I am in a pickle. This young wife whose husband works with mine found out that I sew and in the last several months has brought me sofa pillows that popped a seam, a stuffed animal that popped a seam and the other day my hubby brought home a blanket that she needed the binding sewn back on. When I returned it to her this morning, she mentioned another project she needs fixed. Its a simple project, sewing a bow back onto a costume but her excuse was she didn't have needle and thread. I am just beyond irritated that she seems to think that because I have a sewing machine and I know how to fix these things, she can bring me all sorts of projects. I was still fuming this afternoon and bought a cheap sewing kit to give to her the next time I see her and I plan on SHOWING her how to sew that bow on. It really isn't that difficult. I guess I have just been feeling used and I don't know how to tactfully deter her from using me as her personal seamstress or sewing fix-it-all. Thanks for letting me vent!

I know how you feel! Before I even finished reading your post, I was going to suggest buying or making her a simple sewing kit and deliver it with the offer of teaching her how to sew. My friends were never interested in my quilting or sewing unless it benefited them. Guess what, they no longer get anything from me and they no longer ask me to "fix" something for them.

Good for you - you've already decided on a good way to handle this issue. Giving her a sewing kit (and maybe having to show her how to use it) is a gift on two levels. She may learn a new skill, and think of the satisfaction she'll feel on doing her own repairs! Okay, maybe not. But at least you'll feel better for having tried.

It's easy for 'giving people' to become doormats - you are becoming a mentor instead!

say to her what you titled your post, i'm a quilter not a repair person, i don't have time

Showing her how to sew may be a wonderful opportunity to establish a friendship.

You also could gently suggest that you can't do her projects - that cuts into your valuable 'quilt therapy' time :)

I too know how you feel. I no longer talk about my quilting to just anyone. They all seem to think just like this girl, you have machine, so you can fix anyhting. I really don't like to repair my own stuff, much less for anyone else. I doubt she will get the message even when you give her the sewing kit. Good Luck.

She can learn if she really wanted to. It's just easier to get someone else to do it for her. Sounds like a sewing kit is the perfect idea. She will have no excuse the next time.

I like the way you handled it. :thumbup:
Isn't it funny how non-sewers think that quilters like to do repairs??? Yuck, not me!! :D
You're a nice woman to get her that kit and you're doing yourself a big favor :)

OMG it must be in the air...my mom brings items over all the time..."it just needs to be hemmed...it's only a little tear", etc. The thing is, she has 4 different machines to my 2, and could fix them herself with no problem. I know exactly how you feel.

You could just start charging her to fix her items... or recommend a shop that does these types of repairs. Maybe she'll get the hint. I have the same issue and so does DH. he works on cars and the next thing you know, everyone wants him to fix their car for free or RIGHT NOW!

Really! I don't anymore, but I used to make some of my own clothes and I STILL didn't like to do repairs on my clothing. :) And it is dreadful how long something will sit in my closet because it needs a button or a hem.

The problem is I really have no desire to be her friend. We really have nothing in common besides the fact we are both married to Marines. I just don't want to hurt her feelings or cause stress for my husband at work.

Thank you for all the replies!

You are being used. The hardest thing I had learn was to say "No" to people who wanted little things done for them. Because I had a sewing machine, because I knew how to sew.

I'll show you how to do it but won't do it for you.

I even had a women tell me I was be unchristian when I said I would not re-upholster her couch cushions. "It's just a pillow case." I turned it around and asked her where in the Bible it said "thou shall re-upholster thy neighbors couch."

It's very freeing when you learn to say 'No' without guilt. the first few times are the hardest, but more you say it, the less guilty you feel. If you laugh it off as if they are joking it helps a little too.

I understand how you have to be friendly towards spouses of your dh co-workers. It's amazing how some people think because your spouses work together you should be best friends with them for no other reason. Gently push her away, be busy when she has a requet stuff like that.

Maybe you need to have a starter class on sewing???????
That way they will see what you go through...
Make up a little flyer and have DH past it out..
Oh!!! by the way on DH....Tell him the next time he says you sew, He needs to say you are a Quilter!!!!
If he comes home with something to be mended, hand him the needle and thread......LOL LOL LOL LOL
I was joking,,,,He is very proud of you or they wouldn't have found out that you sew........

LOL, I thought of a starter class! It was actually me that mentioned I make quilts and she was asking me if I know how to fix her pillows. I said sure thinking it was a one time deal. When he brought home the blanket, he was kinda thrust into a situation. She was at work and handed him the blanket along with an extra cell phone they gave us since I got mine wet. So he didn't feel right refusing the blanket at the same time they were giving us something.

I will get through it. I am just still kinda irritated! :lol:

Thanks!

Tell her you are too busy working on something you are being paid for! Give her a list of charges for items-so much to hem clothing by the inch, so much to repair jackets, slacks, household items etc. Night school for adults will be starting soon, tell her to enroll for sewing. No body minds helping out, but don't let someone take advantage. Good luck!

I am in the same boat as you. I just tell them that, 'gee, I'm sorry, I just don't have the time, maybe the alteration shop at such and such place could help you.' The only one I don't say no to is my grand-daughter.....

You could use a backdoor - just don't do it.
"Sorry, haven't had time to work on it yet."

Tabby, I would be willing to guess that your DH might be offering your services. I would mention to him that it's not acceptable to do so and have him tell his co-worker that your time is too limited to do anymore repairs. UNLESS they are willing to pay $15 an hour for your time. Maybe you are too accomodating...if they send a repair project for you to do are you dropping whatever else you are doing to get it done? Some people are just too nice..I suspect that is the case with you..
It's called "tough love" learn to say NO and mean it.
If she sends another project just say. "Oh I would love to help you out BUT I am in the middle of a project and it might be months before I could consider doing this for you" and politely return the item to her. I am sorry I sound so mean..I don't even have time to mend my DH's clothes that he wants fixed...happy stitchin' (on your own stuff) crafty_linda_b

I had someone try that... I looked at her and said I quilt I don't sew. Sorry there is a place on ____ street that does that. try there.

When people hint about me fixing or hemming things... I say flat out I dont do THAT kind of sewing... only the FUN kind, like quilting. :):)

While selling my items at a market one day a girl I know asked me if I could make flags for to put out.. I said sure - she's given me the fabrics and all- in the meantime she asked me to repair one of her children's baby blankets - I did -but in the process I had to do tons of work on it not to mention use my own fabric to redo the entire back of it... not a dime was given... though she knows I do this for a living!:(... I've yet to make the flags because I'm sure I will get nothing for them either :(

Giving her a sewing kit and instructions is a great compromise. It should free you up to work on your own projects

I can understand and feel your frustration. A sewing kit with lessons to show how to make minor repairs is a good idea and maybe giving her a list of shops somewhere close that will do minor repairs or alterations. It would also be in your best interest to mention that you charge for the repairs as it takes away from your quilting time to do these repairs....make it a high price so that she realizes that you are NOT in the repair business.

Just say NO, I have had people ask me to repair things or put a zipper in a jacket etc. I said what others have said, I quilt, I do not sew. One lady said well the dry cleaner down the road wants $14.00 to replace this zipper and I think that is to much. I said "I would charge a lot more than that" she never came back.

I have a funny story. My son married lovely Julie who had never picked up an needle or thread in her life. When she and her sister and mother needed something sewn, they brought it to a seamstress. So I'm the quilter and 8 or 9 years ago bought myself a new Janome because the Singer I had, the tension wouldn't work for FMQ. Julie asked if she could have my old sewing machine because she had some pillows she wanted to make. I gave her the whole kit and kaboodle along with the sewing lessions she'd need to make the pillows. Well, right away, her mother and sister were coming over wanting her to fix their clothes. She kept saying to them....I'm the same person that sent my stuff to the seamstress.....I don't know how to sew your pants or your blouse. Now how funny is that! And she must have learned by osmosis because last year, the children in school were sewing patches together for a quilt.....and Julie was one of the "sewing moms".

crafty_linda_b nailed it. It's likely not HER but your DH who's brought this problem on; I mean, how did she find out you know how to use a sewing machine anyway? :D

So, encourage HIM to resolve it. Tell him what you've told us. Remind him that nobody asks Picasso to paint their garage door, or Georgia O'keefe to do a mural on little Jenny's bedroom wall.

If DH is getting the "little projects" from this woman's husband at work, and not speaking to the woman at all, then that's an easy solution. Men rarely have the emotional hangups around "confrontations" that we women do, he can easily tell the other Dh that you no longer have time and it'll be no big deal, I'll betcha!

Jan in VA

My DH isn't selling my services. Most of this went on while he was deployed. Her DH and my DH were deployed together. The latest project with the blanket is the only one that my DH was involved in. I am a bit fuzzy on why she was at their work WITH that blanket to give him since its a 45 minute drive from where she lives. She usually sends me a message on facebook when she wants me to fix something but she didn't concerning the blanket. I was just pretty ticked when he came home on Tuesday with the blanket and said I was supposed to fix it and give it to her when I see her on Thursday.

I do have a hard time telling people no but I am going to have to with her. I don't think she will stop unless I talk with her. I just hate confrontations, even civil ones.

give her a price for repair of item that is unreasonable and that will also probably keep her off your back

$10 to sew a seam closed
$5 for a button anc such

just a thought

A family friend told me when I got a new sewing machine I could shorten his shirts he bought to long. And since I no longer have a job I should have time. I told him my new machine only sews new things no repairs.

I had to laugh....I'm a sewer too, not a fixer ! I used to make almost all of my children's clothes; for the youngest one she had a new SMOCKED dress to wear to church the first two years of her life...but if you needed a button replaced, a hem adjusted, just put it in the pile ! One day my SIL and family came to my house for a family dinner and gathering and she brought a large bag filled with mending for me to do. Kept the bag and about 3 months later found it again and told her that I just didn't have time ! I'm new to quilting so that is my focus now;forget about a new pair of pants!

Had a woman call me a couple of weeks ago to see if I would/could alter a dress she had bought, at least 2 sizes too big....said she needed it in a week.....I declined and she was offended. Her last remark was "I thought you could use the extra money!" Yes, since I'm retired and am living on limited income I could use the extra money but I no longer am going to put myself out for the insensibility of others !

I think Buying her her own sewing kit is an excellent idea. Also showing her how to mend some projects might make her get the hint! People have done that to me in the past even when they know how to mend things themselves... I just give them a very high price for doing it and then they change thir minds and learn to do it themselves.

You've got the right idea. Remember: “Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish; and you will not have to listen to his incessant whining about how hungry he is.”

or something like that...

I would probably fix the blanket or whatever and return it to her in person so I could have a conversation with her. I would just explain that while I do know how to make all of those types of repairs that she has been sending to me, I actually am a quilter and I focus my time in that direction. Give her the sewing kit and offer to teach her some tips on sewing and also offer the name of a business that does sewing so she has some other alternatives. Being young and being away from home is so difficult for some Military spouses. Not only do they need friends and companionship when their spouse is away but it is also hard for them to know where to turn when they need help. It will take her a while to learn the ropes and to know how to get up the gumption to go out in each new place to find the services she needs. I know my own young daughter struggles with these things as a Navy wife sometimes. She is getting better with my guidance but it has taken three years of talking and teaching her how to get things done. She has learned to network with other women as well to garner information from them. Perhaps this is all this young woman needs. Personally I'm a little put off by your comment that you don't want her as a friend. Being helpful doesn't mean you have to be chummy and go out for lunch and shopping after all. Besides do you really have more friends than you can stand? It's quite possible that this young woman never learned manners or how to survive from her own family, I say she just needs some guidance and I would give it to her while standing my ground.

But, if you give her a fee schedule, aren't you saying you have the time and interest to do it for money? Or is this in the hopes of having her not ask?

I do what I want to, yes to some, no to most. It takes practice, but, done with a smile usually works.

Just say no. Return the next thing she sends to you with a little note saying that you simply don't have time to help her out again but you would be happy to show her how to do the repair herself. You are definitely on the right track!

I teach sewing in a high school, the first year we had the class staff members frequently came by with their repairs asking us to fix stuff. This is a class mind you, my curriculum did not include miscellaneous side projects. And the poor kids, once their family knew they were learning to sew, they started piling their repairs on them. I personally don't do repairs and I don't do alterations either so I developed a lesson on "how to just say no diplomatically" so the kids could learn early how to handle these requests.

I tell people up front that I'm really lousy at repairs and alterations (and I am!!) and recommend a couple of dry cleaners that I personally use that do a really good job on that stuff.

you were being used! people who do that don't care. others are there for their needs only is the way they feel.
just tell her you have a family to take care of and can't do her repairs anymore.

This is quite all right my dear. I suppose it is why I charge $20.00 per hour for alterations. Giving her the "tools" to make her mending is probably the smartest thing you ever have done!

Giving her the "tools" to make her mending is probably the smartest thing you ever have done![/quote]
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I very much agree, and think you should tell her that learning how to sew will save her money (military dependents MUST learn this) and might even lead to making her some money as a quilter, seamstress, etc. With some professional classes she could become an expert. Remind her how clever you've noticed she is and you just KNOW she'll be successful in her studies!!!!!

Don't forget to give her back the blanket....

I know that sounded mean and I am sorry, but as I get older, I find I am selective with who I make friends with since I got put it sticky situations when I was younger. I have been helpful to her, but after 15 yrs of being married to a Marine I have learned to be independent. I know she is young and they haven't been married as long as I have, but its not my job to hold her hand for every little thing. She hasn't once asked me to show her how to mend things, just simply hands it to me to do.

I couldn't even show myself online on facebook without her trying to chat with me and ask me to do this and do that. One time she wanted me to drive to her house in the afternoon (20 minutes away on a good day) and fix the strap on her highchair that the dog had chewed through before she needed it at dinner. That was the turning point for me and after that she was just a nuisance to me. My husband was deployed too, for much longer than hers was, and I have two kids to take care of while she only has one.

I don't have the time, patience, or desire it would require to maintain her as a friend. I know how I must sound, but that's just how it is. I won't outright be mean to her or anything like that or I would have done it already. I don't have a lot of friends, but I like it that way. They don't bug me to death with helping them with every little thing.

I have been rambling long enough I think, lol! I really do appreciate all the replies. I will try to have more patience with her and show her how to mend a few things.