Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don't.

(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.

(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

(1) eat less,

(2) don't ask for money all the time,

(3) are easier to train,

(4) normally come when called,

(5) never ask to drive the car,

(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;

(7) don't smoke or drink,

(8) don't want to wear your clothes,

(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,

(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and

(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children

:thumbup:

As a mother to two dogs....and 2 daughters......I love it! Very funny!

I've seen this before but it is always fun to read!

I read this to my big boy Ralf( The dog) he understood the food, the bathroom, the kisses etc.. but, he claims that the bed is not working for him, that's were he draws the line he needs a place to stretch out after a hard day of sleeping on the couch :lol:

No pets here, but I loved it!

LOVE IT!

Oh this is fabulous! Thank you for sharing.

ROFLMAO!!!! That was funny, but I LOVED this line!

I've seen this before but I love it!!!!!

My cats thank you for typing this out...now they have a declaration to shred...

:D :thumbup: :thumbup:

Sounds like my house

lol thank you for the funny. makes me remember all the pets we've had over the years. :lol: :lol: :lol:

Perfect. I think I'll copy the last part and post it by my door. :thumbup:
Thanks. That is really cute.
:thumbup:

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Oh how funny!! This made me remember my kitty. A 15 lb. cat had a queen size bed. I moved over, he moved over. I go around the bed to the other side and he would get up walk over to me and lay down again in my arms.

Thank You. My sentiments exactly. :thumbup:

too cute. spells it out exactly.

First time I've seen this..very funny!

So funny, made me laugh out loud because I own two dogs who would hate to get this letter.

:-D :thumbup: :D

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: I love this! Had to read it to my cat - again. He hates when I do that!!!

just loved it. so funny. i really needed a good laugh

I love this. We no longer allow our chihuahua to sleep in bed with us because she would constantly growl anytime my boyfriend moved. She is only three pounds but thinks she needs a Cal King all to herself. She now sleeps in a crate with her sister-a boston terrier.

I love this letter, every time i read it!!

My life is so much better with my pets!

Love this! Hurray for pets and their humans.

That is perfect for my house!

:lol: :lol:

LOL have to make a sign with that on. thanks for sharing.

That is to cute, thanx for posting. I am a animal lover. A banner should be made, it would be a great seller.

Hilarious!!!! Think I'll read it to Daisy, our 4th "child". Now that the human kids have been gone for several years, she thinks she is our only child.

This is too funny! Love it!

love it! :thumbup:

Very cute. I love the sign for the door.

We have 2 cats and one dog(lovingly know as the other woman.) One cat"Precious" loves to sit at our feet in the bathroom. She sees that the paper work gets done. :) Our four legged children fight over who gets the screen porch. The cats get it while the dog is getting her walk. the Dog demands that the cats go into the house when she is on the porch. We love them with all their quirks.

Oh that is too funny AND too true!

Ha Ha Ha. Loved every you said and so true.

Thanks that made me laugh this morning and its so true too especially in our house I've been pushed out of bed by our boxer a few times lol

Amen