Boston1954

Jim's sister was like that when we were in Massachusetts. She only came by when she needed him to work on her car.

I would sit down and write this woman a letter. You can calmly state how you feel. I have never been very good verbally. I get too excited and do not word my sentences well. If I write it down I can express what I really want to say.

JJs

boy, that's it in a nutshell - they do what THEY want to, and expect YOU to participate.

I have a VERY manipulative older sister who is mentally ill. My mother has NEVER expected her to have any responsibility for her own actions and she has ALWAYS been a user. I have FINALLY been able to tell her that I am NOT going to participate in her bizarre behavior.
Sometimes I think the 'givers' attract the users or the users are able to find the givers.... we just have to learn to say NO and make sure we MEAN IT. and to Follow through with it

DebraK

Pam, your last sentence said it all. I just want to give you a hug. This is no fun ;-(

CAROLJ

Be careful about picking up the horse and equipment, you may have to go through legal channels to get it back.

And, she's not your friend.

Gramof6

Pam I am so sorry that you are faced with this. It does sound like you know what you must do. Many of us have gone through similar circumstances and it is painful. Relatives have burned me pretty bad as well as a few friends. I am now tight with my checkbook & purse. Sorry but I do not own a bank or money tree. If that is what they want me for & it was obvious it was, fine...let them go. They were not caring & appreciative in the first place. The world is full of people such as your friend. Sad but true. You just have to be selective of who you do help out. By nature, we tend to want to help people & fix their problems or meet their needs. They must FIRST help themsleves and not bite the hand that feeds them. HUGE HUGS

ksea

Only you can determine when enough is enough. I had to let a "friend" go a few months back, my husband had been telling me to do it for almost a year and I just had to get to that point on my own. Good luck

franie

I have some tales to tell too of similar happenings but the one that takes the cake is with my hubby and his brother. My hubby bought him out debt. Brought him to live with us--got him on welfare etc. Moved him out of the house. Then we moved several hundred miles away and then it started all over again. We built a cabin for him to live in and he pays minimum rent to us and resents it every day. Had my hubby hide money for him from the govt. and get all the freebies he can. He would have hubby handle some of his dealings. Then inadvertently my husband purchased something on line and used his bank card number--no intentional just big mistake. His brother went ballistic. Banging on the doors and demanding his brother get out of bed and how dare him steal from him and he had no money left in his acct. Hubby paid him cash right then and there and transferred the rest and paid the fee--we are talking maybe $200 at the most here. His brother accused him of stealing from him. They have not spoken since and he lives in my back yard. He does pay his rent however. He thinks he is gonna buy this cabin--no paperwork though. It hurt my hubby so much. And hurt me because my hubby tried to help him twice and set him up to live independently not once but twice.

Sadheart

((( HUGS )))
The loss of a friend is hard. But loosing the income, and the investment(carriage & horse) is worse. Follow your gut
feeling. If you think you should go get the carriage. Then you should go get the carriage. Hopefully she didn't use it as collateral on a loan with out your knowledge.
God bless you and your decision.

MadQuilter

OK, what do you get out of the relationship?

I was in a situation where I could be the benefactor and that made me feel good, but at some level (I realized later) that I was expecting to be appreciated for the good things I was doing. It turned out that my "friend" was resentful - but not resentful enough to take not advantage of the hand outs.

Learned a valuable lesson: Friendship needs to be two-sided with give and take on both sides. Someone who does not contribute (and I do not mean a tit-for-tat equality) is not a friend. Contribution can be emotional support, creative support, and a lot of things that we learn to cherish about a true friend.

One of my "friends" moved out of state and now she only calls me when she's drunk. The relationship has become perfunctary and when it is my turn to call, I do so before 5 in the afternoon. That means she has not started to drink and we will be done in less than 10 minutes. She still calls me her friend - I call it something different.

littlehud

Yup. It sounds like it'a time to let her go. She is just using you.