Welcome to the Quilting Board!

Already a member? Login above
loginabove
OR
To post questions, help other quilters and reduce advertising (like the one on your left), join our quilting community. It's free!

Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 43

Thread: Murder at costco

  1. #1
    Super Member Ditter43's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Crystal River Florida
    Posts
    9,770

    Murder at costco

    MURDER AT COSTCO




    Tired of constantly
    Being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary and then arranging to have her killed.




    A 'friend of a friend'


    Put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $10,000.





    The Husband said he was willing to pay that amount but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar coin that rested inside.


    Artie sighed, rolled his eyes and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.





    A few Days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Costco Supermarket. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.





    However, Unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras and observed by the shop's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave The premises.



    Under intense Questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was a lso quickly arrested.


    The next day in the Newspaper, the headline declared...









    (You're going to hate me for this...)




    'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 @ Costco
    I quilt, therefore I am.

  2. #2
    Super Member babyfireo4's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Peru, Indiana
    Posts
    1,567
    Blog Entries
    2
    Hahahaha! Ditter, you never fail to crack me up Thanks for the laugh it was well needed today.
    http://babyfire04.blogspot.com/
    If it makes you happy, it's worth the time!

  3. #3
    Super Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Alaska
    Posts
    2,733
    Laughing to myself

  4. #4
    Power Poster nativetexan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    home again, after 27 yrs!
    Posts
    16,256
    Blog Entries
    2
    I was waiting for that one! great punch line!!!

  5. #5
    Super Member brushandthimble's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    North of Boston, MA, USA
    Posts
    3,630
    LOL. I will have to share with my DS when he gets home from work. He works at COSTCO
    After 2 years with the same signature I have been requested to remove it. Bye

  6. #6
    Super Member TFquilter's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Idaho
    Posts
    1,519
    Good one! I needed a good joke today..thanks..
    We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give....

  7. #7
    Super Member Sandra-P's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    New Mexico /Naples, Florida
    Posts
    1,366
    Oh Good One! I didnt see that coming!
    Sandra

  8. #8
    Super Member MaryMo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Missouri
    Posts
    2,827
    Yes, Ditter, I am going to hate you ... but gotta' finish laughing first .... and that may take awhile!
    Make it a scrappy happy day!

  9. #9
    Super Member Kitsie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Ridgefield WA
    Posts
    6,622
    Blog Entries
    41
    No, actually I love you! and your jokes!!!
    http://s1248.photobucket.com/albums/hh485/KitsieH/
    Never regret growing older, its a privilege denied to many.
    Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

    Kitsie

  10. #10
    Super Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Louisville, KY
    Posts
    1,277
    Oh, Ditter! Again I'm out-right laughing. Where do you come up with all your "stories?"

  11. #11
    Super Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Kentucky - Live in Iowa
    Posts
    1,161
    Too funny! Thank you again. You are the best! You never fail to brighten my day!
    Aronel aka Lee

  12. #12
    Super Member Yooper32's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Tippy-top of a ridge in WV
    Posts
    6,355
    Gee Whiz, Ditter, I think that you got me out of my blue fog this morning, with this one. I actually laughed out loud...it is soooo stupid. I am still chuckling.
    Yooper32 aka: Donna B

  13. #13
    Super Member Cindy60545's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Wills Point, Texas
    Posts
    2,438
    That's a great way to start your day! Laughing!

  14. #14
    Power Poster
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    30,833
    ​Very funny!

  15. #15
    Super Member ShowMama's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Central Texas
    Posts
    1,029
    That is a good one! I can't wait to pass it along to my DH & daughters.
    http://signatures.mylivesignature.co...B5F8C60F07.png
    There is no snooze button on a hungry cat!

  16. #16
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    California
    Posts
    899
    Another good one from Ditter; just love you !

  17. #17
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Normal, IL
    Posts
    561
    laughing,laughing,laughing

  18. #18
    Junior Member cpower's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Canyon Lake, TX
    Posts
    276
    Fabulous! Great laugh for my morning coffee, which is now all over my pj's!
    Chrystina
    Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning.., Satan shudders & says ..."Oh no....she's awake"

    https://www.etsy.com/shop/ChrystinapCreations

  19. #19
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    the beach
    Posts
    558
    Just recited this to my DH. he looked at me like I was crazy when I started, but got a good chuckle out of it when I got to the punchline. Thanks for the funny!

  20. #20
    Super Member sniktasemaj's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Hudson, FL
    Posts
    1,171
    Blog Entries
    2
    Funny story!

  21. #21
    Super Member yetta's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Manassas Va.
    Posts
    1,236
    Ditter, you are great,thank you for sharing .....
    Proud Mother of Sarah Grey
    Grey's Fabric and Notions
    http://www.etsy.com/shop/greysfabric?ref=seller_info

  22. #22
    Super Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    2,072
    Now that's funny! lol

  23. #23
    Super Member terri bb's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    St Maries, Idaho
    Posts
    2,196
    this was GREAT! thanks for the early morning humor!
    A rolling stone gathers no moss

  24. #24
    Junior Member Liz92B's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Calgary, Alberta
    Posts
    232
    ah, my {giggle} for the day - thank you {snort}
    Liz / Calgary

  25. #25
    Super Member Lyncat's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Buckeye AZ
    Posts
    1,246
    Too funny
    Thanks for the chuckle

Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

SEO by vBSEO ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.