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Thread: A good laugh! A little long but worth the read!

  1. #1
    Super Member kydeb's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011

    A good laugh! A little long but worth the read!


    Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

    A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

    Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

    WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the thing.

    Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

    There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

    I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

    So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

    The directions said that:

    a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;

    a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and

    a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

    All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

    What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

    I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

    I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...


    I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.


    If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution:

    There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is
    dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!

    A minute later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

    My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.

    The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.

    My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching..

    My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.

    I had no control over the drooling.

    Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.

    I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.

    I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

    PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

    If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!
    Debbie in Kentucky

  2. #2
    Senior Member kountrykreation's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2011
    My Toy Room in Texas
    I'm laughing so hard w/tears rolling down my face. Thanks

  3. #3
    Super Member burchquilts's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Holmen, WI
    Owwie! I love it! Tho I have to admit, I've thought about buying one for my DD (she's a young lawyer who works long hours & I worry about her walking to her car).
    (.(. (..`..♥ rebecca

  4. #4
    Super Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Orange Park,Fl
    Thank You. I am reading this at 8:30 on a great Saturday morning with my DH. Here I am laughing so hard that my computer is moving. My DH in looking at me like I am a crazy women.He took my computer from my lap.Because he just bought this for me a week ago.So with me still laughing he startes to read. We are both laughing with tears running down our faces holding our sides and backs and happy that we have 2 bathrooms.So funny.Thank you once again.

  5. #5
    Super Member coopah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Horse Country, FL
    Blog Entries
    Hilarious! Just read it to my husband and we both cracked up! Thanks for brightening the day.
    "A woman is like a tea bag-you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water." Eleanor Roosevelt

  6. #6
    Super Member southernmema's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Central Georgia
    This is hilarious!! Can't get this word picture out of my mind. Thanks for the laughter!!!!

  7. #7
    Super Member caspharm's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Very funny. I have passed it on to my DH and DS.

  8. #8
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Southern Ky
    great laugh I really needed it this morning

  9. #9
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Disney Oklahoma
    loved it and my stomach hurts from laughing

  10. #10
    Senior Member Linda - K.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Washington State summer, Sun City AZ winter
    I've seen this before and am laughing just as hard again as I did the first time. This is hilarious!!

    Thanks for posting it--you can't get enough of this one!
    She who dies with the most fabric didn't sew fast enough!

  11. #11
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Clearwater Kansas
    I too have seen this before and I am still laughing with tears streaming do wn my face. Thanks for the laugh.

  12. #12
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Jacksonville, FL
    Oh dear! I cannot stop laughing, crying, and blowing my nose! Sniff. Thank you, I now know my eye makeup is really waterproof! And I have a great forward to friends who live with weapons people.


  13. #13
    Super Member nancia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    my heart is in texas, philly and london
    Blog Entries
    i'm reading this at quarter til 4 in the morning and i'm making my dog crazy. i have laughed so hard that i'm squeaking and wheezing. i'm trying not to awaken my sleeping husband but the dog is barking at the odd sounds i'm making and i can't stop, even while i type this, and i can barely see the letters i'm typing because my eyes are tearing up, and the computer is jiggling on my stomach, and every few words i start laughing anew and then the dog starts barking again, and i don't know how my husband is sleeping through all of this, but he is, and that, too, makes me laugh! oh, and i would tell the guy to quit looking for his testicles. i had a dog that lost his and he's never found them either.
    The only bad days are the ones you don't get.

  14. #14
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Bardstown Ky
    Blog Entries
    Still laughing, I hope it's alright to copy and paste, because I know some folks who really could use a laugh. One is in the service. than ls Debbie

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