What are your thoughts?
08-20-2013, 07:57 AM
#52
Super Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: chicago, IL
Posts: 9,589
Originally Posted by ptquilts
My evil twin would want to send them a poem in return --
We love to go to weddings!
Buying presents is such fun.
But asking for cash instead of gifts --
My dear! It's just not done!
We love to go to weddings!
Buying presents is such fun.
But asking for cash instead of gifts --
My dear! It's just not done!
08-20-2013, 08:13 AM
#53
Super Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Illinois
Posts: 9,312
Asking for cash is just tacky and very poor manners. That being said .. these are neighbors... and for the sake of relations , I would put the same amount I would have spent on a gift ( maybe even a bit less) into a card... and just chalk it up to REALLY BAD MANNERS. Attending is another story... since you are neighbors.. kinda hard to say you were out of town unless you plan on hiding in the basement with the lights off. Go spend a little bit of time , then leave.
Having been in similar situations with my neighbors, birthdays , graduations etc. ... its a tough situation. The other side of the coin , is they probably did not want to hurt your feelings by not inviting you, since you are neighbors and would be aware of the party. The grab for cash there is just no excuse. I did see one person take most of the wedding gifts and had a garage sale within months of the wedding and sold the gifts for pennies on the dollar. When I asked about selling the gifts, the bride stated " well I asked for cash , this is how I will get the money we asked for ".
Having been in similar situations with my neighbors, birthdays , graduations etc. ... its a tough situation. The other side of the coin , is they probably did not want to hurt your feelings by not inviting you, since you are neighbors and would be aware of the party. The grab for cash there is just no excuse. I did see one person take most of the wedding gifts and had a garage sale within months of the wedding and sold the gifts for pennies on the dollar. When I asked about selling the gifts, the bride stated " well I asked for cash , this is how I will get the money we asked for ".
Last edited by Lori S; 08-20-2013 at 08:17 AM.
08-20-2013, 08:41 AM
#54
Power Poster
Join Date: May 2008
Location: MN
Posts: 24,444
Originally Posted by Lori S
Asking for cash is just tacky and very poor manners. That being said .. these are neighbors... and for the sake of relations , I would put the same amount I would have spent on a gift ( maybe even a bit less) into a card... and just chalk it up to REALLY BAD MANNERS. Attending is another story... since you are neighbors.. kinda hard to say you were out of town unless you plan on hiding in the basement with the lights off. Go spend a little bit of time , then leave.
Having been in similar situations with my neighbors, birthdays , graduations etc. ... its a tough situation. The other side of the coin , is they probably did not want to hurt your feelings by not inviting you, since you are neighbors and would be aware of the party. The grab for cash there is just no excuse. I did see one person take most of the wedding gifts and had a garage sale within months of the wedding and sold the gifts for pennies on the dollar. When I asked about selling the gifts, the bride stated " well I asked for cash , this is how I will get the money we asked for ".
Having been in similar situations with my neighbors, birthdays , graduations etc. ... its a tough situation. The other side of the coin , is they probably did not want to hurt your feelings by not inviting you, since you are neighbors and would be aware of the party. The grab for cash there is just no excuse. I did see one person take most of the wedding gifts and had a garage sale within months of the wedding and sold the gifts for pennies on the dollar. When I asked about selling the gifts, the bride stated " well I asked for cash , this is how I will get the money we asked for ".
And gotten a better return!Even though asking for cash seems crass - some of the things given as gifts do seem to be in the "thanks. But you REALLY shouldn't have!!!" category.
My daughter has been married 14 years now - she still has items in unopened boxes. We were given things I NEVER used.
Maybe one of the reasons people hesitate to give money is that it is so easy to compare $5 to $500.
If the recipients have any class, they will realize that the $5 from Great Aunt Martha represents 10% of her pension and was a sacrifice for her.
On the other hand, for some people, $100 may represent about five minutes of work.
08-20-2013, 09:13 AM
#56
Super Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Illinois
Posts: 1,322
I am going to throw my two cents in. I think it is fine to ask for monetary gifts versus stuff they may never use. The old etiquette rules are passe. They have a child on the way. Truth is money is probably what they need.
I still have a silver spoon and platter that I rarely rarely use. It was from my parent's neighbor, a very sweet older woman.
A small nominal monetary gift would be appropriate IMHO if you feel like it and just send a card if you do not. I would not give them anything but money.
I still have a silver spoon and platter that I rarely rarely use. It was from my parent's neighbor, a very sweet older woman.
A small nominal monetary gift would be appropriate IMHO if you feel like it and just send a card if you do not. I would not give them anything but money.
08-20-2013, 11:59 AM
#58
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Dallas area, Texas, USA
Posts: 3,042
If you're not going, there's really no reason to send a gift. How about a card wishing them well, maybe with a few words about how fast she's grown and you wish you'd gotten to know her better over the years (if you do)? Honestly I think some people just invite anyone they can think of in the hope of "rewards", and they know very well that if the tables were turned they wouldn't be spending any money on you if they weren't even going to your party.
08-20-2013, 01:25 PM
#59
Super Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Lumby, British Columbia
Posts: 2,769
Oh man this is so tacky! I must say it sounds a bit like a cash fundraiser when they are inviting people they hardly know. If you not attending the reception I wouldn't send a gift. But if you want to keep peace with the neighbors what's $25 in the big scheme of things. The last two weddings we've been to we didn't even get a thank you card! Interesting if you do,
08-20-2013, 02:01 PM
#60
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,657
Originally Posted by Rose_P
If you're not going, there's really no reason to send a gift. How about a card wishing them well, maybe with a few words about how fast she's grown and you wish you'd gotten to know her better over the years (if you do)? Honestly I think some people just invite anyone they can think of in the hope of "rewards", and they know very well that if the tables were turned they wouldn't be spending any money on you if they weren't even going to your party.
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