Love your post...I can sure relate...and I would love to have you close enough to have you for a friend any day of the week!

That is me...I am alone during the day...and when hubby comes home he watches tv, etc(he is naturally quiet anyway)....when I do get with people I tend to talk, talk, talk. I was thinking about going to a local quilting get together that is held a couple of times a month...after reading this thread though, I think I will just stay home. My birds and squirrels don't mind my chatter!

Sometimes.. we all need a friend and sometimes we are all nervous around a circle of close knitted friends who have met for a while (Guild style).
The first guild and last guild meeting I ever went to ; the woman who sat next to me was so loud, arrogant and done it all type of person. I sat and listened while I was doing the block for the evening -found out some interesting things; to this day that woman and I are good friends who phone or email each other. The other women singled her out after the meeting and told her to zip it or not come back. WOW !! So we exchanged numbers and became very steadfast friends. Her family is related to the original Molly Brown and the stories were just wonderful to listen to.
So one never knows who they will meet in life and become friends with ..

I'm glad someone said this because I was surely thinking it! As a matter of fact, I am shocked that so many quilters are endorsing the idea of what I call "exclusivity." Just where is the Golden Rule to be practiced? I hope you are not this "exclusive" in your churches and synagogs! frogyintexas[

QUOTE=Steady Stiching;6294468]"The group could fold if this continues" I'm sorry but your group sounds extremely judgmental and not the type of group I would want to be a part of. The intolerance is pretty astounding after just one very nervous first meeting for your new "friend" I'm surprised ya didn't all stone her while you were busy talking behind her back.[/QUOTE]

May be meet at someone's home for a couple of meetings.....................

While I understand you are a "small group" rather than a guild, all I can think of is the many threads there have been about guilds that are unfriendly or unwelcoming. Not sure how your group is any different?

Unless this woman doesn't get social cues (there are many with disabilities who don't), my guess is that she won't be back, or at least not more than once or twice. I sure wouldn't return, and am grateful that the guild I belong to is more welcoming.

Groups that are exclusive are sure to dwindle - whether through illness, busy-ness, loss of interest or passing of members. Without new folks joining, there's only one inevitable outcome.

When in a new group, I chat a LOT! It's nervousness and wanting to find a way to relate to the others in the group. For the past two years, I've joined a quilting group at my church. That's one place everyone should be accepted, right? One lady came once and shared all the quilts she'd finished. She never returned. Two other church ladies were in the group before I started there. They now go to the local guild meetings instead. The leader of the church group openly told me, "I had to run that one off. She tried to take over my group." A picture was taken of the group for the church newsletter this past spring. I wasn't included, although I was at the church when they took the picture. Needless to say, I'm not going this year. And the "lady" that is the leader is a retired minister's wife...and now wants me to show her a technique she saw me using last year. Yes, I'll show her, because it's the right thing to do. I will not attend any meetings. Please, whatever you do, do not be mean to this lady. What goes around, comes around. You may not like her attitude, but she'll learn or leave on her own. Allow her the grace to do that.

Ok Ladies: you said her DH died and with only grown Children(not at home) She is what is called Empty Nest 100%--She may talk like that for a year and then start crying and realize she has replaced her Husband with herself. This is a self protection syndrome and she will possibly grow out of it with friends around. Its possible her Children working and grands going to school do not have time for her and she feels all left alone. Dear Ladies-------Please just give her TIME.

I thought it extreme that "the group could fold if this keeps up" -- If you have a private group then keep it that way and don't allow people to drop in. If you are an open group, and a newbie talks a lot, try to find some common ground. If she has been everywhere and done everything you may be able to relate somehow.

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Meow! You have obviously never been exposed to a "talker". Please don't judge the guild until you've been exposed.

Hmmm...you have me thinking about how much I talk and how it might be perceived.

I urge you to give her another chance. I think if it becomes a situation where none of you can tolerate to be around her you need to have a conversation with the ladies of your group that you meet with and decide if you want to continue meeting somewhere else - and make it a CLOSED group. Meeting in a home or some where more private where you have control over who joins might be a good idea so you can keep the group what you want it to be.

That being said, being a hyper chatty Cathy myself, I might be heart broken if someone came to me and told me that I talk too much for their group and I need to cut it out or leave. That's just me! Sometimes I can be one sided but it's truly unintentional. More often than not I'm just excited or happy to be there! I am on average 30 years younger than most of the ladies in my group too - and it's obvious I turn some members off. But isn't that part of life? Personality clashes are inevitable in a public group setting...and the ladies who enjoy my chattiness have become my best pals. That doesn't mean there aren't some who avoid me like the plague or that there aren't those that I avoid too!

You never know, the issue could resolve itself also. She may have felt the vibe of the group and may decide not to come anymore. I hope that you'll give it some time and try to be understanding as much as you can.

People that have been there and done that usually have or they wouldn't be talking about it. Listen and learn something about the person. You may be surprised.

If I were new in a town, without a husband after many years, looking for friendship, and I got past my shyness enough to introduce myself to a group of people with a like interest, and ask to join and share the common interest, and I was told I could join and then got treated poorly, I would be very hurt. Maybe if you don't want to make new friends you should not meet someplace where the opportunity to do so arises.

I do hope you are kind to her, and give her a chance, as Oma and BellaBoo said. Maybe she will become a new friend. Maybe she will come to a few meetings, decide you are boring, or worse, and I hope she treats you well on her way out. LOL

What ever happened to letting a little fresh air in? That's when life happens.

I think Oma66's answer was far more compassionate. You can't buttonhole people into a "type" based on one encounter.

I'm a chatty one, as well. One of the first answers here on the board intrigued me. Bella Boo talked about Auntie Mame and how the woman HAD been everywhere and DONE everything and most of the time, what she knew was right.
I've traveled the world because that was my job. I've seen many things that perhaps others haven't. I know a lot because I am a life long student of information I find interesting. And, it's my natural bent to share with others because I like people. I'm not trying to lord info over them. I want to share so that they can enjoy and benefit from what I know. And....I can see where others might find that threatening or mis-interpret what I'm saying as lording it over them, especially if their world view is smaller than mine. I also am human and get nervous...and I've found I needed to reign it in so I do. But, I'm largely (now) an extroverted introvert...a loner. I like my own company and only share with those who seem to want what I have. It's as hard for me to keep a body cast on, as it must be for those around me to open up and listen. Have a heart. This woman, once she gets over her nerves may know things that make your lives more interesting. And, if she really is a twit, think of all you can learn in terms of patience, humility and love by working with her and welcoming her. It really is true that all of life is lessons, lessons, lessons.

I agree that everyone needs a second chance - if only to see if the new medication is kicking in!!! just kidding !!!

Okay, I have to say this . . . even if someone jumps onto me, for saying it. :eek:

In defense of non-chatterers -
It's true many chatterers know a lot and just love to share. However, many non-chatterers also know a lot and are also very intelligent. Sometimes non-chatterers just get TIRED of others trying to explain/instruct/advise/educate them. Sometimes they get TIRED of others assuming they don't know anything, just because they don't constantly flaunt their knowledge. Sometimes they just get TIRED of having to politely nod and smile, while craving a bit of peace and quiet.
Very often, a chatterer's "sharing" comes across as bragging, whether or not he/she realizes it. Sharing is nice but should be an exchange, not a bombardment of me-ism.

Yes, non-chatterers need to be tolerant of chatterers. However, chatterers need to be tolerant of non-chatterers, as well.

Okay, I'll now climb off of the soapbox and go hide in a corner, for a few minutes. :D

I remember when our Chatty Cathy was talking up a storm at a workshop. She was at a table behind me. I said ____, are you talking to yourself or do you want comments? I said it in a fun way and she laughed and said Oh, I'm running off at the mouth again, I'll be quiet for awhile. You have to speak up and say what's frustrating you but remember the other's feelings too.

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I agree FroggyinTexas, judge not lest ye be judged. One meeting is not enough to know the heart and soul of the lady. And if her non stop chatter is enough to break up the group you were not much of a group. If no one has backbone enough to take her aside and tell her she needs to tone it down then personally I would not want to be part of your judgemental group who seems to think your better than anyone new who you don't give a chance to.
Seems to be the way people are today, hense the "you dissed me attitude" and people need to grow up and act like adults not childern throwing temper tantrums because they don't like how some one treated them.

Nessie, you are totally right, tollerence of differences in people seems to be gone these day with many people, and strength of character to speak up if necessary to person also seems to be gone. Political correctness is wrong in so many ways what ever the forum. Honesty was far better.

Love that response! It's perfect.

Very interesting! Carol34446 - you go girl!! Steady Stitching, margee, Barb in Lousiana, Betty62, Lizzies home, FroggyinTexas, CAS49OR, Nessie - thank you for speaking up. I do not belong to a guild due to the this openion that I have to fit There mold or just get out, there colors, there designs, there area of town, there line of work...the intolerance is intolerable! Isn't the spice of life what makes it more enjoyable?

She may be trying the group on for size and she may decide that you are not her cup of tea either. I'd give it some time. If she is a drama queen, then not getting the response she needs will make her not come. If she is just suffering from newbee jitters, she may well adapt to the cameraderie in the group and fit in. You just never know. I met my BGF that way. Told DH that I will either have to kill this crazy woman or befriend her and as I didn't want to go to jail.....30 years later we are still friends and she is still crazy. lol

"Chatty Cathy" might be feeling like she needs to talk about herself so someone in your group will feel they have something in common with her and want to be her friend. I can't help but think to myself, how would I feel if I were in her place? If I were talking so much others wanted me to leave the group, I would wish someone would at least let me know what I was doing to offend the others. I would hope someone in the group saw something worthwhile in me to look past my faults, (...we all have faults). I would be devastated if the group started meeting at another location in which I had not been invited!!! You could start the group time in a new way more structured, plan to go around the room giving everyone a chance to say something about...something like the most memorable discussions they can remember in the group, and during that time mention how much you like it when the group is mellow.

I dropped out of Brownies in second grade because I couldn't understand why girls were so mean to each other. I haven't changed my opinion much.

Seriously, I've been thinking of joining a quilt guild. It also has several small groups that meet at member's houses. I am an introvert & it takes some "courage" for me to join things & try to make new friends. I found this post so disheartening...

This IS my mother. She never pauses. OTOH, my dad is practically deaf and she doesn't have anybody to talk to. Unless her comments were inappropriate, I would try it again

By the title I thought this was about the real "Chatty Cathy" doll. lol I still have mine!! Sorry about the chatty lady at the meeting. Maybe she will wise up and be a little less talkative..but there are some people that just are that way. It can be difficult to sit by them.

I love this! If one person in the group is truly wonderful at getting the point across but in a really nice way, then go for it after a couple of more visits. Humor is also a great way to deal with the problem. Now, how do you deal with folks who take cell phone calls and don't leave the room? Especially during classes?

If it's something you want to do, you shouldn't let others discourage you. If you can, contact one of the members first and introduce yourself. If there are several groups, chances are you'll fit perfectly into one of them. :)

I don't think anyone means to be mean, here. It's just that different people have different comfort levels, when relating to others. I don't dislike chatty people but non-stop chatterers eventually make me very tired. It's a sort of sensory overload. :rolleyes:

I think there is a difference between contributing (talkative) and dominating a conversation. When one person hogs the conversation and is constantly talking about themselves and their interests at the expense of other people in the group who would also like to comment, I think it is rude behavior. I've been a mother of three little stair-step boys and I understand how one longs for adult conversation. But the word conversation means everyone who wants to join gets to. If you know you're chatty, try asking leading questions to your friends to include them. Your might learn something interesting about them. We all love to talk about ourselves or to help others, so ask for help with a quilting problem or about a recipe, anything to get others to talk too. Please be thoughtful of all the people in the group and don't dominate. JM2C.

Its called "having social graces" not dominating a conversation and being tolerant of those who do. My guess is there is something lacking in her world and she is searching to fill the void. She may get better with time, or if she has deeper issues, it may get worse. I feel your pain, as it is very frustrating. When I encounter someone like that, I give it time. If I can find an a good quality in that person, I usually can look past the talking, if that person is turned "inward" and it is all about them, then I tend to avoid them. Good luck and may you find grace when dealing with the situation.

I was part of a sewing group that had a woman who always talked about herself. According to her, her life was perfect and, of course, she was sure that we were all fascinated by it. She so monopolized the conversation with her talk about herself and what she had done that eventually everyone quit coming and the group disbanded. Besides being annoying, she ridiculed people behind their backs.

I would give this person another chance, but not too many. Sure, she's insecure. Sure, she's nervous. But she's not the only member who has needs and it's not fair to the other members of the group to allow her to cause problems. I kind of like the music idea . . .

I would give her more time and I would just like to put in a quote "Be kinder than necessary for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

Wow! Is this a timely conversation. I just returned from a monthly quilt guild meeting. I don't go all the time because of work and other constraints, but the guild is large and usually has some very good speakers. Tonight, I sat down and the lady closest to me made friendly chatter. We conversed back and forth. Then she spotted a friend and invited her over to sit between us. Not a problem, until the program started and these two talked non-stop thru the entire meeting. I was struggling to hear the persons on stage, and I got more and more irritated. It was all I could do not to tell the them "would you two give it a rest". Their behavior was so inconsiderate. As I did not want to make a scene, embarrassing myself and them, at break I just got up and left, missing the speaker for the evening. Right now, I don't feel like ever going back to that guild.

I guess I must have a really rude streak, 'cause I'd have said something. :o

I'd have said something and if they didn't be quiet, I'd have got up and moved. No need to let others ruin your time.

Please do not lose hope. There are good groups and there are bad groups. Don't give up if you encounter a bad group first!

I have not joined the quilt guild in my area. I've heard too many comments from other quilters about the guild's temperament and makeup, and I could tell that it was a guild I would not enjoy.
However, I do belong to a non-guild quilting group. We meet once a month in a member's home and rotate turns. We have all-day Sew Days a couple of times a year, utilizing our local utility's community room or the community room at the library. We go on 4-day retreats a couple of times a year. We do not have dues or officers, there is no one person in charge, and while we participate in lots of charity projects, no one is forced to participate; it's all voluntary. We have a wide range of personalities and talents, everyone gets along, everyone encourages, inspires, and teaches each other, we know and love each other so much that there is plenty of good-natured ribbing and lots of laughter at every meeting. I bless the day I was invited into the group.

Peckish I have exactly the same group. They are meeting at my house this Saturday.

I host another group a couple times a year but a couple of the people can't play nice and have to be seated apart. It's like jr high. You know the "hands only" versus the "embroidery only" quilting fight. Since I do neither I have no dog in the fight.

Why didn't you tell them to give it a rest? If you aren't going to speak up then you made yourself miserable not them.

It just breaks my heart that you would take just these few opinions and let it stop you from trying to be a part of some possibly wonderful quilting groups that may bring you new personal friends and learning opportunities. I just wonder if you have already had some bad experiences.

Get that courage up and visit some new groups. If you don't like the people, don't go back. If you do like them, get to know them. Perhaps there is one person in the new group that has been waiting for a soul mate to come along and have fun sewing/quilting with them. Introverts usually fit in better, because they don't try to steal the limelight from everyone else. When I meet new people, I take the time to listen and learn about them. There are so many fascinating people out there. I will say, that I can't hang very long with people that are "high maintenance" folks, although it has taught me patience which everyone could use a good dose of.

Happy Quilting everyone!