Go Back  Quiltingboard Forums > General Chit-Chat (non-quilting talk)
Grandpa gets audited.....funny!! >

Grandpa gets audited.....funny!!

Grandpa gets audited.....funny!!

Old 11-18-2011, 12:39 PM
Super Member
Thread Starter
Ditter43's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Crystal River Florida
Posts: 9,785
Default Grandpa gets audited.....funny!!

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.
The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle
and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying
that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How
about a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that
I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side,
and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way
this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily,
he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss intoa huge win.

But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit,
he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'

I keep telling you! Don't Mess with Old People!!
Ditter43 is offline  
Old 11-18-2011, 12:51 PM
Junior Member
Joy.lynn's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Saskatchewan, Canada
Posts: 148

Good one!!
Joy.lynn is offline  
Old 11-18-2011, 01:20 PM
Super Member
bjnicholson's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Cleveland OH
Posts: 3,220

Great one Ditter! I haven't been on the board for awhile. Computer trouble. Talk about old people, these changes are a real learning curve, aren't they?
bjnicholson is offline  
Old 11-18-2011, 04:57 PM
Senior Member
ChrisB's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Texas Abilene area
Posts: 805

love it. - need to share this one.
ChrisB is offline  
Old 11-18-2011, 04:58 PM
Senior Member
lee_stitches's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Central Kentucky
Posts: 352

Ditter, you come up with some of the funniest things! Thanks for the laughs.
lee_stitches is offline  
Old 11-18-2011, 05:11 PM
Senior Member
TnBecky's Avatar
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Johnson City, TN.
Posts: 875

Thanks for the laugh.
TnBecky is offline  
Old 11-18-2011, 05:45 PM
Super Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Kentucky - Live in Iowa
Posts: 1,168

Too Funny!! Love it!
aronel is offline  
Old 11-18-2011, 05:57 PM
Super Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: La Quinta, CA
Posts: 3,918

Thanks Ditter!
MaryStoaks is offline  
Old 11-18-2011, 05:59 PM
Power Poster
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 17,068

Thanks, Ditter!! Haven't seen you in awhile and I've missed your jokes
sueisallaboutquilts is offline  
Old 11-18-2011, 05:59 PM
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: California
Posts: 883

Ditter Ditter they just keep gettin better !!! LOL
Happy Thanksgiving !
Dianemarie is offline  
Related Topics
Thread Starter
Last Post
General Chit-Chat (non-quilting talk)
03-08-2012 10:50 AM
General Chit-Chat (non-quilting talk)
06-26-2011 12:20 PM
General Chit-Chat (non-quilting talk)
02-05-2011 04:46 AM
General Chit-Chat (non-quilting talk)
02-03-2011 06:07 PM
General Chit-Chat (non-quilting talk)
01-12-2011 10:18 AM

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

FREE Quilting Newsletter

SEO by vBSEO ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.