Funny one liners
 

Hi,

I came across a list of funny one liners while cleaning out my file cabinets (ok not actually cleaning them out, more like moving stuff from one drawer to another) What are some of your favorites?
I'll get the list started with a few of mine.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

Common sense is not that common anymore

My get up and go , has got up and went.

Never argue with a pig; you'll just get dirty and the pig likes it. :D

It's not a matter of right or wrong, but what is the *wise* thing to do.

A day without sunshine is like...night!

Do as I say not as o do.

Too Too funny.

No good deed shall go unpunished.

You can't cure stupid!

Kill 'em with kindness!

I read this one somewhere,

"Never argue with an Idiot. They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience!"

Some people hate to have their opinions confused by facts.

Smile; it will make people wonder what you are up to.

I know a person who will never be cured.

Same person calls others 'idiot' but I know who the real one is.

If someone asks me if I made something that I didn't make, I say: "No, but I could have."

"You can't get walked on unless you lay down"

Today is the first day of the rest of your life

You get what you pay for.

Some people are like Slinkies -- Not really good for anything, but you still can't stop chuckling when you see one tumble down the stairs...

Smile at your enemy's. They will walk away & wonder what you are up to.

These are great! When my brain gets 'unfogged' I'll add some. ;)

The fog is lifting:


"People who don't like cats were probably mice in a previous life."


"I'm too busy to be organized"

It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
Engage brain before starting mouth.
You don't need to be twelve feet tall and bullet proof, you just have to convince some people that you are.
Attitude is everything.

As long as I'm able to become vertical I'm good.

this is the oldest you've ever been and you'll never be this young again.

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It's a quote from Mark Twain. :thumbup:

Never do today what you can put off till tomorrow.

It is none of my business what someone else thinks about me!!!

There is never a better time (to do something) than RIGHT NOW!

Well the nicest thing I can say about her is that her tattoos are spelled correctly. ~ Love that one!!!

I'm just a Raggedy Ann in a Barbie doll world.

Don't mess with dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

In line with loving mama: "The difference between genius & stupidity, is that there is a limit to genius."

It's hard to soar with eagles when you work with turkeys.

I have PMS and a hand gun - now what was your question. (That lived on my desk at work)

If everyone of your friends jumped off the bridge would you also? (Mom's)

Home security provided by Smith and Wesson!