To gift or not to gift, that's the question.
 

I have made about 25 quilts and gifted them to my kids, grandkids, and kids that feel like my own but are not. I love making them and giving them away. But I have not gifted any of them to a cousin. One of my cousins has been begging me to make her a quilt, which I would be happy to do If she were the only cousin I had. The problem is I have lots of cousins, many of which I am much closer to than this one.

My question to all of you is. Do I make her a quilt and hope that the others don't get their feelings hurt, or do I set out on a quest to make them all a quilt (not a real good choice), or do I tell her straight out that I can't make her one without making the others one (which will probably hurt her feelings)? What would you do in this situation?

You make a quilt for the cousin for whom you want to make one. I don't enjoy making quilts that aren't heartfelt and wouldn't want to take on making quilts for everyone. If anyone asks, tell them you will put them on the list and get to it when the right idea, pattern, and fabric comes to you - whenever that may be.

I think you should tell her the truth. You have a lot of cousins and would not want them to feel bad because you made one for her.
You could also offer to make one for her and charge an amount that you would charge a stranger or else a' family' price. You could offer to teach her how to make a quilt. Of course, if you give a 'stranger' price or a family discount price or offer to teach her, other cousins may come looking for the same.

That’s a tough question. Let me ask this, if she were to pay for all the fabric and you were comfortable with the pattern selection, would it appeal to you to say yes?

Since she really wants one, I would offer to make one at cost. The others may not be interested in a quilt or want to pay for one. That way you are not obligated to make one for each cousin

i like this suggestion.

Guess I'm a bit of a rebel...I don't feel obligated to do something for everyone if I've done it for one. I make quilts for those I want to make them for, period. If you like this cousin and want to do it, go for it. People get their feelings hurt way too easily any more...

I have to agree. The other cousin's may want a quilt but just not be as pushy as this one, i.e. asking someone she's not close to to spend many hours and many dollars for her. (I'm a bit obstinate about people who impose on me who have no right to, but I guess you could tell that! lol) Make quilts for the people you want to make quilts for. The rest can wait.

I also have lots of cousins most of which I never hear from even when they lived close to me. Why would I make them anything? I do plan to make quilts for one cousin and her 2 adults kids because she's the one that I'm close to.

I can't imagine asking someone to give me something, especially something they have to take the time to make. I would just laugh and tell her I'll add her to the list. Or if she insists, tell her that it will cost her. When she asks how much, tell her the price of the materials plus some amount for your labor. (The amount can be outrageous if you really don't want to make the quilt, or it can be reasonable if you don't mind making it.) And that will probably be the end of that. Just because someone asks for something doesn't mean you have to provide it for them.

She has been begging for a quilt so she must want one. LOL You said you were happy to make it so go ahead and make it.

If the others want one then say I'll think about it. Then forget it.

To be fair I would just tell her, you have to many cousins to make quilts for.

I have only distant cousins I have never met.

Boy that's a tough one. My first thought was that not everyone likes quilts so that may eliminate some, but then again maybe not!
Could you possibly offer to teach her how to make one? You could explain that it would be really hard to make one for all the cousins. (what you told us) Sounds like you have a lot of cousins.

If it were me, I’d do this: she can pick a quilt pattern from a selection you would be comfortable making, then meet her at the quilt store, then advise her on the fabric, batting and backing, thread. Add all costs up before any cutting is done. Will you finish it or have it quilted by a long arm service ? Add in that charge too. Maybe she’ll back out or if she wants to stand the cost, then at least she’ll get something in the color & pattern she wanted.

Not sure how close you are to this cousin - do you go to her house and you know that she truly appreciates having a quilt. Some people gush over things like quilts but you go into their home and it is highly decorated with everything matching. The quilts I make are my taste. Usually it is something that reminds me of the person. I don't want to take orders because it is very hard for me to finish something that I don't like.

I have too many quilts I want to make for recipients of my own choosing to be able to entertain requests from anyone else not on my personal bucket list. Life's too short to spend your leisure/quilting time doing something you don't want to do. When I worked someone else told me what to do, when to do it, and how they wanted it done. On my quilting/free time, I'm the boss, no one else. I just tell anyone who makes such a request that I can put them on my list but it's already so long I'll never reach the end. And that's the truth.

You love making quilts and giving them away. You have a cousin who is begging for a quilt. If I were in this situation, I would make her a quilt and not worry about the other cousins. If they also start asking for quilts, put their names on a list and tell them their names are on the list. Then go down the list at any pace you want. If anyone asks why so-and-so got a quilt first, tell them she was the one who asked for a quilt first. Others will have to wait their turn. There is no obligation to make every cousin a quilt before you die; you just make as many as you want to make. And you give quilts to those you want to give quilts to.

Here is why I feel this way. When I was growing up, my favorite aunts had a wonderful hand-pieced, hand-quilted yellow Dresden fan quilt that I absolutely loved. It had been made by their mother. It seemed so valuable to me, I never even thought of asking for it. My aunts never knew how much that quilt meant to me, so they gave it to a friend who was moving away. Had I spoken up even once during all those years, they would have given the quilt to me.

This is why I respect the cousin who is asking for a quilt. I do not necessarily think she is asking for you to spend money and time on her. If she is like me, she highly values your quilts and it would mean a lot to her to have one from you. The fact that out of all of your many cousins, she is the only one to speak up, may signify the gift would have great meaning for her.

So, my vote is to make a quilt for her. If other cousins start asking for one, so be it.

Several thoughts.

I only make the things I want for whatever reason, to gift, to donate, for my dogs etc.

I am not asking for details, but can you afford to make a quilt for this cousin? Have you added up all the costs and really thought about it?

Is she pushy by nature? Nothing like someone telling me to do something, to get me to dig my heels in.

Would your other cousins even know you made her one? Would she go boasting about it? Do the cousins get together regularly? Me, I only see my cousins every couple years.

I do not let other people make me feel obligated to do their bidding. I do not play the game of you did x for Sue, so you have to do the same for Kim. If I do something for one person, it is because I want to. I do not feel obligated to do the same for anyone else.

I never quite understand this concept. A quilt is a special gift. I give gifts to whomever I want, whenever I want. After all, it is my time, my fabric, my skill, my special gift to give. Why should I feel obligated to gift one just because I gifted to one. I had an aunt who made quilts, for some reason -- unknown to me -- she made me a quilt. Only my aunt who brought it to me and my mother knew about the quilt. I never mentioned it to anyone. That would have made it less special and possibly put my aunt in an awkward position. I love that quilt because it is special to me. Reasons for gifting our time, labor, and fabric, should be our choice -- it should never be dictated by the expectations of others. That lessons the value of a true gift.

I think this is great solution!

You stated “ I love making them and giving them away.” Make her a quilt and give it away. If another cousin asks, make another. Do it because you want to.

I agree with Aurora. I don't quilt much, except for raggedy quilts, but I sew many other items for home dec and garment sew. Plus I knit and crochet, all the time. Have made oodles of afghans, for birthdays, Christmas, weddings and babies. My heart tells me who I needle or hook things for.

One of my baby afghans came back to me for repair, 18 years later, the 'child' wanted me to fix the hole, so she could take it with her to college. I'm so glad I gifted those parents with that blanket years ago, even though they weren't 'close' friends.

where she asked, you could tell her you’d be glad to if she would buy the fabric of her choice, then the others might not be so quick to ask. You at least have something to come back with.

I agree you should require that she pay all costs. You are doing the work for free, but it shouldn't cost you, as this really isn't a gift. It was requested... Once she learns the cost of fabric, batting, and possibly longarming, she may decide she doesn't need a quilt quite so much. Then you would be off the hook.

May I chime in with a related question? My cleaning lady has asked several times if I would make a quilt for her son.. I sort of halfheartedly said I would think about it. Problem is I have so many projects of my own waiting and due to my deteriorating vision, I work very slowly and only when I am having a good day. The cost is another factor. She repeatedly says she is willing to pay but I know she hasn’t a clue about the actual cost. Mostly though I really want to work on my own quilts while I can. I should tell you that I’m well up in years and figure my quilting time is limited. What to do?

I agree with Faintly Artistic

You can tell your cousin that you make the quilts just for kids, but thanks for appreciating them!

Make her the quilt! Ask what her favorite color is and go from there. Don't worry about the other cousins. Do this from the goodness of your heart, as your very first sentences indicates. I have made 3 quilts for my sisters, the other two don't want one. I worried about their feelings, but they were very outspoken out not wanting a quilt.

You have my permission to just say No though you should be giving yourself permission to do this. You are a sweetheart and do not want to hurt her feelings but, believe me, she has heard the word NO before so don't let this make you feel guilty because you are filling your days with what you enjoy. If you feel an explanation is necessary, which it is not in my opinion, share with her that you only make quilts for yourself and refer her to another quilter to make her son a quilt. Enjoy your craft and may it fill your days with blessings.

My nephew and his wife asked his mom (my sister) if I would make them a king size quilt. I said I would but they would have to pay for the the materials and to have it long armed. After telling her what they could expect in the cost, which I wasn't even going to charge them for my time, I haven't heard a word from them. Your cousin might back away once she hears what it might cost. Of course, if you really don't want to do it, you just have to say so.

Perfect response to this question, IMO.

Mousie....I recommend you check with a moderator to post a thread in the "donations request" thread for your friend with MS. Perhaps, members of the board could donate a block for your friends quilt and could send them to you for you to assemble etc. Her situation does not sound good and would likely be brightened by this gift. You could share your health challenges and that she has been on your heart so you asked your many friends to contribute to her quilt. If I received such a gift from strangers I would be moved to tears. You could pick a style block & size, maybe color or scrappy. I would make a block for this quilt.

My sister has MS and I was touched by your story.

Sounds to me like this cousin would cherish having a quilt made by you. But its all up to you. you would know she'd appreciate it. Maybe would be easier if you tell her to work with you on what she wants. Than give her a list of fabric and supplies you need to make it to buy.Or even go with her to be sure she buys the right supplies

Some people don't want a quilt. Since she wants one I would be thrilled to make her a quilt that I know will be loved. If the other cousins ask you can make them one as you have time.

I would thank her for asking you to make the quilt and let her know you were flattered that she asked you. Then be firm in saying, I will have to decline your kind request, because I am not able to make All my cousins a quilt and would not want to hurt anyone's feelings. I wish there were more than one me.

Then say with a smile....I would love to help you learn to make a simple quilt. If she lives close, she can come to your house. If she is far away, she can take a class in her town or use a tutorial online. If she has zero interest in trying, refer her to someone that makes quilts for a living...etsy or ?

Good luck!

I would also make a block for this quilt and mail it to you Mousie. If you are able to post your request here, I have a thought. Perhaps if you requested that people contribute a block in a certain color, blue for example. When you receive the blocks, you could sash them all in the same color so the quilt looks uniform. I guess that would even work if the blocks were all different colors!! I hope we can help you do this.

These posts seem to be getting out of hand. You said your cousin is begging you to make her a quilt. To me that shows she loves & appreciates them, not that she's bullying you. And you said you'd like to make her one but you have lots more cousins. If you want to make her one go for it! Don't even worry about the others.

Exactly what I was thinking. I love it when someone appreciates my work.