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Oh, and I did give her back the blanket. I almost didn't do it but I didn't want to be mean and spiteful. When I gave it back to her is when she mentioned she has something else for me to fix. That is what prompted my rant and buying her a sewing kit.
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I don't mind HOME repairs..as it saves me $$ in the long run..but YOU are being taken advantage of...hope you can learn to say NO soon...
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Originally Posted by tabsmonsters
I am in a pickle. This young wife whose husband works with mine found out that I sew and in the last several months has brought me sofa pillows that popped a seam, a stuffed animal that popped a seam and the other day my hubby brought home a blanket that she needed the binding sewn back on. When I returned it to her this morning, she mentioned another project she needs fixed. Its a simple project, sewing a bow back onto a costume but her excuse was she didn't have needle and thread. I am just beyond irritated that she seems to think that because I have a sewing machine and I know how to fix these things, she can bring me all sorts of projects. I was still fuming this afternoon and bought a cheap sewing kit to give to her the next time I see her and I plan on SHOWING her how to sew that bow on. It really isn't that difficult. I guess I have just been feeling used and I don't know how to tactfully deter her from using me as her personal seamstress or sewing fix-it-all. Thanks for letting me vent!
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Originally Posted by tabsmonsters
Originally Posted by Rose L
Personally I'm a little put off by your comment that you don't want her as a friend. Being helpful doesn't mean you have to be chummy and go out for lunch and shopping after all. Besides do you really have more friends than you can stand? It's quite possible that this young woman never learned manners or how to survive from her own family, I say she just needs some guidance and I would give it to her while standing my ground.
I couldn't even show myself online on facebook without her trying to chat with me and ask me to do this and do that. One time she wanted me to drive to her house in the afternoon (20 minutes away on a good day) and fix the strap on her highchair that the dog had chewed through before she needed it at dinner. That was the turning point for me and after that she was just a nuisance to me. My husband was deployed too, for much longer than hers was, and I have two kids to take care of while she only has one. I don't have the time, patience, or desire it would require to maintain her as a friend. I know how I must sound, but that's just how it is. I won't outright be mean to her or anything like that or I would have done it already. I don't have a lot of friends, but I like it that way. They don't bug me to death with helping them with every little thing. I have been rambling long enough I think, lol! I really do appreciate all the replies. I will try to have more patience with her and show her how to mend a few things. |
If you really can't say "NO to them at least charge them!!
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Personally I think it is ok for you to not want to be friends with her. Not everyone wants or needs alot of friends. Life is short so each of us has to decide what people are the most important to us and invest our time and love in those people. Besides it seems she doesn't really want to be a friend as much as she wants someone to fix things for her. That is not friendship it is a one way relationship. (Aka - a one way street.)
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A friend of my Dh asked me to hem his shorts, I'll need you to put them on so I can mark where you want them hemmed. You would of thought I asked him to dance naked in front of me. He says " hey whoa ho ho! cant you just hem them?" So I thought he doesnt want me that close to "Him". I Hemmed the shorts, gave them back and he says they are still to long. Furious I was. I rehemmed them and they were fine. Never again will he do this to me. Either you let me mark them or I dont sew. I'm not crazy about sewing denim anyway. I broke 3 needles because I didnt have the correct needle for sewing denim because I dont like to sew denim! Another gal keeps bringing me her old purses to mend. I make purses, I dont want to mend them and I told her that but she insisted I take them. I mended the first ones she brought but this time I've had them now for 4 months. When she asks about them I'll tell her the same, I make purses I dont mend them.
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Originally Posted by tabsmonsters
Originally Posted by LindaM
Showing her how to sew may be a wonderful opportunity to establish a friendship.
You also could gently suggest that you can't do her projects - that cuts into your valuable 'quilt therapy' time :) Thank you for all the replies! |
I would say I'm sorry have quilts that need my attention and just don't have time right now....[/quote]
i agree! |
Originally Posted by tabsmonsters
I am in a pickle. This young wife whose husband works with mine found out that I sew and in the last several months has brought me sofa pillows that popped a seam, a stuffed animal that popped a seam and the other day my hubby brought home a blanket that she needed the binding sewn back on. When I returned it to her this morning, she mentioned another project she needs fixed. Its a simple project, sewing a bow back onto a costume but her excuse was she didn't have needle and thread. I am just beyond irritated that she seems to think that because I have a sewing machine and I know how to fix these things, she can bring me all sorts of projects. I was still fuming this afternoon and bought a cheap sewing kit to give to her the next time I see her and I plan on SHOWING her how to sew that bow on. It really isn't that difficult. I guess I have just been feeling used and I don't know how to tactfully deter her from using me as her personal seamstress or sewing fix-it-all. Thanks for letting me vent!
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Be aware that this could snowball too. She is talking about you to her friends "The Lady that sews for me" may come out of her mouth and they will start sending things too. Good luck.
Originally Posted by tabsmonsters
Originally Posted by luv-e
Maybe you need to have a starter class on sewing???????
That way they will see what you go through... Make up a little flyer and have DH past it out.. Oh!!! by the way on DH....Tell him the next time he says you sew, He needs to say you are a Quilter!!!! If he comes home with something to be mended, hand him the needle and thread......LOL LOL LOL LOL I was joking,,,,He is very proud of you or they wouldn't have found out that you sew........ I will get through it. I am just still kinda irritated! :lol: Thanks! |
You are irritated for all the right reasons, the lady is using you.
Try this approach, "Let me check my calendar when it might fit in to my schedule?" Of course that date might be a year from now. |
I was over at a neighbor's house having a chat when another neighbor came in. She was upset because she bought pants that were too long and didn't want to hunt down a seamstress. My neighbor said "Oh Jasmin sews she can do it for you".
My jaw must have hit the floor. I just told her that I quilt and don't know the first thing about hemming pants. I'm not sure why some people assume that because we can sew we would want to sew and have time to sew for everyone else. |
I know how you feel. The most amazing thing was when a man at work said to me," I'll let you crochet a table top for me." Right......I was just fooling around with crochet thread,making little butterflies, for fun. Can't believe I came up with this reply, "No, no, no, I don't do this for money". 'Nough said.
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. She was at work and handed him the blanket along with an extra cell phone they gave us since I got mine wet. So he didn't feel right refusing the blanket at the same time they were giving us something.
I will get through it. I am just still kinda irritated! :lol: Thanks![/quote] IMHO, she paid you with the cell phone. She is saying thank you and paying you. I am from Australia, and from what I have read on this board, your military service people are not paid very well, and are often in tight financial situations. I have no idea what a cell phone costs in the USA, but surely they have some value, like your time. If she is not a sewer, she has no idea what sort of sewing you do, and she may want to learn, but if you are not a willing teacher, point her in the direction of someone who is. or work out a swap that works for you. For example, I have a friend who wants a quilt. I have explained to her how many hours work there is in the one she wants, and that she will be paying me in housework, child minding and sorting the virus' on my computer. She is happy with that deal. Cheers Rainy Sorry, just read the rest of your posts, and all the things she has asked of you. She sounds like she is not coping well with life, and is looking to learn from you, as you seem to be coping well. |
I would nicely tell her that I just have so much on my plate, that I can't take on even 1 more little thing, to do.
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Good luck sorting it out. I had a "friend" a few years ago. I inherited her when I married her husband's friend. She made plans for us to sew together. After the second time of me doing all the sewing even though I taught her how to do what she didn't know how to do, I stopped being available. She then just called and told me what she wanted me to make. This also happened with pie crust even though I taught her how to roll it out twice, "OH you can do it so much better." She would call and tell me what day she was making pies and when I was supposed to be there. It grew to decorated cakes and hair cuts. I got rid of my cake decorating supplies so I absolutely couldn't do it anymore. I stopped answering the phone and she came to my work. My point is that some people just don't want to learn to do for themselves and really take advantage. We went to the same church. I stopped going. This harrassement stopped when I moved to another state and didn't tell anyone where I was moving to. Extreme you say, you betcha.
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Originally Posted by auntpiggylpn
I know how you feel! Before I even finished reading your post, I was going to suggest buying or making her a simple sewing kit and deliver it with the offer of teaching her how to sew. My friends were never interested in my quilting or sewing unless it benefited them. Guess what, they no longer get anything from me and they no longer ask me to "fix" something for them.
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Originally Posted by Selena
.....My point is that some people just don't want to learn to do for themselves and really take advantage. We went to the same church. I stopped going. This harrassement stopped when I moved to another state and didn't tell anyone where I was moving to. Extreme you say, you betcha.
I got out of that relationship the same way...stopped going to church to avoid her, then moving out of state. |
If you can't offer her the sewing kit, offer to put it in the pile with the rest of your repair work, no guarantees......................................
If it's something she wants, she'll ask for it back. |
Tell her Leonardo (Da Vinci) didn't paint houses!
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After reading all the responses, I understand why we turn to the QB....I don't mean to sound condescending, but I understand why we are so stand offish with people.....
Do they like us or our talent????????? I too have had people treat me the same way....I dabble in all kinds of crafts.... I had a woman call me @ 8:30Pm and ask me to PAINT a slate piece 15x22 for a wedding that she was going to the NEXT DAY!!!!! She said she would be by to pick it up around 11:30AM !!!! OH!!! you know the people so I thought you would do it free!!!!![ but she wanted to give it to them in HER name......] I couldn't believe my ears!!!! I said there is NO WAY to paint something that fast!!! She argued with me and well, I've not heard from her since...... I don't do crafts anymore....just quilting now... And Yes, I'm always busy to do anything for anyone else,FREE It may sound cold but you wouldn't get anything else done if you didin't.......Why should I do it for free when XXX down the road gets paid for it!!!!!??????!!!!!! It isn't greed, it's a matter of Respect for OUR CRAFT whatever it may be.......... |
Just say NO THANK YOU, if you decide to still do them CHARGE her a good price, or give her a pack of needles and spool of thread. As soon as people know that you can sew, it seems you become the go-to person for mending. I say I'll show you how to do it because there is not enough time for my hobby and mending.
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My first job in HS was doing alterations at a local dept store. So yeah, I can hem pants, skirts, wedding dresses, replace jean zippers, shorten suit sleeves, etc. I worked there for 4 years. My sister always wants me to hem this or that. I got sick of it and started telling her $5 per pant leg hemmed. After about two years she finally got the hint and has found someone else. The only ones that I will do things for without griping is for my mom and my MIL. I don't enjoy doing alterations, I just like to sew what I want when I want...
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We were walking out to the car,here comes a car.Wanted me to take in side seams to a dress.Why couldn't we have left 5 minutes earlier.I did tell her i don't do that kind of sewing.
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Buy her a needle and thread or a little sewing kit as a gift and teach her to DIY.
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My grandaughter was bringing me things to repair and even brought me jeans of her boyfriend. I told her it might be awhile before I got to them, as I only mend when in the right mood. Well she had broken up with boyfriend before I got his done. I was so glad I had waited.
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Originally Posted by grandma nurse
My grandaughter was bringing me things to repair and even brought me jeans of her boyfriend. I told her it might be awhile before I got to them, as I only mend when in the right mood. Well she had broken up with boyfriend before I got his done. I was so glad I had waited.
When I was working people would come to me all the time for mending, mostly replacing the zipper in their jeans. I got a bunch of business cards from a local seamstress who made a living with mending. When I got requests I would politely decline and give them one of her cards. Yes, non sewers think we would just love to do their repairs for free....the clue was they would approach me with " I know you love to sew......". I do love to sew but I don't care to mend for anyone outside my family....Even I will repair a popped hem or seam with fusible web. |
You are looking at the the wrong way. We were put on this earth to help one another. You have this wonderful sewing skill. Others have none. I would be glad and happy if someone ask me for help fixing these things. I call it charity. Doing good for another.
IdahoSandy |
Oh Boy, I worked in a doctors office with 40 other girls I know how you feel, I got to where I did,nt want to make my self something new "cause everybody else wanted one. I was miss fix-it too.
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No we aren't looking at it wrong. My charity consists of making doll and quilts for sick children at a local hospital, quilts for the wounded soldiers, giving to my local church, organizations that help those in need, setting up food drives for the local food pantry.
I was not put on this earth to do things that the other person is perfectly capable of doing by themselves. I work a full time job and have a life that does not include mending anyone's problems. Ever. Good for you to have the time and desire to help others. |
This happened to me years ago. MY "friend" brought everything to me to fix. I asked her one day what would she do if I weren't there for her, she said"Oh I'd just find someone else." With that answer, I just replied "well, I think it's time for you to find that someone" It fixed the problem.
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Been there and done that. Have found I can be too busy and not feel guilty. Have learned to say- anyone can learn to sew the local tech school offers courses at all levels and times to accommidate people. Even the local sewing shops hold classes. If it's something you need now bring it over and I will teach you how between the other things I'm doing. Also have said-one reason I don't tell many people I sew is they seem to think I'm a free sewing service. I also let them know my sewing is limited and specialized. Give her a started kit of sewing stuff and tell her you'll help her get started so she can enjoy sewing also as well as not have to worry about when you might actually have time amid all you already have to do. Not long ago my husband made a deal that included throwing in my services to hem 2 pairs of pants. It turned into 8 pair and the woman failed to tell me one leg was shorter then the other- last time for that. I also told our son who was just notified he had to pick up a uniform for the high school marching band that I would fit his and a close friend but the others would have to take it to local taliors. Just like our sewing machine refurbishing- We will under certain circumstances repair a machine for someone but we are not in that business full time and do not wish to take business from our local shops.
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Tabby, you are not mean at all! You are simply making a decision how to use YOUR TIME and you're the only one who can do that.
I'll bet a hundred fat quarters you don't have a mean bone in your body :thumbup: |
Originally Posted by IdahoSandy
You are looking at the the wrong way. We were put on this earth to help one another. You have this wonderful sewing skill. Others have none. I would be glad and happy if someone ask me for help fixing these things. I call it charity. Doing good for another.
IdahoSandy |
Living in a Sr. housing complex, one would think that these women (65-95 yrs. old) would have a sewing machine, or have used one in their past life. Not so. Some like to think they can't sew on a button, much less sew up a seam or shorten slacks. I sew, quilts that is, most of the time, and they know it. I get a bit tired of hearing "Marge, would you shorten these, sew up this seam? etc. etc. etc." I know what you mean and it does make one blow smoke. I now make excuses of some sort and believe the problem is getting solved. Their taking the hint. I hope. Good luck.
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Originally Posted by tabsmonsters
I am in a pickle. This young wife whose husband works with mine found out that I sew and in the last several months has brought me sofa pillows that popped a seam, a stuffed animal that popped a seam and the other day my hubby brought home a blanket that she needed the binding sewn back on. When I returned it to her this morning, she mentioned another project she needs fixed. Its a simple project, sewing a bow back onto a costume but her excuse was she didn't have needle and thread. I am just beyond irritated that she seems to think that because I have a sewing machine and I know how to fix these things, she can bring me all sorts of projects. I was still fuming this afternoon and bought a cheap sewing kit to give to her the next time I see her and I plan on SHOWING her how to sew that bow on. It really isn't that difficult. I guess I have just been feeling used and I don't know how to tactfully deter her from using me as her personal seamstress or sewing fix-it-all. Thanks for letting me vent!
Do all that - sewing kit etc and when you give it to her, gripe about a "ficticious" friend that does not "understand that you are not running an alterations business"! and perhaps make a quilted mug rug, placemat, or little simple (coloring book style) flower wall hanging, to bring her and give to her, explaining that is what you really do! ....and maybe offer her a discount on just ONE baby quilt. |
Originally Posted by sueisallaboutquilts
Originally Posted by IdahoSandy
You are looking at the the wrong way. We were put on this earth to help one another. You have this wonderful sewing skill. Others have none. I would be glad and happy if someone ask me for help fixing these things. I call it charity. Doing good for another.
IdahoSandy "I make art quilts! like paintings made of cloth! - I have absolutely no idea how to do that!" - and they have to find someone who does alterations for a living.... |
Hey Everybody !
I have a pair of pants that I used strips from a roll of wonder under that I ironed on them to make a hem, more than 10 years ago and they have been washed and dried almost weekly since then, and they are still stuck fast! Everybody can Iron! PS I use a wet paper towel as a steamer "cloth" ! Give them a yard or so, and instructions copied on a copier! |
Originally Posted by bebe
give her a price for repair of item that is unreasonable and that will also probably keep her off your back
$10 to sew a seam closed $5 for a button anc such just a thought |
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