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Thread: What is tradition for FOG on wedding day??

  1. #1
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    We have another wedding coming up in August..the second son to marry this year. Our son is insisting his Dad rent a tux...a cost we really cannot afford. Dad has a nice soft black suit....think that will be ok? What is the traditional wear for the FOG? You'd think that with this being the fifth child to marry, we'd have this all figured out, but this is the first son to marry in a traditional ceremony in a church building. Any feedback would be appreciated....

  2. #2
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    When our children were married all three in 19 months we had to rent a tux for our sons wedding; also our 2 daughters - all church weddings. Also when our daughters were married the FOG wore a tux.

    I totally agree with you I think a black suit would have been fine; but seems we go along with the bride and grooms request.

  3. #3
    Power Poster amma's Avatar
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    Maybe gently remind your DS that you just cannot afford this expense? If he still feels it is necessary, then he can pay for the rental :D:D:D

  4. #4
    Super Member lauriejo's Avatar
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    When DH & I married all the wedding party rented tuxes, except my FIL. He weighed about 350 at the time so a tux rental was just not practical. He did wear a sport coat and that was fine with me. I felt the family being together was more important than the photo opportunity. Tell your son that if he insists that his father rent a tux, he can pay for it. Or better yet, ask him which is more important, his father or the tuxedo.

  5. #5
    Super Member Rebecca VLQ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by amma
    Maybe gently remind your DS that you just cannot afford this expense? If he still feels it is necessary, then he can pay for the rental :D:D:D
    Yeah, this.

    And, FWIW when DH and I got married a decade ago I thought all the men HAD to be in tuxes (per tradition). Being older and wiser, I wish I'd have not been so hung up on all the tradition things and kept it simple, with folks wearing what they thought was most beautiful/handsome. You know, give a guideline (Like, please everyone wear dark suits, or shirts and ties).

    The FOG should be the next-best-dressed at the event, the groom being the first-best dressed. He is the pillar that has been there for his son from day one, and this is a proud proud day. :D

  6. #6
    Senior Member Barbshobbies's Avatar
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    We had 3 girls that married in churches. 1 was very small, #2 put princes Diane to shame, and the last one had her reception 4 mo. later and it was a picnic. Boy am I glad we don`t have any more getting married, it might be a circus. Any way for the big showy wedding, DH had to wear a tux. He said no way, so the soon-to-be SIL took his measurements (DH) and because they rented so many, they got 1 free. DH wore it in protest,and every one was happy. They are all still married and doing well.

  7. #7
    Super Member clem55's Avatar
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    Three sons here, and when they all had traditional church weddings, ( plus daughter did too) all the guys wore a tux. That thing about renting so many at once may offer one free, make sure you tell your son about that, and that your hubby needs the free one! There has been a lot of money spent on tux rentals in our family, our boys had lots of good friends. LOL I understand the cost factor, but it does mamke a difference in the photos . Daughters wedding ,everyone wore long dresses and pastels, except the grooms mom. She wore a short red dress, and it rerally spoiled the looks of the group photos. Big deal??? Probably not in the long run, but it did seem to matter then. Talk to son!!!!!

  8. #8
    Super Member ptquilts's Avatar
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    DH's 3 kids got married, first one wanted him in a tux and rented it for him (knew we couldn't afford it). Second one didn't care, third one rented him a suit (he does not have any that fit, he is not a suit kind of guy).
    On the first one, we were talking to DH's brother about the tux and asked him if he would rent/wear one for one of his kids. He said he didn't mind the renting but would not wear one. DH was just the opposite.
    DH did look very nice in it, (sort of like the godfather) - he did not even wear a suit when we got married, so it was a treat to see him in one and have pics.

  9. #9
    Junior Member Grammashel's Avatar
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    We had 7 kids get married and only one requested tux. We never even gave it a thought. Most of the grooms did but it wasn't mentioned for the rest. Nice suits were fine.

  10. #10
    Super Member SherriB's Avatar
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    When our DD got married, her groom, bridemaids, groomsmen, and her Dad all rented their tux's. It was so much cheaper and no one was stuck with things they would never use again. The bridal shop she rented from let everyone pay over time so we weren't out a huge expense at once.

  11. #11
    Senior Member sall's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lauriejo
    When DH & I married all the wedding party rented tuxes, except my FIL. He weighed about 350 at the time so a tux rental was just not practical. He did wear a sport coat and that was fine with me. I felt the family being together was more important than the photo opportunity. Tell your son that if he insists that his father rent a tux, he can pay for it. Or better yet, ask him which is more important, his father or the tuxedo.
    AGREE

  12. #12
    Senior Member hannajo's Avatar
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    I guess the best bet to is be sincere, and don't be pressured into anything. If you guys aren't able to rent it and it's that important to the bride and groom, they can pick up the tab. Personally, if the rest of the men are wearing black tux's, I can't imagine a black suit will be much different to look at.

    When we got married two years ago, we paid for the tux for FOG, as well as the dress for MOG. And we paid for a bridesmaid dress for a family member who couldn't afford it. I don't know what the tradition is in this area, but we knew they couldn't afford it. After having been in several weddings and then being a recent bride myself, I feel like writing a book on wedding etiquette - for the bride, groom, family members, wedding party, and guests. I always get irritated when people use weddings as an excuse for heightened egos...

    I hope you post updates, as well as pics of the big day!

  13. #13
    Super Member TonnieLoree's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by amma
    Maybe gently remind your DS that you just cannot afford this expense? If he still feels it is necessary, then he can pay for the rental :D:D:D
    I agree with amma here. I also think that the ceremony will not be affected by the FOG's attire, unless he is naked. ;-)

  14. #14
    Super Member Tink's Mom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TonnieLoree
    Quote Originally Posted by amma
    Maybe gently remind your DS that you just cannot afford this expense? If he still feels it is necessary, then he can pay for the rental :D:D:D
    I agree with amma here. I also think that the ceremony will not be affected by the FOG's attire, unless he is naked. ;-)
    I think this works...if all the groomsmen are wearing a black tux...how about renting a TIE to match what they are wearing. This way his black suit will blend with the tux they are wearing.

  15. #15
    Super Member CloverPatch's Avatar
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    "Tuxedos started back in the 1800s because the military always had full-dress uniforms for parties and formal occasions. The laymen didn't quite fit into the into the look. So, tuxedos started as a type of uniform for special parties and royal events in England. Everyone dressed for these parties, and the tuxedo came along as the formal way to dress for the person who was not in the military or part of the government." http://www.bscenemag.com/b-wed/tuxedo-tradition

    Tux has only been a tradition for what 200yrs? More of a keeping with appearances than anything to do with sentiment or symbolism. Wear the suit. You don't "have" to have a tux.

  16. #16
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    We just had DDs traditional church wedding in June. Both FOB and FOG wore tuxes. However, I do think it could be up for discussion if money is an issue. Personally, I think if both fathers were wearing dark suits it would be just as appropriate and, really, more practical. I have been to weddings where even the groomsmen wore their own dark suits. I would suggest a very frank discussion with your son and his his bride-to-be. While I love traditional weddings...there sure is alot of money spent for just a few hours!

  17. #17
    Super Member Jan in VA's Avatar
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    Traditional wedding etiquette dictates that the FOG wear can go either way. That's your "official" leg to stand on.

    Your son decrees it needs to be tux. That's your parental love decision. Is it worth upsetting him (and her) on their day, and maybe for a long time to come, over the price of a tux rental?

    Jan in VA

  18. #18
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    just a suggestion- some tux rentals give the groom a free tux with the rental of 4(or5)tuxes. maybe Dad's tux could be the free one if it's that important to the bride and groom?

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    I think you should really speak to your son. Don't simply make a decision and assume it's good enough because a few people told you so on a quilting website. Since the FOG is an official member of the wedding party I think a decision needs to made together with the bride and groom. You might propose that you'll rent a tux , but forego a gift-- or work out some sort arrangement.

    Heck, maybe the bridal party can all throw in $10 a piece to cover it. I know mine would have--gladly.

  20. #20
    Super Member Glenda m's Avatar
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    Maybe it's a bride thing? Just wondering.

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    Super Member Minnisewta's Avatar
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    My daughter got married last summer. The groom and groomsmen all wore matching gray suits that they all bought. Both fathers wear asked to just wear a gray suit that they already owned. This way all the guys had suits that they can wear for a few years and no one wasted money on a Tux they only wear once.

    It's called trying to help the people in your wedding so they don't have to spend so much money. The bridesmaids all picked their own dress style they just had be the color my daughter had picked. Jewel tone purple. It all looked really nice.

  22. #22
    Super Member arizonagirl's Avatar
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    Hey I'd have your son check with the tux rental place and see if they could work a deal. Like Barbshobbies said they were able to get FOG's tux free. It cant hurt to ask. And it's usually the only way you get deals like that. I always try to get some kind of deal or freebie when I'm out shopping. Like today, I was at the used book store and between me and DH we spent $95. I was friendly with the young man that rang me up and then asked if he could give me a discount. He took $10 off the total. I do thing like that all the time and about 80% of the time it works, especially if the sales person gets commission.

  23. #23
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    Unless Dad is a groomsman or best man, I think a black suit would be fine.

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jan in VA
    Traditional wedding etiquette dictates that the FOG wear can go either way. That's your "official" leg to stand on.

    Your son decrees it needs to be tux. That's your parental love decision. Is it worth upsetting him (and her) on their day, and maybe for a long time to come, over the price of a tux rental?

    Jan in VA
    This was my concern as well...that if Dad doesn't wear a tux, it will cause a stumbling block for years to come. And since we already have had a run in with her parents a couple of years ago...and my son decided to weasel out of the lies he was telling by telling her parents that I was crazy and emotionally unstable.....well, there is already a fire there...And they are attempting to blend two cultures here, as she is full Hispanic, and her mother speaks no English (and if you saw my son, he is tall, skinny, and very blond!!).....and at this point, we still have five children left to, hopefully, someday marry. If one of these five decides to have a traditional wedding, we will have to face a tux rental again. And what if our finances are in a better place then??(which, of course, we all hope for!!)......and Dad goes with the tux, and then what??? Offense time again!!

    What the final decision came down to yesterday was we went with the tux rental.....charged it on a card that pushed the usage up to about 85% of the credit limit....this is something that we DO NOT normally do..as we consider all cards at their limits when they reach 45% of their credit limit. (that way we don't overspend) I am not sure how I am going to pay this off, but somehow I will think of something. Christmas gifts will be more at a minimum this year..that's for sure!!

    Thank you all for your input and advise. Truth be told, I am just ready for this year to be over. The first son that married in April did so way too young (barely 19, she was barely 18), against our expressed wishes, and without our consent and agreement (which I realize in this day and age means very little)....it was a difficult day, eased only by having the Friendship Album squares there to have the guests sign. Now with this wedding coming up next week, I am looking at having to be around her family, who all think I am a nut job, and watch this son marry and hope he will be happy. (We have tried to talk to our son several times about all that happened two yrs ago, he refuses to talk about it...but to set the "record" straight, we have the proof that he was lying to us. We have finally given up on ever getting that situation all worked out).....I plan to just smile and be polite on August 11 and 12th, do my "job" as MOG.....grit my teeth and just get through it. I have decided August 13th is my New Year's Day....(and another son's birthday)....this is our last big "hurrah" with this son, and once it's over, we will not be helping him again financially. I truly cannot wait for the 13th to get here.

    Anyway, thank you all....I really appreciate your advise and insight...you guys all help me think clearer, feel not so alone, and make me smile. Thank you, thank you, thank you......

  25. #25
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    Just remember, even tho your son is getting married, there's a bride involved! You don't want her to be a bridezilla! I know. I know. Just another perspective.

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