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Thread: It's not fun getting old!.....funny?

  1. #1
    Super Member Ditter43's Avatar
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    Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
    "How old was your husband?"
    "98," she replied.
    "Two years older than me."
    "So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
    She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"

    Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
    "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.
    She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

    The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

    I've sure gotten old!
    I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
    I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
    Have bouts with dementia.
    Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
    Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
    Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

    I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

    My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
    Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

    Know how to prevent sagging?
    Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

    It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

    These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."

    THE SENILITY PRAYER :
    Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
    the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
    and the eyesight to tell the difference.

  2. #2
    Super Member
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    to funny :lol: :lol: :lol: but so true

  3. #3
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    lol. i love the leotard one!! hehehe Hit to close to home
    with me!

  4. #4
    Super Member SherriB's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ditter43
    Know how to prevent sagging?
    Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
    I think this one will do just fine for me! :mrgreen: :mrgreen: Do you think the Dr. will agree? LOL!

  5. #5
    Super Member LeeAnn's Avatar
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    I've sure gotten old!
    I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
    I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
    Have bouts with dementia.
    Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
    Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
    Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

    This one describes my FIL. Scary but true.

  6. #6
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    I love the jokes you send , they give me a good laugh. On this one I especially like the one about eating to prevent wrinkles! That is one of my DH favorite things to tell people when they ask how does he stay so young looking? He is 68 and still a toot!

  7. #7
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    I'm none too sure how to start a new log, but just got this from a friend and can't wait to share it.

    Lovely wedding, handsome groom, dignified wedding, but......






    This is so funny! They paid a lot for the videographers, and they
    did a great job! Look at the clarity and the reactions
    they caught. This couple are going to cherish this
    video forever. If the bride's laugh
    doesn't start you laughing, you've lost your
    funny bone.

    http://www.flixxy.com/wedding-ceremony.htm

  8. #8
    Super Member MaryStoaks's Avatar
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    So true Ditter!! :thumbup: :thumbup:

  9. #9
    Super Member May in Jersey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cherryberry
    lol. i love the leotard one!! hehehe Hit to close to home
    with me!
    It certainly did, LOL! May in Jersey

  10. #10
    Super Member grammiepamie's Avatar
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    It's funny how I see myself in some of these paragraphs. Good one!!!!!!!!!!!! Yea Ditter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  11. #11
    Super Member jemma's Avatar
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    i bet they have a long and joyfull marrage

  12. #12
    Super Member Annaquilts's Avatar
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    What would I do without my daily laugh from a Ditter post? Thanks!!!!!!!

  13. #13
    Super Member jitkaau's Avatar
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    Just try squirming around with compression stockings for a good laugh!!!

  14. #14
    Banned
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    FANTASTIC----------keep them coming!!!!!!

  15. #15
    Super Member Psychomomquilter's Avatar
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    I am going to share that with my brother, 5 years youngetr than me, but I act much younger than him!

  16. #16
    Super Member clem55's Avatar
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    The old onesd really hit home, and that wedding video is darling. Better than my daughter in law who started crying and couldn't stop or answer, or the other one whose top button on her off the shoulder gown came undone and we were afraid she was going to show everything!!

  17. #17
    Power Poster CarrieAnne's Avatar
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    LOL!

  18. #18
    Junior Member ceegee's Avatar
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    Absolutely hilarious. Is there anyway I can forward this to my Boomer sons and a few oldies. I meet all these funnies criteria.
    ceegee.
    Everything hurts

  19. #19
    Junior Member ceegee's Avatar
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    These are hysterically funny
    ceegee

  20. #20
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    Hilarious. Will share w/ my quilting group.

  21. #21
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    You always make me feel that getting old is time for a little fun.

  22. #22
    Senior Member puck116's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LeeAnn
    I've sure gotten old!
    I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
    I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
    Have bouts with dementia.
    Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
    Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
    Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

    This one describes my FIL. Scary but true.
    MIL just told us she has the start of macular degeneration (sp?). She failed her driver's test, they told her to get a note from her DR. saying it's ok to drive. She did, they gave. I said let me know when you're driving so I won't.

  23. #23
    Super Member Ditter43's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ramona Byrd
    I'm none too sure how to start a new log, but just got this from a friend and can't wait to share it.

    Lovely wedding, handsome groom, dignified wedding, but......






    This is so funny! They paid a lot for the videographers, and they
    did a great job! Look at the clarity and the reactions
    they caught. This couple are going to cherish this
    video forever. If the bride's laugh
    doesn't start you laughing, you've lost your
    funny bone.

    http://www.flixxy.com/wedding-ceremony.htm
    Thanks for adding this...It had tears rolling down my face by the end!!!!

  24. #24
    Super Member ICU_FOSTERMOM's Avatar
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    Ditter and Ramona...thanks for the lift.
    I wouldn't want tobe in a world without laughter.

    Thanks from the bottom of my funny bone.. ! ! !

    (~.~)

  25. #25
    angieh1964's Avatar
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    hey ditter im posting the senility prayer on my facebook you are way too funny love the jokes keep em coming!

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