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Thread: Why Women Are Crabby...

  1. #1
    Super Member sewjoyce's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Why Women Are Crabby

    We started to 'bud' in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that
    anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so
    bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training
    bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.

    Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.

    Our next little rite of passage was having sex for the first time which
    was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart
    before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.

    Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers
    and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.

    Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a whole watermelon and we
    pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain, all the way to the ER.

    Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, 'Please stop
    screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. 'Just one more good push' (more like 10), warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the %$#*@*#!* hubby and doctor square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 pound bowling ball through a keyhole.

    After that, it was time to raise those angels, only to find that when all
    that 'cute' wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking,
    jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.

    Then come their 'Teen Years.' Need I say more?

    When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.

    So we progress into the grand finale: 'The Menopause,' the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now
    seasoned 'buds' or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.

    Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get off so easy, INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in thewoods without soaking their socks...

    So, while I love being a woman, 'Womanhood' would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. You think women are the 'weaker sex?' Yeah right. Bite me.

    :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll:

  2. #2
    Super Member Chele's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Belle Isle, Florida

  3. #3
    Super Member Baren*eh*ked_canadian's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Oh, I like this one, have to forward it to my mum!

  4. #4
    Power Poster Ninnie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Athens Ga

  5. #5
    Power Poster SulaBug's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Somewhere in SANTA Land.
    Blog Entries
    This is GREAT!! :D Thank you for sharing.
    :D :D :D :D

  6. #6
    Super Member kwhite's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    North East USA
    I don't get it!!!! But then again I might just be CRABBY!!!!! LOL

  7. #7
    Moderator littlehud's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    SW Iowa
    Love it. I'm sending it to my sister.

  8. #8
    pal is offline
    Super Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Long Island, N.Y.
    This kinda says it all - except for the cooking for the rest of our lives -

    day after day, month after month, year after year........

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