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Thread: When People Ask For Hand Outs and Donations

  1. #1
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    I don't want to sound like a witch here but how do you know people are being honest when they ask for hand outs or donations because they can't afford it, etc? I have always wondered about this when you can't actually see them and their situation. I'm always willing to help someone in need when I can see whats going on with my own eyes but online how can you be sure your not being snookered? I'm not pointing my finger at anybody on here. We also have a local forum in our town and people ask for hand outs on there too. Please don't hit me! I'll cry. :lol:

  2. #2
    Moderator sharon b's Avatar
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    For me I watch and listen and see how long they have been a member. Nothing is fool proof. But if I see a new member always hinting around or asking , I shy away from that. Others have been here awhile and you know more about their background.

    Some ask, ask, ask and never acknowledge that they have received anything publicly , like they don't want you to know how much they have already received.

    Others post as soon as they receive something to say THANK YOU .

    It is a trust thing and you just hope for honesty.

  3. #3
    Super Member redquilter's Avatar
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    I hear you and I've wondered that myself. That said, I do try and help out when I can and if I'm being "snookered", so be it. I think (hope) most people are honest and if they aren't, the guilt is on them. I've done the right thing and can live easily with myself knowing that. I've said before that the thing that bothers me is someone who comes on here the first or second time and starts asking for things and then we never hear from them again. I'm wary of that now. I also don't like it when people never bother to email and say the package arrived. You know who you are! In both these instances, I KNOW I've been "snookered". Once a fool, shame on them. Twice a fool, shame on me!

  4. #4
    Super Member Maggiesmom's Avatar
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    I guess you really don't know. You just have to assume they are. I really don't mind sharing what I have and I guess they have to deal with their own conscience if they are not being honest.

  5. #5
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    I just hope they are being honest.
    Marsye, where did donkey go? I love him.

  6. #6
    Senior Member jamh's Avatar
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    Well for me when I help someone with out knowing there situation, I say a prayer and give it to them in GODs name! So I dont care if I was "used" and I try to never give money if they say what they want or need I try to give that!!

  7. #7
    Power Poster CarrieAnne's Avatar
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    I guess I pretty much believe anyone, maybe I am too trusting...but with the economy the way it is, I know alot are suffering. And when you dont have money, what do you buy first...food or fabric. I just doubt anyonewith alot of money isgoing to ask for fabric.
    LOL, I could be wrong, but I just try to have faith in people, ya know?

  8. #8
    a regular here hazeljane's Avatar
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    I have been approached here recently from someone I had no contact with or connection in any thread that I could find, asking for fabric. It kind of turned me off.

    However, I also responded to an offer for a trade and had a couple of people contact me offering to buy or barter fabric with me, to build their stashes. I have no problem with that. I sent one lady a whole bunch of strips and bits, and she has responded both with photos and emails to me, and on the board. I didn't charge her anything and it was a joy. Another person here I know is going through a tough time and I sent a care package. Again, it's just paying it forward.

    I'm kind of with jamh on this- if I have a bad feeling, I don't participate. If I send stuff, I only worry about my own motives, and let go of the other person's. If I get used occasionally, but help honest people along the way, that's fine with me.

    I used to live near a rough section of Phoenix/Glendale, AZ, with lots of panhandling in the grocery store lot. I got into the habit of buying extra beans, rice, and a couple of boxes of mac and cheese. If you tell me you want to feed your kids, I'll give you food- not money for drugs.

    I only have to worry about my actions. I believe in the long run, the universe settles the score.

  9. #9
    Super Member DebraK's Avatar
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    I don't see how people here are being dishonest. They want something, and they are asking for it. You give or you don't. If there are strings on your gifts, maybe you shouldn't give.

  10. #10
    Power Poster cjomomma's Avatar
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    I love to help others all that I can, I figure if they are being dishonest then that is on them. I had asked for help with sports fabric once and I received so much I had to start turning ppl down cause I didn't want to seem greedy. What ever I had left over I sent to another quilter that was in need of the same thing. That being said I prefer to come across the person and not receive a PM asking for help especially when they are brand new to the QB and know they can't post in the classifieds until they are regular members. I always try to let ppl know where my fabric comes from so that I don't waste my time. I could go on forever but I will stop.

  11. #11
    Super Member Dragonfly Nana's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hazeljane
    I only have to worry about my actions. I believe in the long run, the universe settles the score.
    Well said Hazeljane! :thumbup:

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    Hazeljane ~ I have had the SAME thing happen to me! Twice, two complete strangers PM'd me asking me for stuff. I just thought it was kind of weird ~ I looked them up and I never had responded to anything they had said. I just deleted their PMs to me. Odd.

  13. #13
    Moderator Up North's Avatar
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    I have sent things to people on the board and also have received things. I really appreciate the things I have received When I was working I could share now that I am laid off things are different. When I give I do it from my heart and hope the person getting things can use it or pass it along to someone who can. I give with no strings attached.

  14. #14
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    I like to hear about someone doing good work for others and give that way. The person may not need help, but I find it is appreciated.

  15. #15
    Power Poster cjomomma's Avatar
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    I give new meaning to the phrase ticked pink when I receive fabrics and notions in the mail. I stand out at the mail box and do a happy dance. My kids think I'm crazy. As soon as I am back in the apt I go straight to the cp and send out my thank you's. It doesn't take much to get me excited I guess.

  16. #16
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    I guess maybe I ask to much for fabrics, but being on ssi , i am financially limited. so when i get fabs i appreciate it cuz i get to sew. i show pics constantly to show everyone that i am using their fabrics and i'm quick to say thank you. I've been here a couple years and if i ask for alot, please pm me and tell me. Sometimes I get so excited when sewing with these fabs, I don't think .... So PLEASE tell me if I'm overdoing it. :oops:

  17. #17
    Super Member b.zang's Avatar
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    Could it be sometimes that this is such a huge collection of people that when somebody asks for something - like you did, cjomomma - the response is wa-a-ay bigger than expected. Now, we all like free, unexpected goodies, so maybe the recipient is overwhelmed with the response and turning off that tap is a challenge. Too much of a good thing isn't quite so good.

  18. #18
    Power Poster sueisallaboutquilts's Avatar
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    Hi everybody! Wow, that IS strange to get a PM for fabric from someone you've never had contact with. I wouldn't respond either but I will gladly share what I have with a lot of people on here so that someone else gets to sew. I feel like I know so many of you by now :D My problems is I'm afraid somebody won't like what I send. I know it's silly. I need to get over it! If they can't use it they can always give it to someone else :D
    I love this board and all of YOU :D:D:D:D

  19. #19
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    One time a homeless man was asking for money by my husband's work, so I give him 5.00. I was wanting for my husband to get done with work so I was waiting awhile. And much to my surprise I saw the homeless mn walk away and get into a brand new Catty. Needless to say I needed the money more than him. That's Chicago for ya.

  20. #20
    Senior Member quilting memaw's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by reach for the stars 2
    One time a homeless man was asking for money by my husband's work, so I give him 5.00. I was wanting for my husband to get done with work so I was waiting awhile. And much to my surprise I saw the homeless mn walk away and get into a brand new Catty. Needless to say I needed the money more than him. That's Chicago for ya.
    I got hit like that once. I give food and clothing now. If I see some one hungry, I order something and give it to them. Did that one time at Mc D's. Little old guy, drinking coffee, frail and thin....I bought him breakfast and he SOO loved it....I like helping others out. I have been there when I was hungry and had no clothing or no shelter....SO I thank God for what I have everyday.

  21. #21
    Super Member MistyMarie's Avatar
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    It is hard not to let one or two bad experiences burn you.

    A few years ago I belonged to an MSN quilt group and one of the members asked if I could help her out learning how to quilt. I agreed. She actually got upset with me that I wasn't sending her enough (after I cut all the pieces for her and sent her the instructions on how to piece a simple quilt for her son) but since it was going up to Canada, I said I wasn't going to pay for shipping for the batting and that she would have to go buy some. Anyway, about a month later, she e-mailed me asking for $100 to help them get school supplies for their kids to go to school. I told her I couldn't send her the money (and at the time, I really couldn't!). She got angry and said she knew I could afford to, I just was being selfish. I was appalled. Needless to say, I didn't send her the money and ended up having to block her from my e-mail. The moderator of the MSN group removed her from membership as well because she was soliciting other members for money and fabric.

    On the flip side, I have sent out fabric and supplies when I KNOW it will find a grateful recipient who genuinely wants and needs the fabric. I totally believe that when we bless others, we are blessed ourselves.

  22. #22
    a regular here hazeljane's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bevanger
    I guess maybe I ask to much for fabrics, but being on ssi , i am financially limited. so when i get fabs i appreciate it cuz i get to sew. i show pics constantly to show everyone that i am using their fabrics and i'm quick to say thank you. I've been here a couple years and if i ask for alot, please pm me and tell me. Sometimes I get so excited when sewing with these fabs, I don't think .... So PLEASE tell me if I'm overdoing it. :oops:
    Bev-

    I don't think putting out a broadcast that you could use something in particular is the same thing at all. You are a regular, and we can all see that you use it. If you put it out in the forums, you give people a choice, in my opinion. If I read your post and have what you need, I can choose to send it, and if I don't have it, maybe someone else will.

    It's different if you are pm'ing specific people you don't know and asking them for something. I don't think this thread is at all aimed at folks like you. For me, sending stuff feels so good. I have too much and it's only pleasure for me to share pieces I know will go to good use.

    This is a huge group, from all different circumstances. ( It was not that long ago that my circumstances financially were on the scary side.) One of the things I love here is the willingness to sponsor, mentor, help out, pass along. I don't want to see that go away, or to see people self-conscious. So please don't worry about that.

  23. #23
    Junior Member Ladymurphy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marsye
    I don't want to sound like a witch here but how do you know people are being honest when they ask for hand outs or donations because they can't afford it, etc? I have always wondered about this when you can't actually see them and their situation. I'm always willing to help someone in need when I can see whats going on with my own eyes but online how can you be sure your not being snookered? I'm not pointing my finger at anybody on here. We also have a local forum in our town and people ask for hand outs on there too. Please don't hit me! I'll cry. :lol:
    I have wondered the exact same thing but didn't know how to put it in words or who to direct it to.

  24. #24
    Power Poster cjomomma's Avatar
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    Bev I agree it's not about ppl like you or penny (I know a few others but names slip my mind) who really need help and use what you get and are so appreciative of what you get. By all means don't be afraid to ask for help. I am always willing to share what I got. I might have to ask for help with shipping but I like to share. It is those strangers begging with PMs that I think is getting to everyone. Ppl just trying to take advantage of our kindness.

  25. #25
    Power Poster sueisallaboutquilts's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MistyMarie
    It is hard not to let one or two bad experiences burn you.

    A few years ago I belonged to an MSN quilt group and one of the members asked if I could help her out learning how to quilt. I agreed. She actually got upset with me that I wasn't sending her enough (after I cut all the pieces for her and sent her the instructions on how to piece a simple quilt for her son) but since it was going up to Canada, I said I wasn't going to pay for shipping for the batting and that she would have to go buy some. Anyway, about a month later, she e-mailed me asking for $100 to help them get school supplies for their kids to go to school. I told her I couldn't send her the money (and at the time, I really couldn't!). She got angry and said she knew I could afford to, I just was being selfish. I was appalled. Needless to say, I didn't send her the money and ended up having to block her from my e-mail. The moderator of the MSN group removed her from membership as well because she was soliciting other members for money and fabric.

    On the flip side, I have sent out fabric and supplies when I KNOW it will find a grateful recipient who genuinely wants and needs the fabric. I totally believe that when we bless others, we are blessed ourselves.
    You've got to be kidding!!!!!!!!!! Wow, that's brazen!!!

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