a great chuckle on my birthday, today...86, but I don't have ALL these problems, not yet! Because I'm still quilting, gardening, house cleaning, writing stories, cat catering and volunteering...I haven't time YET!
    You go girl!!!!!
    Mary

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by justme CA View Post
    Thanks for a great chuckle on my birthday, today...86, but I don't have ALL these problems, not yet! Because I'm still quilting, gardening, house cleaning, writing stories, cat catering and volunteering...I haven't time YET!
    Happy Birthday! You sure sound spunky. Hope you had a great day.

  21. #21
    Super Member sewellie's Avatar
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    Body totally out of shape - just had a knee replacement and that's what I do while trying to put those Ted hose (aka hospital designer socks.)
    sewellie

    It takes real skill to choke on air, fall upstairs and trip over completely nothing .... I have that skill!!!

    My plate may be full, but my cup runneth over with blessings.

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