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I work as a cashier in a gas station & get plenty of rude people (esp talking on cellphones) The other night I had a young man 18,19,20ish come to the register who was very indignant. He had held the door open for an older man & the man never said Thank You. The kid said if it had been him who didn't say Thank You, the older man probably would have blasted him for being rude & he's probably right I know the man the kid was talking about. He IS a rude son-of-a-gun. I don't blame the kid for being angry.
I can always tell when the kids who come into the station are in the military. It's always Yes maam, no maam. I don't like being called maam--it makes me feel old (I'm 68) but I appreciate that these kids are so polite. BTW I mean no disrespect when I call them 'kids'. to me, they're all just babies. |
Well said!
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Brings back many memories . But saw one last week when out on a 2 wk fishing trip . We were sitting around talking abt 25 grownups ages 27-65 and small kids 1-12. when My Mom 83 & a Dear friend 78 came out of the camper both have problems with certain chair . But one Great great niece 5yrs old setting in a good chair jumps down said Grandma Johnnie here then turned around pinched her brother 12, said Aunt Mables need your chair. Their Dad just smiled .My Mom kissed & hug her Mable gave them a home made cookie. But MY FAMILY was raised w/ manners or else(you didn't want any part of else). Its still alive in lots of families .
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I was asked to come to a Girl Scout meeting so that the girls could help me with the Christmas stockings for our soldiers. I didn't know any of the girls and was thrilled that they wanted to participate in this effort.
They really seemed to enjoy it. When their parents came to pick them up, the girls showed off their stockings and left. Just left. Nine girls, nine parents - empty room. The Girl Scout Leader thanked me said that she hoped that I would come back again and teach them something else next year. Not a chance. |
I agree that it crosses all ages. The other day we were going into the grocery store and this older man in a scooter was struggling to get in the door. My husband stopped and helped him through and he zoomed right on past, no "thank you" and missed hitting my two year old by a couple of inches in his haste. I was VERY put out about that.
Whereas, my two year old...if anyone sneezes ALWAYS says "Bless you" and when the reciever says "thank you" she responds with "your welcome." I would like to hope that we will raise thankful and polite children. I agree that common decency isn't common any longer. |
Originally Posted by ontheriver
I don't know if it makes a difference because I live in rural Alabama and but I meet very few people, children included that do not use yes mame, no mame when speaking to you or please and thankyou. Adults even address people this way if they suspect you are even a day older than them. Everyone is very friendly and polite. They don't dare let their momma hear otherwise. Even friends will use a miss or mr in front of a person's first name, like Miss Julie, or Mr. Wayne.
Jan in VA |
Originally Posted by ptquilts
as we move from a "community" based society to an "individual" based society, this will become more common. It's all about ME ME ME and who cares if your feelings get hurt.
so sad :-( , but so true...... |
Originally Posted by dinlauren
I have been teaching for many years and ever year have to teach common courtesy to a large number of children. I know the teachers at my school teach manners. It doesn't mean they internalize them if they are not reinforced at home or in the general public. I remind kids what good manners they have when a child, either in my class or another class, does something like open the door for me or pick up something I dropped. It is the only way I know how to get them to do it again and again...praise and example!!
I did the same thing when I taught----it was necessary! |
I can only say, well said Hen3retta..............calla
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We were taught that courtesy and good manners by our moms. So many children now are raised by so many different day cares,etc., I think they are very confused to say the least.
Sorry, but I think if you have children it is your obligation to raise them to have manners and common sense. Just my opinion....no offense intended. |
A friend of mine, who lives in our largest city, came to visit me and commented on how friendly the people in my city were. He was amazed that they actually said 'good morning ' to him. He has lived in the UK as well and we discussed this but still have no answer.People are busy here too but we do generally greet people as we walk by.
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[quote=SharBear]I think that parents need to be PARENTS - they are so busy trying to be best friends with their children that they fail to teach them right from wrong or good manners.
That is my soapbox opinion also. I think some parents don't want to commit the time needed to rear children to be responsible polite adults. Too much work. I know that there are many who ARE doing the job, but alas, there are way too many who are NOT. |
Interesting topic, have enjoyed the opinions.
We were taught manners at home, reinforced at school. Reminds me of a conversation had with someone a while back, this persons language was rough lots of F's B's etc. ask why used those words constantly, the reason was that's what I heard growing up, my responce was but your an adult you know better..... Didn't have much to say to that, that person did cut back on the rough language after that. Lucky that most of the children, in my world are taught better even at school from the small classes up, it teaches and practices the Pilars, really helps!! This is a highly, diverse area this helped create a Great School and Sucessful students with solid GPA's |
AMEN!!! I raised my 2 the way I was raised and tried to do the same with grandchildren. It pays off!! 2 kids who have made me very proud and 1 GD in military, 1 loving GD age 6 and GS, 9, who is all A honor roll, Soar for gifted children, opens doors for ladies, yes/no madam or sir, please/thank you, helps older persons pack grocery and load them, refuses money for his help, turned in [2] purses found at Walmart and 1 credit card.
YES, the old way is the best and it pays off in the future. It breaks my heart to see some of the younger generation so lost and ill mannered!!!! |
Sorry to say- teachers in many cases have lost their manners as well. We are constantly stopped and our kids praised by strangers for their manners- please, thankyou, may I and so on. They open doors for stangers, help pick up dropped items for someone, look a waitress in the eye and thank her, volunteer when there is something to be done ( other then at home) and so on- this needs to be something we teach even as strangers- it may be the only time they learn it
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I totally agree that people have thrown manners and courtesy out the door. I have a good example of this--2 years ago I made a western style shirt for a young man that my husband works with and he never even acknowledged my efforts. I realize that he has a physical disability, but the others at my husband's job that have disabilities do express their gratefulness as to any home-made gifts. Jeanniebelle
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Originally Posted by Hen3rietta
I was recently reading another post relating yet another instance of a quilter making something with love and affection and yes, gorgeous!, as a gift and having it treated as though it were just another "thing" and this got me to thinking about courtesy and good manners. I think it is the unintentional or thoughtless dismissal of someone's work, gift or time that is the worst offense of all.
When I was growing up, please and thank you were drilled into me. It didn't matter if I was handed a plate of abhorrent food at a friend's house. You said thank you, ate all of it and complimented the cook on the meal, if necessary with ambivalent words. What you didn't do, ever, was make anyone feel that whatever they had done for you was without interest or merit. If someone gave you a gift, you found something nice to say about it even if it would reside in the deepest recesses of the attic and only be brought out for visits from the donor. There were times when I'm sure my friend's mother would recognize that I had trouble eating the dish set before me, or a friend realized that the gift was really inappropriate after all, but good manners and courtesy, were the grease that allowed us to get past that and save face all around without hurting each other's feelings and recognizing a spirit of generosity in each of us. It seems that while society has become PC, all inclusive and non-discriminatory, it has lost the art of just getting along. It would be nice if parents and schools would start teaching manners along with everything else. |
At the doctor's office last week, all of the chairs were full of patient's waiting for their appointments. An elderly man came in and I wondered if anyone would give him their seat. A young man arose quickly and gave his seat to the old gentleman. I said to the young man, "That is a good thing you just did. That kind of respect is rare these days." The smile across his face was quite nice.
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I just think people are in to much of a hurry to rememeber to use them if they were taught them. I find this to be true with young folk as well as even older folk. I had an older gentelman let a door slam in my face and he was looking right at me. Unless he was blind, he saw me because he smiled. Rude. I especially find this in stores. It is like people think a shopping cart gives them a license to barge through without looking or even saying excuse me. I tried to teach my boys to be respectful of elders and women. Open a door for them or allow them to go first, that couple extra seconds isn't going to kill them. I know they still do when I'm around, can't vouch for them when i'm not, but I like to think they do.
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When my son had his first experience eating lunch in a school lunch room he was so excited and told me all about it. I asked if he remembered to say "Thank you" to the ladies who helped him. He answered "No, Mom, you don't say
'thank you' in school." And that was 37 years ago. Now he's a school teacher and manners and courtesy are very important in his classroom. |
Originally Posted by Ramona Byrd
Yes, I agree. And there exists somewhere in my same town a lovely, talented niece who probably is confused as to why she never gets any presents from me any more. She got some as a 9 year old..I still treasure her clumsily written hand made card of thanks for that first gift...then no other thanks for the next two, which were the last. Hints have gotten me no place, she did tell me thanks when she ran into me in town for one present....
And she isn't alone..unfortunately. But it does save a lot of money in gifts not bought. |
Loving this discussion. When my boys were little, we would have 'bad manners night' on Fridays, either at home or out in public. Not gross manners, however--they didn't have to place their napkin on their laps, elbows ok on the table, no reminders to hold their utencils properly, etc. Soon, the good table manners were so ingrained, they didn't need the bad manners night. My husband is from the South,(although his table manners are awful!) so his respectful to others manners were automatically emulated by the boys. Interestingly, now that they have children of their own, they have bad manners night at their homes, too, with full cooperation from my wonderful daughters-in-law. Now, if we could get all of them to remove their hats when inside-the priest even had to remind DH one time to remove his walking into the church.
For people who don't say thank you for a consideration, I just say, "you're welcome", with a smile, of course.... |
I'm sort of releived.. I thought that the attitude was just where I live.. The people are unbelievably rude.. Nobody cares about the next person.. and it's totally horrble..
Imagine being in the doctors office... and listening to the room before you, where the mother of the patient gets nasty with the doctor because he walked out of the room when she refused to get off the phone.. Hopefully, he asked her to leave, and not come back... Barri |
When I was growing up I was taught to respect my Seniors n Superiors and at that age it meant everybody. We could not leave the table without asking first and Please n Thank yous were the norm.
Nowadays it seems the only language that is universal in the younger generation is the swearing kind and they definitely don't understand what manners are. Such a shame s I have found in my life that not only manners but speaking well has held me in good stead and I have had a good one because of it, that I am sure. I feel for the present younger generation because to stand your ground and be different means bullying and worse, I don't know the answer and I don't know anybody who does :thumbdown: |
Originally Posted by SharBear
I think that parents need to be PARENTS - they are so busy trying to be best friends with their children that they fail to teach them right from wrong or good manners.
Have told my two that there will be plenty of time in their lives for us to become adult friends - but for now - I'm your MOTHER and it's my job to teach you what you need to know. lol my mom would have whapped me upside the head for that crap. |
Originally Posted by Hen3rietta
I was recently reading another post relating yet another instance of a quilter making something with love and affection and yes, gorgeous!, as a gift and having it treated as though it were just another "thing" and this got me to thinking about courtesy and good manners. I think it is the unintentional or thoughtless dismissal of someone's work, gift or time that is the worst offense of all.
When I was growing up, please and thank you were drilled into me. It didn't matter if I was handed a plate of abhorrent food at a friend's house. You said thank you, ate all of it and complimented the cook on the meal, if necessary with ambivalent words. What you didn't do, ever, was make anyone feel that whatever they had done for you was without interest or merit. If someone gave you a gift, you found something nice to say about it even if it would reside in the deepest recesses of the attic and only be brought out for visits from the donor. There were times when I'm sure my friend's mother would recognize that I had trouble eating the dish set before me, or a friend realized that the gift was really inappropriate after all, but good manners and courtesy, were the grease that allowed us to get past that and save face all around without hurting each other's feelings and recognizing a spirit of generosity in each of us. It seems that while society has become PC, all inclusive and non-discriminatory, it has lost the art of just getting along. It would be nice if parents and schools would start teaching manners along with everything else. Aunt Maud was visiting and invited to stay for "supper". When the host thanked her for staying and sharing the meal, she mumbled "It's more than I was expecting"... Bless her heart........ |
I know that it all starts in the home.
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it's hard for children to learn any civility when they have parents totally devoid manners to the point of not even having common sense. Somehow, along the way, parents responsibilities were taken over by shallow pop culture icons. Most trendy children these days can repeat to you the vilest of vile song lyrics but have never heard the words "please" or "thank you", and heaven above, hope you never have to be aorund any of them who might have to wait for ANYTHING for more than a few minutes.
I actually wait for the day the power shuts down in this country and people have to sit and have conversations with each other, have to entertain themsleves, have to learn how to live with real people whom they need to cultivate and be nice to because they need to help each other do things. sharet |
Originally Posted by MTS
Sorry, were you talking to me? I didn't catch it because I was texting on my smartphone while simultaneously checking the browser for the weather in Phuket while changing lanes without a blinker while driving 80mph on the interstate. Why? Because I can.
:roll: :roll::roll::roll::roll::roll: |
Biggest offenders -Freecycle recipients! I have given away many things to people who have expressed a need though this wonderful program. HOWEVER, more times than I care to say, the recipients drove up, picked up the item(s), put it in their car, and drove away with nary a "Thank you" (much less the courteous "Mame).
Recently, person asked for a tripod for photography. I contacted her and told her I had one and described it. She said it was exectly what she was looking for. So in 100 degrees (I am 70 years old and heat does me in) I went into the storage area rummaged around,and located it, cleaned it up, and waited for her to come pick it up. (I also packed a huge box of photography equipment and books for her as well as an extra surprise). I am still waiting. No call or email to cancel or change arrangements. I have given away a car, expensive fishing poles, plants, laying hens, on and on. I have also been the recipient of several items(one of which was a sorely needed sewing machine). Everytime I sit at it I think of the person who was kind enough to give it to me. Freecyle is a wonderful program (though often abused) and I guess I will still participate because of the few who are truly thankful. They make up for the rude, inconsiderate ones. (But I started keeping a list of those who are inconsiderate or who take things just because they are free to resell) Won't be ansering any of their requests, you betcha! |
Originally Posted by Hen3rietta
I was recently reading another post relating yet another instance of a quilter making something with love and affection and yes, gorgeous!, as a gift and having it treated as though it were just another "thing" and this got me to thinking about courtesy and good manners. I think it is the unintentional or thoughtless dismissal of someone's work, gift or time that is the worst offense of all.
When I was growing up, please and thank you were drilled into me. It didn't matter if I was handed a plate of abhorrent food at a friend's house. You said thank you, ate all of it and complimented the cook on the meal, if necessary with ambivalent words. What you didn't do, ever, was make anyone feel that whatever they had done for you was without interest or merit. If someone gave you a gift, you found something nice to say about it even if it would reside in the deepest recesses of the attic and only be brought out for visits from the donor. There were times when I'm sure my friend's mother would recognize that I had trouble eating the dish set before me, or a friend realized that the gift was really inappropriate after all, but good manners and courtesy, were the grease that allowed us to get past that and save face all around without hurting each other's feelings and recognizing a spirit of generosity in each of us. It seems that while society has become PC, all inclusive and non-discriminatory, it has lost the art of just getting along. It would be nice if parents and schools would start teaching manners along with everything else. |
I live in the south and I say "sir" to my boss and I"m 10 years older than him. Another thing I was taught by my mom, if someone gives you a gift regardless if you like it or not, thank them. I do the secret pal monthly swap and some of these ladies didn't even mention the package I mailed them.
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I agree, manners are becoming a lost art. We made sure our son (now 25) learned his manners when he was little.
However, as he got to the end of grade school and into middle school, we always got a laugh, since he would be almost rude to us, but other people would tell us what how well-mannered and polite he was. Obviously, the rebellion had set in. Now he is polite again and is surprised by how rude people can be. :) |
Got a wrong number call the other night. When I informed the young lad it was, he apologized, "I am sorry mam." and then he hung up. No smart remark, no slamming the phone off, but a nice polite I am sorry. Would of like to call his parents and tell them how well they were doing with him but didn't think that was appropriate.
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I dunno... I think there are still plenty of polite, courteous people out there, the only problem is that we seem to only notice the ones that stand out as not being so. I learned this when I was doing a lot of cycling--a hundred cars will pass you with a wave, a smile, and plenty of breathing room, but you'll remember that one guy who crowded you into the ditch on a blind curve with his horn blaring. Once I made that connection and made an effort to notice the polite ones, they sure seemed a lot more common than they had before.
I know it definitely does my blood pressure a world of good to pay closer attention to the nice people. The only thing I can do is live by example and hope it rubs off on a few. |
Originally Posted by MTS
Sorry, were you talking to me? I didn't catch it because I was texting on my smartphone while simultaneously checking the browser for the weather in Phuket while changing lanes without a blinker while driving 80mph on the interstate. Why? Because I can.
:roll: :roll::roll::roll::roll::roll: |
I was taught yes mam/sir, but teachers here have discouraged it now. The other thing is calling their elders by their first name. And we wonder why kids don't have respect. They are also given so much that have little to look forward to.
Clinton said "I guess because I could" when Oprah asked him about his dilly-dally behavior. As one other poster, it doesn't mean it is right. |
I work in a high school and next year we are having a big campaign called PBIS (positive behavior incentive and support) It's a NATIONAL program to teach students how to behave. When they are polite, act respectively, etc. we're to reward them. Give me a break, they should have been taught these things when they were 3 years old! We are definatly a ME country. It shows elsewhere in our society.
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All my children & grandchildren say yes mam & yes sir. Thank you & please. I was brought up this way & have done the same with my children. Last month we went on vacation with friends from California & North Dakota. The guys from California nearly passed out when my 12 year old grandson said yes sir to them. They were totally shocked & impressed all the same. The ND kids were very polite too. Not ragging on CA kids but friends said they didn't hear it often enough there.
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I'm glad to see that someone else has a problem with being called Miss First Name instead of Mrs Last Name. It seems everyone wants to call you by your first name from your doctor's appointment secretary to the stranger on the telephone who should be helping you settle an incorrect account or, heaven forbid, even the person trying to sell you something in a solicitation call.
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