Just as a side note, sometimes I DO say stuff like this - because I am dealing with a pushy salesperson who won't take no for an answer. I've discovered if I tell them I have to check with someone who isn't there at the moment, they really don't have much to come back with. Especially if I decide to have a little fun with them and say something like "I'm no longer allowed to write blank checks" or something goofy like that. So if you hear ME say it, don't be too concerned, lol!

I don't know if I would go to a bank for advice. They are in the business of loaning money. Someone suggested that we see an accountant. He asked us to bring in all of our financial info. When, he saw it all, he said, we should buy a house because we were paying tons of income taxes. (interest payments are tax deductible and I think the property taxes are also.) We were older and had no kids at home. We both worked full time. He even gave us an idea of how much he thought we could afford for a monthly payment. We were surprised that we could do it. We found a realtor and told him what we thought we could afford and it took some time because we didn't have a lot of money saved for a very big down payment. The first month or two of payments was scary, but it worked out great. That was some time ago, but I would say to just get good advice.
Also, the person who sold the house to us had purchased a warranty at a low price to encourage the sale. I don't think we had to use it.

I wanted something of my own for a long time, I hate renting - the money leaves your hands and is gone. Hubs (#2) has his own property and I have mine now. The most important thing is having the money to pay for what you want. Sit down and make a plan w/ hubs. If you both work, no kids, you should be able to save like crazy. Save til it pinches, cus once you own a home things happen and you will get pinched now and then.
I do agree, I would start by looking for a piece of land - only if you intend to stay put - things happen, jobs get moved cross country. In these times jobs are not a sure thing anymore.
I also wouldnt but any brand new anything, there are way too many homes out there banks should sell at way reduced prices. Find something that dosent cost more a month than what you pay in rent (include everything rent includes, or also add in what you would pay for ele/gas/water/utlities) Plan on how you would pay if 1 or both of you laot your jobs.
also, get a long mortgage(30yr - BUT you can always pay on the principal when you have extra cash, which allows the mortgage to be pd off sooner) and a fixed interest, AND, buy the ins (added in the monthly bill) that pays the mortgage in full if either of you die! Sounds goulish when you both say it, but my 1st hubs and I did and he dropped dead at 40 and I owned the home free and clear, which was a blessing. He made most of the money even if we both worked, I couldnt have carried the mortgage alone. sharet

LOL!! I do the same thing, and BELIEVE me, there is NOTHING I would need my husband's "PERMISSION" for...
there is that negotiating thing, which is why there is no dog yet, but... :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

From the terrified stand-point....

We live in a guest house right now. Cramped (espeically with two yound kiddos) is just one way to describe it. We have been working on paying stuff up, now have to build up the savings, but could actually look at getting a house in the spring, and that terrifies me.

I may not be 'happy' with our current situation, but it is what I know. Even though we are looking at a house payment that we can easily afford (ie the total of the monthly bills we have paid off) it still scares me. Not a big fan of change.

I can see where your husband isn't very keen on the idea. To be honest, my hubby had to basically drag me kicking and screaming into the first builders office. Amazingly they didn't bite, and we didn't have to sign anything to just look. It may be a fight, but maybe that is what you need to do to get the ball rolling.

PS - I agree on not buying a new home, expeically in a still developing community. Very hard to sell your used home, when a new home is going up right down the street. Meet with a realtor they will do a better job (not the best, but) in finding a good neighborhood for you.

A lot of the problems with forclusures right now is homebuilders using their own loan companies to get people into their homes. They will tell you pretty much anything to get you to buy one of their homes. This from someone who worked in the mortgate industry before becoming a mommy.

Whether you decide on a new home, or preowned, that is up to the both of you. However, I do believe purchasing a home is a good idea. Normally you will find you can have a mortgage payment lower than what you are paying for rent. That in itself should be a motivation to get him to look.

But you need to find out why he feels you do not need to buy a home. That is the most important factor. There has to be some hidden reason he is feeling this way.

Purchasing a new home, find out what the warranty is. Ours was great, they did a 3mo inspection, 6mo inspection and yearly inspection, and fixed anything I found wrong. And I do mean anything, one of the cabinet doors was a funny grain and I did not like it, they even replaced that. My daughter ran thru the sliding glass door screen and destroyed it, they replaced it for us. Houses settle in the first year, causing minor cracks on the outside and inside. At the yearly inspection they repaired all the cracks on the inside/outside and repainted. With a new home you do get a reduced rate on your homeowners insurance, which is nice.

There are some excellent buys on preowned homes right now, and you can get some excellent deals. What you might have spent 350,000 for 4 yrs ago, might today be in the 140,000 range. Some folks are just walking away from their homes, because of lost jobs, relocation to other areas, etc.

Now is certainly the time to buy. You do have to remember that you will be able to deduct the interest from you INcome taxes as well.

As for HOA's some of them can be a pain, others are not quite so picky. Read the guidelines for them before deciding on a new home. Make sure their rules are something you can abide with. Ours is pretty easy to get along with, they are really only picky about weeds in the yards, etc. They do not allow rentals unless pre-approved by them, which in my opinion is a good thing.

best of luck on whatever you decide...but before you can do anything you need to get hubby motivated to look with you.

its all about respect. i always consult with my husband before making an important decision. that is what marage should be. i think there would be alot less divorce and unhappyness in this world if wives would ask ther husbands opinions and respect them. and for the record i am happily married do not feel down troden and am deeply in love with my husband even though i ask his permision and opinion on things.
buying a home is a huge life changing decision and its very important to agree on it. it is better to live in a small apartment with contentment and love than is a big house with anger and distrust.

I am the assertive one---I would even begin to talk to a realtor and go and see some existing homes, with or without my husband. When he sees that you are serious, maybe then he will reconsider the house shopping and get on the same page as you. Marriage is a 2 way street and you do not have to do everything HIS way. With the economy and housing market now, you can get a larger, better built existing house for the same money that you would be putting into a new home. If you buy a home that is 5-10 years old, the "bugs" (not actual critters) are ironed out and it will be a great place to call your own.

Once children come along, the extra money just seems to disappear. As far as trying to get pregnant for 3 1/2 years---you have an infertility problem. Any couple who has unprotected sex for more than 6 months--12 months, is considered to have an infertility problem. You can go to an infertility specialist---did that and gave birth to 2 wonderful children after that. Adoption is also another choice. Done it both ways....and my kids are all MY kids!!! Love 'em dearly!! Feel free to PM me if you have any questions.

As far as finances,,,,how about skipping the "eating out" a few nights/week and eating at home. Put that saved money in a jar and watch it add up fast. More money for the house or for children that may come along. Crock pots are wonderful to cook while you are at work.

I agree with froggy,,,,you have a right to what you want out of life...Forget about the nagging wife issue..whoever came up with that anyway????

Sometimes it takes that "nagging" to get anything done. LOL

When he understands that the interest and property taxes you pay are usually tax deductible, he may agree and look into it. Sometimes we have to take the initiative and do the first move. Come with numbers. Show him last year's taxes recalculated with the amount you paid for rent used as mortgage interest and figure out what property and school taxes go for in your area. He may like to see how much you get back. In my opinion, the benefit and return in taxes is higher than the chance of the value going down. This only affects you if you are selling it.

I want to thank everyone who has given me some wonderful advice. I thank you all for your support. Unfortunately my choice of words, such as "consent", has painted such an awful image of my wonderful husband. This is the man who took care of me hand and foot during my mastectomy when I was only 28 yrs old when he could have easily walked away from me. But yet even after 5 years have past he still makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world although I have a scar on my chest. When I posted my message I felt I could receive some good advice from my QB friends. Thankfully I did and I truly appreciate the words of support and encouragment. But I should have known that I also would receive some very critical and judgmental opinions.

I (and other board members, I am sure) never meant to be judgemental. We just feel that you deserve some of your dreams to be fulfilled also. If you want that house, go after it! Start to check things out and show him what you have found. If you find a house that you like....have him go to the next viewing. If he is like my DH, he does not want to do the legwork but will listen if I do all of the prep work. If I make all of the plans and get everything ready for a trip,,,he will go and enjoy himself, but will not help with the preparation. Then we make a decision together. That's how it is here.....just think that he is not interested until it is presented on a platter. Might work for you???

I echo sailsablazin's sentiments. I don't think the respondents (all female I believe) were truly critical or judgemental, just protective. Sometimes condensing our responses can make us seem less sympathetic. Between us all we have racked up a huge amount of experience, and many have had to deal with more than their fair share of difficulties. I know personally, if I can help another person avoid some of the dramas I've had to deal with I will...anyway, wishing you and your husband the best for the future.

TOO TRUE.

Ref above, if you ask a question you must expect people to give you their opinion, they do not feel that they are being judgemental but honest in their way as was I.
I was brought up after age of 3 by my G/parents ,my G/mother a v liberated Victorian lady and was NEVER dependant on her husband and made many decisions without him and "steered" him to her point of view. We owned our own house from 1955 when the fuedal lord of manor sold up and have been always brought up to consider renting property to be a total waste of money-------why pay rent and line another's pockets when the rent money will go greatly towards the mortgage, you can then after a time climb the property ladder and feel safe in your life.

I wish you great luck with this journey. Hope you can both get what you need and want.

If you are buying in Texas, when you are figuring your house payment (principal and interest) make sure you know what your property and school taxes will be because they are pretty high. Don't take anyone's word for it. Calculate it yourself so you aren't surprised with a huge back tax the 2nd year you are in your house. We had to pay back taxes plus the new rate and our house payment went up by $500 a month for a year and then $250 after that. What a bad surprise.

Good luck and I hope things work out the way you would like them to!