Heavy decison to make
03-26-2010, 07:32 AM
#12
Super Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Central PA
Posts: 1,610
Originally Posted by sandpat
Whatever happened between the 2 of you before and during those 5 years had nothing to do with the stepson. He didn't cause or contribute to it. I think it only shows that the young man has respect for your DH. Let the young man into your life with an open mind and heart...you never know what he is going to teach you.
03-26-2010, 08:13 AM
#13
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Mount Vernon, Oh
Posts: 698
Originally Posted by QuiltingGrannie
He was a good influence on their lives. He entered their lives when the boys were little, all pre-teens. Their real biological father was abusive, alcoholic etc and my DH showed them a life that was different and positive.
I do think it is special that he wants to reconnect with DH knowing that it will be connecting with me. That says something, too.
I know I will be anxious about it until it happens but will do my best.
Thanks for all your good thoughts.
I do think it is special that he wants to reconnect with DH knowing that it will be connecting with me. That says something, too.
I know I will be anxious about it until it happens but will do my best.
Thanks for all your good thoughts.
03-26-2010, 08:29 AM
#14
Super Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: East Coast
Posts: 2,221
You're not saying the step-son is a problem himself. It may actually ease the pain if you welcome him and get to know him as a person your husband cares about. Separate out the boy himself from the pain of the past.
Also, think of it this way: The boy doesn't have a great father. Would you want to refuse him the chance to connect with someone he sees as a good father figure?
And if your husband in turn cares about him, would you really want to keep your husband apart from someone he cares about?
Also, think of it this way: The boy doesn't have a great father. Would you want to refuse him the chance to connect with someone he sees as a good father figure?
And if your husband in turn cares about him, would you really want to keep your husband apart from someone he cares about?
03-26-2010, 08:36 AM
#15
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Washington state
Posts: 820
I would do two things. First I would talk with my husband about how it makes me feel so that we could handle this together. Second, I would have some boundaries about this situation. I can't tell you what boundaries I would have because I'm not in the situation, but I would have boundaries...i.e. my husband, myself and this boy meet somewhere away from my home (maybe at a resturant).
Like the others, I would give the boy a chance. He may need to talk to your husband about things so if private time is needed between your husband and him, I would give them the opportunity.
Like the others, I would give the boy a chance. He may need to talk to your husband about things so if private time is needed between your husband and him, I would give them the opportunity.
03-26-2010, 01:28 PM
#16
Google Goddess
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Central Indiana (USA)
Posts: 30,181
I would let him come and visit. It sounds like he is wanting to get back together with all of you.
Please take care of yourself and let us know how it works out.
Remember this quilting board is our family! Good Luck!
Please take care of yourself and let us know how it works out.
Remember this quilting board is our family! Good Luck!
03-26-2010, 02:30 PM
#17
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Arizona
Posts: 527
I agree with craftybear-I would let him come. Regardless of the situation that created his involvement in your husband's (and now your) life, the children here are innocent in the whole thing. I have a huge extended family and I have come to the conclusion that a child, no matter how they came into your life, can never have enough love and enough positive influences in their lives. God works in strange ways sometimes.
03-26-2010, 04:42 PM
#18
Super Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: was Upstate NY, now NC & TN
Posts: 2,328
Re-frame it in this way -
We all have experiences that don't involve the others we love. Even just going to work isn't something we share. But the sum of our experiences - those we share with the ones we love and those that are just ours - make us who were are.
If your husband hadn't gone through that 5 year period away from you and with this boy's mother, perhaps he wouldn't be someone you want to be with again now. That helped shape him to be someone you wanted to love again.
Instead of feeling threatened by that time, seek to feel grateful that it caused him to return to you.
We all have experiences that don't involve the others we love. Even just going to work isn't something we share. But the sum of our experiences - those we share with the ones we love and those that are just ours - make us who were are.
If your husband hadn't gone through that 5 year period away from you and with this boy's mother, perhaps he wouldn't be someone you want to be with again now. That helped shape him to be someone you wanted to love again.
Instead of feeling threatened by that time, seek to feel grateful that it caused him to return to you.
03-26-2010, 07:40 PM
#20
Power Poster
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: SW Iowa
Posts: 32,855
I can tell you are going to say yes. You love him and even though it will be hard for you you will do it for your husband. It is a tribute to him that he made such an impact on this boy he wants to see him again. It will be difficult but I say yes.
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