was a huge chance they wouldn't appreciate it? To make a long story short we have a niece who has grown up in a house where gifts are just not appreciated or kept. She is having a very hard time now (has issues and is a group home and basically been cut off from her immediate family) and has been calling me to talk. I think she is searching for some connection and sense of family. Dh and his brother though they grew up in the same home are VERY different....I have the idea floating around in my head to make her a lap quilt. BUT it takes me so long to make one and you all know how much goes into one, and I don't want to do it if she is going to follow what she has grown up with and just toss it. And not to be ugly about this but it would have to be a bigger than normal lapquilt I think as she is a really big girl at 6'3" and a size 13 in mens shoes........so would you make one?

A gift from your heart is still a gift, once we give the gift we no longer get to decide what is done with the gift. Give her one if it will satisfy your needs, and be happy that you have done so. Love her as you can, if she doesn't come round with the same care for the gift, at least you know you have done a great thing on your part. The best thing about a gift, is the giving.

(((HUGS))))

absolutely not. only give where it will be appreciated. Maybe some day she will change, but not at this time.

It really doesn't mater if I would make one or not. The real question is DO YOU WANT TO DO IT? Sometimes we already know the answer to our question. If it would make her feel loved and included it would be wonderful. However you must remember a gift is a gift, the receipent can do with it what they will.

WELL SAID!!!!!

i would! i'm sure it'll be appreciated but in her own way.

Absolutely! We all experience different circumstances in life that affect who we become. Sometimes, just knowing that someone genuinely cares without judgement can make all the difference. This may be an opportunity to reach out to her. Sometimes it takes losing everything and everybody we have taken for granted in order to pick ourselves up, dust off, and start over. If you make her a quilt, you will know that is was done out of love in her time of need. I don't know about you, but I could live with that being enough satisfaction even if she did not appreciate the quilt the way I would hope. God Bless you both.

I wonder if you made her apart of the quilt making, make it something special to her.
It sounds like she needs time and good memories.
I have done this with our family and they change their attitudes towards gifts.
Sue

Absolutely! Sometimes we think people don't appreciate the items we make for them when actually it's that they don't know how to express their thanks. Also, maybe she is reaching out for some connection. Wouldn't it be nice to reach back. Tell her what you'd like to do and maybe ask for some input or assistance.

Is she close to you? Perhaps she'd really appreciate some one on one time, maybe you could make one together and that would also give her the chance to talk everything through at the same time. Bet she'd keep that one!

I think I would, she is reaching out. She may not appear to appreciate it at the moment, but I bet she keeps tabs on it!

well one issue is that she lives on the other side of the country! We saw her about 2-3 years ago and before that she was a baby. She calls me and her G'ma (my mil) frequently. we're not either one of us sure that we hear the whole truth from her though.....her dad says nothing to anyone. I think I will ask her what her fav colors are and go from there. Maybe a simple 9p that will go together quickly. Now someone wanna come clean my sewing area and plant my garden for me? I must need my head examined for taking on something else with so much already going on!

I think you should. Give her the gift selflessly. Expect nothing in return.
If she is in a group home, whatever happens in her life NOW will affect who she is FOREVER. Really. I have spent a lot of time with kids like her.

She is reaching out to you, so reach back. She is looking for a connection.

If you don't want to make her an entire quilt, make her a pillow.

I would make her one. It will be the moment of Opening the Package that will count. She will feel your love. If she were to keep it or not just doesn't matter. It's that moment of love that soothes.

Rather than a pieced quilt, how about more of a blanket? Sandwich two pieces of fabric and batting with a simple grid quilting and a "made with love" label. Don't think about the eventual fate of the quilt. Just focus on the moment where she knows she is loved.

It sounds like making her a quilt will help you. I think YOU NEED to make her a quilt. If she appreciates it, that's a bonus. If she doesn't, well, you half way expected that she wouldn't anyway. Don't be disappointed.
I would suggest that you make her something more than a lap quilt, though. With her being tall, a lap quilt will look dwarfed.
My BFF was tall as a child and still is. As we were growing up, she hardly ever had anything that was the right size.
Just my opinion..............

Heres what I do. First, I make them a pillow case or a pair, themed with something they like, cars, motorcyles, camping, etc. Then, depending on their reaction, it helps me decide if they are "quilt worthy". My quilt test only applies to adults. However, I made a quilt for a friend, thinking it would be used in a hunting camper and when I gave it to her, she took it home to use, said it was too nice for the camper. Guess you never know, follow what your heart tells you.

yes, i'd still make one. it's from the heart and that is what she needs right now. you will know you did the right thing and who knows? it just might make "the difference" in her life. good luck to you and her.

If you're hesitant to make a quilt maybe make a pillowcase like the million pillowcase challenge.

Has she shown any interest in your quilt making, & quilts, so far? Has she admired your work? And like another said, what do you want to do? If not making a quilt, maybe there is something else you could give her that she would appreciate right now. Maybe just having you to talk to right now, is enough for her. Hard to tell, go with what feels right to you, & if you do a quilt for her right now, still to something simple & fairly quick, that will help you out too... Good luck!

Yes I would , she may feel like she's drowning and that could be just the life preserver she needs. Since she has been cut off from family , she must think alot of you to have come to you for support. Just keep it simple , maybe a panel with blocks added around the sides, maybe a scrappy strip quilt, maybe a theme of "New Beginings".Just knowing that someone cares and has your back can mean so much. Also let her know that it took x amount of time and mention something like "wouldn't it be neat if you could pass it on one of these days"it would help her to look at the future. :-D Good luck and I will pray for her.

Yes, I definitely would but I have a tremendous burden for children in need. If you don't want to bother buy her a fleece blanket from Walmart and send it with a pretty card and kind note. One of my DD's is a big tall girl and she loves all the beautiful big quilts I made her but she also loves a tiny blue fleece blanket some random person gave her. Fleece has agreat tactile appeal and is very soft.

It seems though your heart is telling you that you want to give her the gift of a quilt and maybe that is how you are expressing your love and care for her too.

I am sure she will feel someone really cares...sound like she needs that reassurance..so yes if I were you, I would

just to clarify.....this is NOT a child I am talking about. She is 22 years old and extremely smart.....mentally though I think she is not quite that mature.....like I said there are issues. She's 9 months older than my oldest dd. When we saw her a few years ago she was just very unsure of herself and kind of awkward. That might have been from being around a huge family she doesn't really know but I think not. Things that I don't even think about my kids doing (like getting in the ocean) she was afraid of. My heart really does break for her.....but at the same time I'm very afraid to get sucked into her life.....there have been overdoses and hospitalizations, and a slew of other issues. But if I can help her I would.......I think she is a very needy young lady at this point.

I would. You never know what it will mean to her.

OK, without knowing "the whole story"...

It sounds like this girl has drug problems. And...(in my experience) drug users are an opportunistic lot. They do not hold attachments to people or things, and they are looking to gain the upper hand anyway they know how...that is how they survive. That is their way of life.

No, she probably will NOT appreciate a quilt in the way a "normal" person would. She would not appreciate the gazillion hours it takes to make a lap quilt, even a standard size one. She may not tell you thank you, or express "thank you" in enough ways to "prove" to you she likes it.

HOWEVER...imagine things from her perspective. Not from her drug perspective, but from a place where she has deficits and understands the world in a diminished capacity. She is clamoring to survive. She is desperate to try and make it day to day. A quilt...can't be sold off to "make ends meet". She doesn't have a master suite to display this quilt proudly for all the Ladies Who Lunch to ooh and ah over. It may stay with her for a few months, or a few years. Whatever comfort it can give her during the time she has it is more than she had before.

It costs you only time (and some fabric) to send her some comfort. The quilt is a gift to YOU while you're working on it, to meditate-pray-think about this girl and send her well wishes. Decide how much time you want to spend and do it. Sew with a purpose, and then let all that love and concern go with the quilt, to her. Some of it is bound to rub off, kwim?

I think it would be a wonderful way to show her that you are thinking about her and that you love her!

I sooo agree. Find a pattern that doesn't take a big time commitment like a Disappearing 9 Patch.

Nope, wouldn't do it. For some people it is just a thing, they appreciate the thought but not the object.

This was my thought. Can you include her in the quilting making. I've also seen some very easy to make quilts lately, that would not take so long to make. Unfortunately, I don't know their names except that they are 'tube' quilts. One didn't have ANY seams to match.

I agree!! I, myself, stopped making home made gifts for hubby's family because they seemed to prefer the store-bought-type. I figure I'd rather just get them what they wanted. Just because it may be special to me, if the recepient didn't think so why should I take my precious time to do it?

Yes, Go For it! Like the others said, A Gift From Your Heart! I don't know her, but think she would really appreciate the thought and Love that you have for her and give her!

So very well said.

I would make the quilt, a simple one. I would also be it with embrodry, permanent ink, paint, whatever, I would put her name .I would put het name and say I love, I care about you. She will feel like its only hers and see your loving messages all the time. If she is in a halfway house no one else can take it cause her name is all over it, SHE CAN'T GIVE AWAY CAUSE HER NAME IS ALL OVER IT. Others in the house will be telling her how lucky she is to have some who cared. Just a thought

I totally agree

Follow your heart, but personally I wouldn't spend a lot of time or money on a quilt that may very well disappaear.

When I started quilting I asked my mother if she would like me to make her a quilt and she said, "I don't need any more blankets." So I made one for my grandmother instead. I know she must have seen it and heard the praise of it from my grandmother. So I got around to making her a quilt and sent it to her without asking if she wanted it. It wasn't her birthday or any occassion. I got the most heart felt thank you from her.

I knew she really didn't/doesn't know about the work involved but I think she learned about the love involved by how my grandmother appreciated her quilt.

I give quilts to whoever I want to for whatever reason, whenever. Not because they need or don't need, want or don't want a blanket but to show them my love. What they do with that love is their business, it doesn't change mine.

This is a very interesting subject. I see both points of view. I believe I would make a simple quilt and would add a label with your niece's name, your name and the message that you love her. I believe everyone needs proof of their lovability. But don't do it if this doesn't come from your heart. You can call it your prayer quilt.

That's a hard call & only your heart can guide you on this one. But do put a label on it with her name & from you because in group homes as in nursing homes, articles get lost, stolen, misplaced. At least if her name is in it, she can rightfully claim it

I like the way you think.

I like the way you think.