My darn lawn mower quit yesterday. Sigh. I got to thinking my Dad had a lawnmower he can't use. (my son has been mowing his yard for him) I asked if I could use it and was told no my sis might need it. Please understand my mom passed four years ago and I go over every night I don't work and spend at least a hour making sure he is Ok and visiting. My sisters son has taken his snow blower and the other son has his big grill. I guess this hurt more than I realized it would. I know my sis is going through a divorce and I have been there all the way for her. I went through a horrible divorce 10 years ago and no one in my family was there for me. So I guess this hurt me more than I thought. I guess no good deed (making sure dad was OK every night ) goes unpunished. Sigh.......this is really getting me down. Thanks for letting me vent.

Much better to say what you think here than to someone you love. We understand and won't hold it against you. Loved ones might. Hope it all works out ok.

oh girl we must be kin to each other LOL
i can feel your hurt - I have been done this way so many times by my mom - I also went thru a divorce and noone from my family was there .

Sometimes life just doesn't seem fair. Sorry your family is acting the way it is now.

(hugs)

What you're doing for your father is a good thing and you will be very thankful you spent as much time making sure he is all right as you are.

Hopefully your sister just doesn't have a clear mind right now and doesn't realize things are not being distributed equally.

You can always vent here with your quilting buddies! {{{{{hugs}}}}}

been there, done that, got the t-shirt....
my parents had 4 kids but to hear them tell it, there were two....
and my kids don't exist..

Glad you vented. We are here for more than quilting. I don't know why but family dynamics always seem strange to me. It seems like most families have lopsided relationships, favoritism etc.
You are not alone, honey!

I know where you're coming from. I used to feel like my dad rolled out the red carpet for a certain brother and expected me to have it vaccuumed for him! Now that dad's been gone for some years I can look back and be glad for everything I did for him. And I realize we all did what we could at the time and place we were in. Hang in there!

((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))

I can relate to your feelings, but in the end you will be thankful, happy that you spent the time to be helpful and attentive. Your goodness shows to others and quite frankly to the family, even if they are not able to show their feelings towards you. If not for your love and patience towards others would you be happy with yourself, it is a God given gift and one you harvest well.

Bless you,
Sharon

I agree better here. Get it out of your system . I can relate to your disappointment, and maybe Dad didn't realize that you needed the help at the moment since sis is getting a divorce , he thinks she needs him more. Not fair.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

My Grandmother died when I was in grade school. After I went to Jr High and I had a different bus, I stopped to visit my Grandpa every afternoon. At least an hour, he taught me cribbage and we talked and laughed.

I did not know anyone noticed, I did it for myself as much as anyone. After he died and we were cleaning out the house, my aunt, (who visited only on Christmas Eve)wanted the treadle sewing machine. My Dad stepped and stopped her told her it was mine, I was the one who visited him daily, I was getting the machine. I still have it and am planning on cleaning it up and learn to use it. Moral to the story: Someone IS noticing.

I'm so sorry but I totally understand your feelings. Being the oldest then having 2 younger brothers, it is me who does for the parents. The middle child has caused the most heartache & heart break for the parents but he is the golden child & always will be. I just do what my heart says is right & keep on doing for them even though I get the short end of ever stick where they are concerned. Just remember that you do know what is right & how you would want your kids treating you. I like to think that what goes around, comes around. Life is far from fair at times. We care for you here. So vent anytime.

Hugs! We're here for you!

Feel free to vent here anytime. Families can be real funny sometimes. So sorry you are going through this.

You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family. In a perfect world all our family would be our best friends, but instead there are times when our friends are more of a family to us than our own family members.

And we chose you!
:thumbup:

Chin up!

oh my you take care of yourself, I understand

My hubby is one of six children. I completely understand where you are coming from in this regard. I am an only child, and always wanted siblings. After seeing what has happened in his family, I'm thankful to be an only child.

I am sorry that you have been hurt like this. I'm sure your Dad didn't fully realize what this would do to you.
Hugs...

Thanks to all of you. It really helps. My dad just called and said he was thinking about it and realized if I asked to buy his mower I must really need it. He said he won't sell me the mower but will let me take it to my house and use it as long as I need it. I feel so much better now. Thanks for all your support. You are the greatest.

Glad it turned out well for you. (((hugz)))

God knows what's in your heart. Be there for your Dad.
Remember your children learn from you. We have families that have the "Golden" child. We all care for you.

This topic made me feel really bad, because it fits me too!! But seeing all these reply's helps me to know I am not alone and I feel much better...Thanks

We are all here for one another. Hugs to littlehud and jane65us

Been there Done that What you need right now is a big hug

Would your sister go over and get it and then bring it to you, with the understanding that she could borrow it any time she needs to. If you've gotten close during her divorce, she'd probably be glad to help out. My mom passed away and my dad has remarried. Some of the things he does now, I don't even believe. But he's 85 and probably not playing with a full deck. When I go back to Lubbock for short trips to take care of business there, I always try to visit him. He lives another 3 hours away. So, 6hrs round trip because I won't spend the night. Half the time, he tells me not to come. I think my stepmom doesn't like for me to see her house dirty, because she knows what a neat freak my mom was. (She raises dogs and doesn't do a good job of picking up after them. They live in the country, and there's always mouse droppings and bugs.) I just say ok and I'll try to catch them next time. I try to be philosophical and not take it personally, but it's not easy.

Edited to add: Just saw your post that he said you could use it. I'm so glad. He just needed a little time to wrap his head around it.

So glad to hear your dad realized he wasn't being fair. It is really painful when parents or grandparents appear to favor one child and it seems like it is often the one who does the least for them. It seems like they penalize the stronger ones by assuming they don't need anything. I've seen it a number of times and never could understand it.

So many words of comfort here, you ladies are great! I am glad that this worked out, that's the reason for hugs.

It stinks to always be the grown up, doesn't it? To always take the high road? But, always, do it.
Something I have been telling my 26 yo dd while she has been dealing with her idiot of a father ...and now her idiot of a soon-to-be ex-stepmother. Just keep being the grown-up, sweetie, just be the best big sister to those kids and the heck with the parents. Make a relationship that will stand the test of time with Matt and Nicole and be there in a way that their parents don't seem to get...
but, again, having to be the grown up stinks.

Glad to see your dad came around....don't you stop a thing!!!!

I bet my DH would come cut your grass if I told him to. ;)
Seems the child that does the most and goes out of their way, many times is the one that does not get shown appreciation.
You do right by Dad, but he did not do right by you.
You are justified in your feelings, sweetie and here's a big hug for all you do, (((((HUG)))))...I'm noticing :thumbup: if that helps :-D

ok, just caught up...dad called! hey! so he is paying attention :-D
That's great :thumbup:
I bet you feel a lot better. I love happy endings. :D

Doing for your father is wonderful. You might think he nor others notice it now but you will be the one to benefit from it in the future. Maybe not by material things, but in your heart you will know that you did what you could while he was here and your heart will be at piece when he passes.

I am so glad that your Dad did call you. That is way more than mine would have done. For this be very thankful. Just keep on doing what you feel in your heart to be right. You only have to answer for what you do. We are here for each other, anytime.

I agree, we cannot pick our family but we can pick our friends. And many times it is our cyber-friends that we feel most close to. You people are great people! Thank You!

So very sorry!!! (((HUGS)))

I know just how you feel. Do things the way you think you should, so that you will have no regrets in years to come. Others will get their pay backs. Hugs to you and everyone else that has and/or going throught this sort of thing. You are all good people for not treating them the way they are treating you.

Don't get tired of doing good for your family. I know they are a pain sometimes but, it is not the things you did that you regret, it is the things you didn't do that haunt you.
I am glad your dad is considering giving you the lawn mower, how else is he going to get his lawn mowed? LOL! I am kidding. Sorry... I sometimes have a sick sense of humor. But, I am harmless, honest!

I think that spendng time with your father is something you will never regret; you clearly care for others and have compassion and it is so unfair that this does not come back to you. Glad you have your quilting friends :) Hugs to you

Hugs!!!

Family can be either a joy or a pain. I have family members who are wonderful and considerate.

I also have family, although as far as I am concerned he is no longer my brother and his daughter is no longer my niece.
My parents are both deceased. Although the will plainly stated that EVERYTHING was to go to my brother with Down's, as he couldn't provide for himself. Instead, my older brother has stolen everything and has let his daughter live in my parents home since 1998 rent FREE!

My middle brother who is guardian has been in litigation since then but with the continuances, etc nothing has been finalized. I am co-guardian an co-conservator of my bother with Down's.

What I don't understand is how someone can totally steal from anyone let alone a brother who is mentally disabled.

Yes I am bitter about it. Yes, I plan on never seeing them again, and yes I believe they will burn in hell for what they have denied my brother.

My father had money and loved to buy jewels for my mother and had a huge gun,rifle, tool, and coin collection. His tools were especially nice as they were hand made in Germany as he was an aerospace engineer. I have a picture of him on the original 1 of 3 moon buggies. That is the only thing I have to remember my family besides a couple of photos I got in 1995.

My older brother did send me a ring, however, it was not one of my mothers as he had switched it.

With family like that, who needs enemies!!!

Hugs! As long as you know you are doing the right thing, that is all that matters!

Glad that worked out...I understand your feelings. Now some advice for the future...SPEAK UP! The family problems I've encountered have always been aggrivated by the person with the hurt feelings not speaking up!!! Next time that or something similar happens, speak up and let them know...REMIND him or whoever! Do it in a nice adult way...no whining or crying...just let them know.

I'm so glad it turned out well for you.

I am so sorry you had this pain, but it is great that your dad thought it through. We are here for you. Sometimes families are weird and are not "fair". My outlook in times like these is to do what ever it takes to look myself in the mirror in the morning and be able to say, "You did the right thing. You are a good person." If I can do that then to hell with what anyone else did.