This has got to be the news every grandparent does NOT want to hear --- I have 2 grandsons that have lived with me and their mother for most of their lives ( ages 6 and 4). She recently married, someone I consider a total bum, and now she informs me that the oldest is going to stay with his father - who I get along well with --- but her and the youngest are moving back to her new husband's town which is almost clear across the country.
I am on disability so the likelyhood of me ever travel there is slim and since he refuses to work and her work here (don't know that she will be able to find a job there) is the only income I don't see them ever having the money to come back.
There should be something a grandparent could do. Just yesterday the grandson told me "I want to live with you." And when his mother came to get him after work he put up a real fight to stay at Ma's (that is what he has always called me).
This news has me so upset all I have done since she told me yesterday about 1:30 pm is cry not only because I am going to miss the grandson and her - but am very concerned about what kind of a life they are going to have. My oldest daughter heard and saw the guy she married threaten her with a pick ax a couple of years ago - when any thing is said the reply is they were just joking.
It may take all of my disabilty excess for this month (I have a sash of some groceries and I just will have to cut back my going anywhere) to pay a lawyer to find out what I can do if anything.

I am so sorry, for you and for the children. I hope there is something that can be done. I am on disability, too, or I would help you out. My prayers are with you and them.

I feel for you..i don't know what i would do if my grandkids now moved away. I have heard that some states do have "grandparent's rights" laws. Maybe yours has something like that. I wish you the best with this very hard situation :cry:

I am hoping to get some things ready for a craft show - now I know wher all of that money will be going -- I do think my oldest daughter will help me make some things --- she is about as upset as I am
Thanks for your prayers - sometimes that is all that will work

I'm so sorry to hear of your situation. We have grandkids who live in Western Australia and we live in Brisbane on the east coast. There is no animosity involved but we don't see them a lot.
I know here there is such a thing as grandparents rights. I told a friend who was being denied access to one of her grand children, she saw a solicitor and now sees her granddaughter. I wish you well.

I'm so sorry. What a hard, hard situation!

As grandparents, we really don't have rights, and I've never understood the reasoning for that. Some of these children have spent as much or more time with us as with their parents. The father in this case does have rights. He can fight letting her take his child out of the state they live in. The state where the divorce takes place has jurisdiction over the child. Normally the courts go with the mom, if her new husband HAS to move because of a job transfer. This doesn"T seem to apply to your situation. Whatever is your daughter thinking??? No job, refuses to work, leaving one child behind, and quitting her job????? She is not thinking straight! If she isn"T listening to reason, talk to the fahter, get him to help fight this. Doesn't she realize what this is going to do to both kids? And if that person even thought of raising a pick ax to her , even in a joking manner, she should be scared to death of him. For hersellf and her child! If she can find a job, wil he be watching the child while she is gone. Too many horror stories about step-dads that can't control their temper while watching the kids. God be with all of you!!!!

In some states, grandparents do have rights. This sounds like you need to find some legal help for sure. If you look in the phone book, they usually have some kind of "legal aid" where you pay a small fee and they can help you pick out an attorney that has experience in that particular field, then maybe you could see him/her and see if they would take the case pro bono. I do hope you get to keep the boy or boys, if the one doesn't want to live with his dad. As far as your daughter is concerned though, there's not a thing you can do about it. She's an adult, and even if she's heard things about this guy, it's not going to change anything, but she'll find out how "good" her life will be.

I wonder if you could contact Legal Aid in your area??
My heart truly goes out to you. This is a really sad story.
PS I think first visits to any lawyer are free.

Hi - I am sorry this is happening to you but as far as grandparents rights I don't hold out much hope. Your DD has a right to marry anyone she wants and move anywhere she wants. I don't think any court will allow a 6 year old to decide who he wants to live with.
You may get the court to agree you have a right to see them, but there is the problem of getting back and forth.

do not waste your little bit of funds to try to find an attorney, most of them do offer 1/2 hour free consultations where you can either go in or have a phone conference and find out if there is anything you can do. Unfortunately you will more than likely find there is nothing you can do.grandparents really have no rights! quite often our grown children make decisions and do things we think are terribly wrong, but they are adults with the right to make their own choices ... and live with the consequenses. and also unfortunately way too often there are children who pay for their parent's decisions. as a grandparent, all you can do is try to not alienate your daughter so she doesn't even want to have contact with you, and accept the things you can not change. stay as close as you can long=distance, little people LOVE getting mail, a special card, or note regularly can help him get through all the separation issues he will experience. letting them both know that no matter what happens you will always be there for them if needed is about all you can do. stay positive and hope for the best. maybe he(the new hubby) has family where they are moving to that will make up for his failings. i know from experience how hard it can be sometimes to stand back and let our grown children make mistakes....and i'm sure that you yourself probably made a decision or two that your parents were not too keen about as an adult. your best action at this point, after having that free consultation is to be positive and as supportive as you can, so your daughter knows, if and when it all falls apart that she still has home and a wonderful supportive mother to turn to who will not say...i told you so, but will be there with open arms relieved that everyone survived just fine.
the hardest part is going to be the kids missing each other, often youngsters feel like no matter what they will always have each other...maybe you could help them set up facebook pages, or some communication mode on the computer where they could be in contact with each other regularly, that part of this situation is the hardest part and i am sure she has not made the decision to separate the kids lightly.
good luck, and make a call or two.... you may be able to start with family court to find someone to talk to who specializes in this type of situation.

:idea: Call the 'Area Agency on Aging'. To find the phone number, look in the Guide to Human Services in the front of your phone book - then look under Aging. The agency can advise you about legal aid issues.

Grandparents do have legal rights to visitation, in many states. My MIL was granted legal visitation rights to see her granddaughter, whom she helped raise. My SIL is always angry at the family, though, so it didn't cause any alienation that wasn't already there.

I also believe like another poster that the biological father has rights if the biological mother wants to take the child out of state. Several years ago my friend lost her daughter to her ex because of that. So maybe see if the boys' biological father can do anything or wants to do anything. Also I am shocked she wants to sepperate the boys. Often sibling bonds run deeper then parent child bonds and this does not sound good for the boys at all. Maybe also try to keep your relationship with your DD as good as possible. Maybe even if she moves she might decide she does not want to parent and then be agreeable to have the boy come live with you or the biological father. Sending you hugs and prayers. Anna

called a lawyer -- until I can prove child abuse there is basicly nothing I can do --- all though the attorney agreed that is probably not in the best interest of the child, the judge will most likely not see it and there is no way I could even begin to afford the fee
My daughter has treated me like an outcast since she got married so I am sure it will not get any better.
As for his family from what I understand they have all had major run ins with the law -- drug issues and all

What a terrible thing! Good advice Minda has for you.

Some questions for you:
What are the terms of your daughter's divorce from the boy's father?
Does she have the right to take the boys out of state?
If the father has the right to keep her from taking them out of state, and he is willing to take both boys into his home, maybe you can use your limited funds to help him get legal assistance to keep the boys in your state.
If this does happen we all know where your grandsons will be most of the time, with you. Praying that something good happens ASAP. May in Jersey

I have had first DGS since birth. He is with me most of the time except when his parents remember they have a child and show up. This month Mom has decided she wants him full time and is "getting" a lawyer to get custody. She does this with every new boyfriend to prove "what a good person/mother she is" She has taken him to DR and had him put on ADD meds. He is developementally delayed (they say it is my fault since he stays with me!!)it couldn't have had anything to do with her drinking while pg. He is in Spec Ed because I went to principal and asked for testing. WONDERFUL man who listened and understood my concerns and "worked" within school rights. I have no legal custody rights to DGS but I did throw a fit about school (told them they had to take him and KEEP him) and made them give me power of attny over schooling.(they never went to functions or teacher conf or IEP meetings) Head of county dept of Spec.Ed helped with that. His teacher says 1/3 of her class is being raised by Grands. DGS feels that nobody loves him and he is in the way. Son gets mad and threatens that I will never see him again. I don't react because both of us know he will tire of him within a week and drop him off at the end of the driveway. GS just walks in and says "Mimi I'm home." I have explained to DGS that he is always loved and will have a home with me as long as he can follow our one rule respect/love yourself/others, He is learning to cook and can do his own laundry which HE requested that I not tell his parents or they would make him to cook/clean for them. I have told both parents that they are perfect examples of why animals eat their young! Also told them that they both need to be neutered and never have any more kids.
I know it is heartbreaking but bide your time. Give both stamped evelopes addressed to you that way they can contact you by mail (I use blank miss you cards). Make sure they know phone numbers that they can call in case of emergency. I wrote phone numbers in the inside of each of DGS backpacks where only he and I know where they are. We also have and emergency phrase that only he and I know. He asks me if I have found a certain toy that he was looking for when he left my house. Thankfully we have never used it.
My prayers are with you. Been there, doing that.

My prayers are with you all, and with the children.

I am so sorry...

Mimi, you have done the same as I did when our XDIL moved away. I gave my 8 yearold GD a little book with a picture of all of us next to our address and phone numbers. Lots of stamped envelopes so she could write me. I mailed letters to her everyday, and called often. Thank God, it was only two years that they stayed away!! Now they are being raised by my son and his wife, and they are happy kids.XDIL finally grew up and realized what was best for them, but only after a drug issue gave my son custody. Some of the laws in this country really stink! It is so hard for little ones. We are dealing with the same again, at least the kids are here and see their Dad on a redgular basis.

In my state, the custodial parent has to get permission from the noncustodial parent to even move as far as out of the children's school boundary...
Maybe dad should be the one taking up this moving away issue in court, while taking care of the change of custody of the one son :wink:

Oh honey. I can't give you any advice here but my heart is breaking for you.

I am so sorry!
I had a very similar but also different situation about 18 years ago. Adults forcing a child to live were she didn't want to. It hurt like nothing else. I cried for years and the pain became bearable but very raw. I always stayed in touch with this precious child as she grew up! About two years ago because of several things I had never planned on we ended up living two hours apart!! Oh Joy! We can see each other and she is as excited about it as I am! We are very close again and I am Grandma to her beautiful son, and expecting another any minute. I love her husband. Finally after all the years of pain, it feels right! A joy beyond what words can describe!
These little boys will remember your love, Do all you can to stay in touch and not cut the ties with your daughter. Someday it may come back right and all the joy you will have will be worth it!
Now I just need to find a way to stop the tears.
God Bless You!

I am sorry, that is a terrible situation. Try and get a free consultation with a lawyer, because I don't believe you have any legal standing. I think the US Supreme Court ruled grandparents have no automatic legal rights a few years back, I don't remember hearing that that had changed. I have a few links here for you to review, I didn't read them, just a quick google to try and help you.

I hope you are able to work something out, maybe as Amma posted: work with the children's father.

http://www.pbs.org/newshour/extra/fe...ndparents.html

http://www.grandparentsrights.org/

What about some sort of lawyer who does pro bono work? Seems to me that some lawyers do this as a public service.

And check this out online, might find something that will help you.

Check this out.

Legal Help for the Poor - State by state listing of Pro Bono ...
Jan 23, 2007 ... This directory is for the use of pro bono advocates and professionals only. ... Here is a quick and easy way to find Pro Bono Program Links. ...
www.abanet.org/legalservices/probono/directory.html - Similar

My s-i-l moved my dd and two granddaughters half way across the country but when I refused to send money to help support them, he gave up and moved back home after only two years. During that time I really missed them. I only sent cards to the GD and DD as I was not permitted to speak to them on the phone if I did not send money. They could open the cards as he did not know if there was money in them or not. I only sent $5.00 for birthdays as I knew he would keep the money. The GD were 3 and 4 when they left and still talk about it and that was 6 years ago. I contacted a attorney and was told it was better to just try to keep peace and the best way to do that was to control the money with this son in law. It is a hard game to play and I have to stay on my toes at all times but the girls are getting older and they see him for who he is now.

Hello Quilt Minister: Do we all have a 'monkey on our backs' when it comes to our grandchildren. I have 2 daughters who will not communicate with me. # 1, has 5 daughters, I havn't seen any of them for over 5 years. Through the family grapevine, I understand they have broken off relationship with their mother and at least 1 with her father. Mother/father divorced. # 2, has 2 daughters and 2 sons. This has come about just within the last 6 months. For some reason, unknown to me, She (my daughter) has erased me from her life taking with her/her husband and children. The second boy was born September 11, 2010. I havn't been able to see him and she hasn't even told me about him. I learned this from another granddaughter who had a facebook msg. from daughter # 2's oldest, a daughter. I also lost my steady and loving companion on August 24. She would have been 14 years old March 13, 2011. My little Peewee is now with Jesus.

Yes, all these things are difficult to handle. Rather than seeking an attorney which will take most of your income, why not try to talk to Jesus about it. If you ask him to restore the communication between all parties involved, He will answer. Your answer may not come immediately because Jesus works in His own time and place, but you will get an answer. If it happens to be negative to your wishes, you must accept it and Thank Him, that He is there for you.

"Dear God: There are so many of us in the world today who suffer from the wrath of our families. Bestow upon us the ability to accept what we cannot change and the wisdom to sllow your will to reign over our lives. In Jesus name, Amen"

When my daughter and granddaughter were killed in a car accident 18 years ago, her remaining twins, 5 yrs. old at the time, went to their father. Not 2 weeks after the funeral, I received 2 letters from him and his new wife (my daughter was divorced from him and remarried). Of course, they were asking for money if I wanted to see my twin grandchildren. At the time, I lived in Arizona and they lived in Indiana. We got a lawyer, flying back and forth to Indiana was hard but worth it, we had to go to a child psychologist, several different court dates, etc. to the tune of $15,000. We won our case, but it was short-lived. Indiana passed a law that grandparents had no rights, as long as there were no felonies on the father, we could not do anything. Needless to say, the twins were brought up with dad, his wife and his family. We hardly ever hear from them at all. I feel your pain and wish that maybe in whatever state you live in, that you will be able to do something! I really miss my grandchildren. Grandson will be graduating from Ball State this summer and Granddaughter has my great grandson, whom I have only seen once. I pray for you! This is a definite heart-breaker! God bless and good luck!

God bless you

What heartbreak this causes to you and your grandson. My tears are with you. My son and I fought for his son when the mother left (still in same state). It was a long and stressing fight with court, lawyers, investigators, child liason, etc. etc. The mother has some very real head problems. Anyway, we (rather he) won full custory (he has to promise her not to want child support). Today that child is 17yo, a senior (will grad in 2012), is an A student, played varsity baseball in his Freshman yr, now plays varsity baseball and football. I no longer live in the same state as my son and grandson BUT every summer my grandson spends 2-3 weeks here with me. I also am disabled, my husband passed in 2001. Between my husband who had MS and my health and the never ending money costs; I gave all I had and then sold what I could. Believe me it was worth it and I would do it again. I have been gifted with grandson to WANTS to visit me. What I can only suggest to you is to always let him know you love him no matter where he is and that he can always call you and tell you whatever he wants to without your judgement (this pays off in LOVE). You are his rock and being this to him will make him a wonderful person. Good luck to you along with my prayers. You are a wonderful and caring grandmother, keep up the loving work.

What a tough situation and I feel so sorry for all concerned. My heart goes out to you. I agree, there should be some grandparents rights.

Also on disability, and my grandchildren don't live close to me so I fully understand how you feel. But don't waste money on a lawyer, my next door neighbor wants custody of their one and only grandson, because mom is a drug attic. And dad is a bum. But even though they have been trying for about 3 years now, as long as mom or dad won't give up custody, it doesn't matter to the courts how good or bad that parent is. It would be better for their biological dad to try for custody. And men do get custody...we had custody of my DH youngest son, because mom was no good. (very long story) Good luck and keep us posted.

In Kentucky, we do have rights as I had to file against my son and dil. Maybe you can reverse phsycology on her and offer to keep the child so they can go to school until she gets settled into her new home. Who knows, she may just let him stay with you.

I know you are heart sick over this....It is very sad. I hope there is a way you can do something to help this child. Maybe his Father would be willing to help..... :-(

Find out if there in any grandparents group that could help you. In the province of Quebec such an association exists. Your state must have a department with Social Service related to the kids. Do not keep the problem to yourself, inquire with your minister or your doctor, you could also meet a social worker at your local hospital.You are not the only witness to that problem, rally those who are aware of it to build your case. As much as you have heartaches, keep your energy to help that kid you love so much

I feel for you. My daughter moved away with our 2 grandsons (age 7 and 2) last year - 11 1/2 hours from us. We basically raised our 7 year old son when our daughter had him at 17. It is like losing a child. My life has not been the same. I have been able to travel to see them a couple of times but it is bittersweet when I have to leave and he wants to come with me. Have you tried to contact a legal aid attorney in your area? They are usually there to help people on limited income and it may be that you could get a free consultation to check things out.

My heart goes out to you!!! My grandbabies and DD still live with us, even though she is married to their daddy and he lives with his parents. Long, long story. I love my grandbabies and they feel like my own children, but I feel so helpless sometimes. Being a grandparent wonderful but can be heartbreaking at the same time.

Not throwing anything on your daughter but, most likely the oldest boy and the new daddy are not getting along. It was probably the guys idea to to give the kid back to his daddy. Where as he has more control over the youngest, and he knows the daddy will have to keep sending money for child support. It usually comes down to the guaranteed income aspect, and the reason for move? I will stay silent on that, I have an idea why! But you are upset enough.

However, I will suggest that if the father is willing!! To take her back to court and go after custody of the other child. If he already has custody of the first.I beleive it would be in the best interest for the child to get away from Mom's new relationship. He should seek an atorney or atleast ask a judge to to put an injunction of some kind on her taking him out of state till the new husband and the whole circumstances of how the child will be supported and suchincluding is this enviroment for the child is good or bad with this man's past, is healthy or not!! Someone may have to call child services to get an investigation going if anyone already knows of something that is going on in the home! Sorry, but sometimes that is what you must do even if it is your daughter! She's an adult the children are helpless and often used as pawns!! My daughter is going to school to be an attorney. She says all laws vary from state to state, you have to use what is available in your state. There are affordable attorneys for fathers. Need to search internet , they are Attorney Organizations Like Father's Have Rights (too)out there . They are very ,very good. I know co-workers who have used them with great results!!

I can completely sympathize with you. 14 years ago, my husband was terminally ill with cancer, and his daughter from a previous marriage had 4 children. She had been doing drugs, etc. for a couple of years, and then CPS stepped in and took the kids. They fortunately gave us the kids, but over the months, as my DH grew sicker and sicker, it was more than I could do to take care of him and 4 small kids (6-1 in age). I had a 12 year old of my own. Those were my grandkids in every sense of the word...not in blood, but in relationship and in love. They knew me as grandma..and I was really the only grandma they knew well. My DH went to Heaven in Sept. 1996, and one week before that, CPS came and took the kids from me without warning. The worker said that the home environment was not good with my DH so ill. Because the daughter was so messed up, she wouldn't give me any information, and the CPS people wouldn't tell me anything because I did not have "standing" with the court...I am not a blood relative. The kids were in foster care for 3 years with daughter continuing messing up. Eventually they terminated her rights, and the father was in prison. The kids were adopted all together, and we lost touch with them. I was devastated!!! It was a horrible situation to go through. But, 2 years ago the 6 years old became 18, and she found us. She told me she remembered us all that time, and kept waiting for us to come get the kids. It was a heartbreaking thing to hear, but then she said she remembered being happy and safe at my house. WOW!! So, don't give up hope. The kids all remember us (not the very young ones, but the other 2 do), so chances are when your GS gets older he will recontact you. Best of luck for your son to get custody or to stop the mom from moving away. Really that's your only avenue..the parent is the only one with "standing" in a custody issue.

I also am a grandparent. But in the state of TN granparents have no rights. They only have rights if their son or daughter die.