Well last night a lady showed up. A semi relative by marriage to Don. She lost her job and wants to come rent our basement!!! Now if she could find room in it, she might be welcome.
But the main problem is she has an old large dog. Nice dog but we have three cats who wouldn’t like their lives being disrupted. Their potties are downstairs!
She stayed with us several months years ago when she first came here from Kentucky. She is a large girl, almost ate us out of house and home. Took long showers at 4 a.m, then took a dinner size plate of Don’s hash browns downstairs to eat before coming up for the day.
I don’t look forward to this again. Our house is full of stuff I’d have to move and the dog thing won’t go away. She wants to rent. Yeah, how much? Less than renting a house for sure.
Don doesn’t want to do it and neither do I. but we have to tell her.
This will get around to the relatives that we are terrible people but she’s the kind who latches onto people and inserts herself in their plans, etc. So maybe they won’t believe her too much.
I feel for her but really don’t want to get into this again. We are too old and tired and I can’t clean up at all right now due to my back. i had a bad fall and can't even bend over or sleep in bed.
So what do we say??

I would just tell her, I don't have an appartment in the basesment that I can rent. If I had one, I could rent..I might consider it.

Explain to her that you just don't have the room anymore and that you are having back problems.

Maybe some of the other relatives who would thing bad of you for not allowing her to crash at your place could take her in this time!

Good luck.

Barb

Oh my!
I'd just be upfront and honest with her.
Tell her that now is not the time for you to be taking in any sort of borders. Tell her you are sorry for her woes, but she'll have to find lodging/housing somewhere else.
I know it's hard to turn family/friends away when they are down on their luck, but sometimes you just have to put your foot down and say no. Don't beat yourself up for it. I know you will, because I would do the same thing. I'm a sucker too...have taken in tons of people who needed a place to stay because of hard times. Can't do it anymore. Too much stress on me and too much of a disruption to my life.

***ok, maybe a quilter or 2 staying for a while wouldn't be a bad thing. :) :) :)***

thanks. i'm 65 and my hubby is 84. we do well to take care of each other! I work full time, even with my back - but that will get better.
my hubby is a hoarder of sorts so our house really is a mess. he wont' throw away anything. you should see how i park in the garage-very carefully!

I believe in being honest! Just say "It wouldn't fit with our life style. But I can help you find an apartment". Why do we feel we must comply with weird requests to avoid hurting feelings, etc. Think of your own life first. That doesn't mean be selfish, but that is a huge thing to ask someone! If she has the nerve to ask, then you'll probably never get her out, you'll find reasons to leave your own home, and it's just not worth it!

Tell her you are sorry but, you don't have room for her and you are sure she wouldn't be happy with the living arrangement. I never have this problem as I live in a small place and have no basement. Some people have no problem putting others out, to make room for what they want for themselves. Let us know how this situation comes out. Good luck !!!

You have no reason to explain or be embarrased by your own home. It's YOUR home, and you can keep it anyway you want. It's grand that we are all different. I go into lots of people's homes with my Hospice work, and when they start to appologize, I remind them it's their home and they don't need to explain to anyone!

"no"

NO!
I understand I have had sisters and brothers stay with me and my stepmom who told me when I could go to bed and to put my dog in his cage when she is there. Well this last time when my stepmom wanted to stay I kindly said it just didn't work for me and she needed to make other arangements and I was nice about it. Yes there was a little drama and yep my siblings were mad at me for a while. But guess what they got over it and she found somewhere else to stay.

Just tell her what you told us! "Sorry, but that won't work for us"

I had a BIL move in for "a little while" one time, and over 2 years later, he got mad and moved out. Thank goodness! It was horrible, he was not a good person to have in my home. Then the other BIL moved in with his family and stayed 5 months. I don't recommend it. In neither case did they pitch in for utilities or whatever.

Take if from me, "JUST SAY NO!"

HI Native Texan.....
Here is the thing...YOU ARE 65! YOU get to do what you want...say what you want and you don't have to do anything that you don't want to do.....WHO CARES what other people will think?? Say "NO" and mean it! DOn't get suckered into doing something you don't want to do....compromising yourself anymore is out of your relm of possibilities!

I hope that helps you!
LOL!

:wink:

Just say no. And if she presses for a reason, you can give one of the above, or just say that you found out the last time that she was there that she just isn't a good fit for your household.

Once is an emergency. Twice is a habit.

I love that saying!

yes, we don't even really know where she lives at the moment. she leaves us a phone number but that's all. she had a rent house but not sure she still does. she said she is having to sell her house due to job loss. she mentioned the town she lives in during a conversation but never said the name of it. secretive for some reason. she is around Denver somewhere.
she used to work about five blocks from our house but never came by here unless she wanted to borrow something.

I'd just tell her NO! I've been in your same situation more times then I like to think about. I had one "boarder" once that was going to stay for 6 months, ended up staying a year, and when I finally told her she had to find somewhere else to stay, I was the bad guy! She never spoke to me again (big loss, huh?). Anyway, it's your home, and your decision....just cuz she asked doesn't mean you have to say yes. (Take it from someone who has learned that lesson).

Oh, and one more thing, if the relatives think you are terrible people for not letting her move in with you, just tell them that because of your decision, she is available to move in with them. (That ought to keep 'em quiet).

:D

the word is an emphatic NO!

did you know that if you allow someone to set up residence in YOUR home and they establish that as THEIR address, YOU cannot FORCE them out of YOUR home??? We've watched "cops" and other reality programs enough to NEVER let ANYone ever again stay in our home for ANY reason than a few nights vacation from son/DIL or Daughter/SIL.....

absolutely say NO

I would tell her NO!!!!! Plus aren't there laws you have to follow before you can rent a room out to someone. Don't you have to get a license for that and then there is the taxes and so on and so on. How's that for an excuse.

This is true, if she refused to leave then you would have to file eviction papers. If she is jobless, how is she going to pay the rent? I personally wouldn't even go there.

I would politely tell her, "No".

Say no. If some others in the family don't like it, tell them they can take her in. Also, there must be a (bad?) reason she is so secretive about her current living arrangements. That should be warning enough for you to say no to this woman.

NO. Simple, two little words.......I know, not so simple to say sometimes, but seriously ? Moving into your house?? NO!

Tell her no, that you don't have room in the basement for her or the dog. Of course, you would like to help, but maybe you could help by asking one of those relatives to take her in.

I think something's very odd there. She won't tell you where she's living? Perhaps she's already homeless. Then why not say so? Perhaps she's on the run from the law?

She'll have money from selling her house, so perhaps she can show a landlord her bank balance and rent a small place of her own. Or maybe she can rent a room from someone else who's out of work and looking for income.

Welllll.......do you have a legal apartment in your basement? (with bathroom, exterior exit, legal size windows that this person could fit thru)? Maye an easy way out is to state that your basement does not meet REGS for an apartment......

Do you get the idea that you are supposed to say NO. Sorry for her situation, but you just aren't able to help her out. (Good since hubby agrees as well) And if the relatives give you grief, I agree with the other posts, ask THEM why THEY haven't invited her to live with THEM.

I don't think you should even feel obligated to give her a reason beyond it just won't work. She'll see reasons as excuses and either try to argue with you, or twist those reasons around when she tells others about this. (and she WILL tell others) The less said on your part, the better.

"I'm sorry for your situation, but it just won't be possible for you to stay here." Repeat as needed

After going through similar situations I have finally learned to say no! The uneasyness you will feel about saying no is nothing compared to the frustration you will feel if you say yes.

Absolutely nothing stops some people from asking for anything, and I am constantly amazed by how many people let those ridiculous requests throw them for a loop. NO is the only
reasonable answer.
Perhaps she should take on a renter or two and hold on to her house and help out a few other folks who share her circumstance.. doesn't that put the responsibility back where it belongs?

After a person (family member) lived with us 6 months..we decided to tell them ,as they were moving out, that they could not come back.(they fly back and forth on a 6 month visa)
We relished our time alone and with joe's hours, we just didn't have much of that anymore. Besides, they both chain-smoked, and it drove my husband nuts..it came up through the vents. and his clothes smelled like ciggys.joe never smoked, and i smoke a little bit, but i smoke outside,even in the winter if i wanted one bad enough.
My utilities doubled..we bought a smoke eater for the basement but they didn't want to use it,because it was to noisey. I hired an electrician, and had it hardwired to the outlet, and took off the knob, so they couldn't turn it off.
right then and there, i told everyone that "if i ain't sleeping with ya, you can't live with me!" ROFL
we also got rid of the spare bed and got an aero bed, for when my kids come home to visit, from texas and florida.
that was 2 years ago. we just rescently got a full size bed, in an empty room that my grandson uses when i babysit.
just be honest with her..live is too short to do things you don't have to do, because others will judge you. Who cares what they think..they don't have to live with her! Kim

No is a perfectly acceptable answer. It is one many people don't like or appreciate, but I think you will be much happier in the long run given the previous encounter. It sounds like she does not understand boundaries very well.

all my quilt tops and quilts and lots of other sewing stuff is stored in the guest room downstairs. i would have to move all that if my Son and his family come in June anyway.
but moving all that and keeping it where ever i find space-which would probably be in my sewing room would mean i couldn't ever work in there with all that stuff piled high.
i know, i have too much stuff. that's true. but it's my "stuff".
i have trouble cleaning house now and only do it when i must.
out of town visitors are a good reason but a live in relative-not my idea of fun. She's always been an odd ball. i feel sorry for her but really hear complaints from others at times, so hopefully neither my hubby or myself will lose a lot of sleep over this.

Stick to your guns!! NO BORDERS! My Grandpa got suckered in on a deal like this with a relative and it was a disaster. Just the disruption of sharing his space nearly drove him crazy and then when you added in that his border was a night owl and he is an early bird it was awful.

Be nice about it but don't be bullied into doing what you know in your heart is not right for you. You worked hard. You built a life. It is not your job to provide for every shirt tail relative that knocks on the door.

Hi,

Just say NO and explain to her that you just can't handle all the extra stuff to do. Also besides her dog wouldn't get along with your cats.

Just say NO and just get on with your life as it is too much stress for you.

Karen

Hi,

Please tell her no and explain this to her:
Also tell her that your Insurance policy doesn't allow boarders, so problem is solved. I was an Insurance agent for 25 years and some Insurance companies don't like others staying in your home.

So this way the problem is resolved.

Karen

I agree with many of the posts. You have no business taking this person in even though she is going to pay "rent". Just tell her that it is not a good idea for this to happen.

funny, she would have somethingto say about the insurance thing. she knows all. or her boyfriend does. anyone but the person who is telling her something.
OK, we will be brave and nix her request. keep your fingers crossed! :-o

If the first time was a success I don't think you would be posting. It would be easy. No is never easy but sometimes neccessary I agree with the no excuses. Just no. And the other relatives can suck it up and take her in if they have issues with her being homeless. There are programs for that as well. I don't have much to do with relatives that will judge me that way. Life is way to short to worry what others are thinking. It is your life.

Great, will be keeping my fingers crossed.

A gentle but firm NO BEFORE she moves in is MUCH easier than a GET THE HECK OUT OF MY SPACE once she is settled.