Don't Know What To Do
 

I started a Marine-corp themed quilt for my brother who left for Marine Corp boot camp a couple months ago. He just received a medical discharge and he is devastated.

I don't know whether to give him the quilt or have it "dissapear". It was going to be a surprise for his graduation.

I would tell him my dilema and let him decide if he wants to have the quilt or not.

I would make it disappear. It would be a constant reminder of a dream that didn't happen.

I would personally wait to give it/mention it. I would let him recover from his loss and settle in before I reminded him of what could have been. The military is a pride thing. Maybe for Christmas, you know your brother better then anyone so you'll know the right time.

The same thing happened to my brother in the Navy. I would not give it to him if it is Marine Corp themed. Maybe you can rework it enough to change the theme if it isn't already quilted.

I would have a chat with him he probably needs comfort at this time. He may want the quilt for a memory, using what ever he has at home of uniform badges etc. or turn it into a wall hanging.

I agree. I think I'd make him one with a totally different theme.

I'd finish it and pass it on to Quilts of Valor.

But first... I'd ask your brother how he feels about it all.

I agree with the "don't mention", and "pass on to Quilts of Valor." Smart people on this board!!

I'd donate it to someone else. If he's devastated, then it would be a constant reminder of what he isn't, wasn't and never will be. No one wants/needs to be reminded of what they didn't become.

I tend to agree with Hill Country. I think this is what I would do.

Finish it and donate.

This happened to my nephew as well. To the point he was going to hurt himself. It's crazy!

I guess I feel a bit differently. I would wait and discuss it with him. I base it on my experience when I lost a full-term baby. Well meaning people went to the house and all of the baby stuff "disappeared". I have always felt like that is something I needed to do and the decision was made for me without my input. I guess I would have liked to be asked. You don't know what a person needs in their heart to work through a trial. Just MHO for what it is worth. You could do what Hill Country said and donate to QOV if he doesn't want it and make him another. Good luck to both of you.

I wouldn't mention it to him now. It's an emotional time for him. But I wouldn't get rid of it either. I would wait for a while (might be 3 months, might be a year) when he's not so close to the painful time and able to put the disappointment in perspective. Right now, it's the end of a dream but the pain will fade as it always does. That's the time to ask him if it's something he would want you to finish for him or if it would just remind him of an dream that wasn't achieved.

it was a medical discharge. he didn't do anything wrong. but ask him and go from there.

Finish it and talk with him. Obviously this is a rough time for him, and it may be too soon. And if he doesn't like it maybe he knows someone who would!

My sincere condolences to your brother. Since this is a difficult time for him, I might wait for a bit, then ask him if he would like it or not, perhaps he might suggest someone who might want it. With the world such a crazy place right now, I commend him on his wish to serve his country - we need more young men and women to do so. I wish him well.

That is a difficult situation. I have found that sometimes when they get out after completing their service they do not want a reminder of it. It has to be your call. Good luck

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Yes, that's what I was thinking too. You know your brother best, so you can decide if asking him is a good idea. It would be a shame to give it away if he would love it.

Since your brother was in the Marine Corps such a short time (two months), would it be better to make him a different quilt as a "just because" gift? And do something else with the Marine Corps quilt? Quilts of Valor is a great option.

I tend to agree with HillCountryGal. Hopefully he will find a new interest and can move on quickly.

The Marine"s have a saying "Once a Marine always a Marine" Please give this Quilt to him.

Oh yeah, make it disappear!!

My thoughts!

The saying is for those who graduate. They must pass the Crucible before they are called Marines.

Great idea.

Finish it and see if Quilts of Valor or another service org would like it. This would hurt too much for him to be reminded of what he was deprived of...and some other person who was a Marine may have no one to make them a quilt and be tickled silly.
Start another quilt for your brother.

Wait awhile, when you think he is able to discuss it with you, ask if he would like it for himself or one of his boot camp friends. If he does not want it for himself or a Marine friend, ask about Quilts of Valor as a gift from you and him together. If he likes this idea, be sure to put his name on the label with your and find a Marine or Marine veteran to present it to. Also remind him, once a Marine always a Marine.

If he had no clue about it I wouldn't bring it up. Maybe do something else for him a different design. Depending on how far you are with the quilt, you could always donate it to the wounded warriors or the local marine armory as a wall hanging.

I was going to suggest Quilts of Valor if the brother really doesn't want it around.

I agree with those who have said that you should not give it to your brother, and if he doesn't know about it, all the better. Someone will treasure that quilt, and for him, it could only be a painful reminder. See what he has in mind to do next, and maybe you can make a quilt that's appropriate, or how about asking if he has a bunch of old t-shirts that he's kept for sentimental reasons and making him a t-shirt quilt that will help to remind him that he has had other interests and strengths and connections in life aside from this one goal that has been taken from him.

My son got a medical discarge during Boot Camp. It does not stop him form beith a Marine. He is one of their best supporters. I finished his Quilt and he still loves and is proud of it.
Take the time to find out how he feels about the service. Not everyone can serve in the military but everyone can serve the country and the men who keep us FREE.
I am proud of him for signing up.

I agree. You should honor him as a marine. I think he is a big boy and this is part of his life. There is no need to pretend this didn't happen.

Thank-you everyone for the input. I will likely stash it away for a few months and then talk to him about it. If he doesn't want it, I'll let him pick out any pattern/fabric he wants for a new quilt. I really appreciate the time everyone took to give this thought and to reply. I'm very sad for him and praying it all works out somehow. Your support is so much appreciated!

IMHO, I would finish the quilt and give it to him regardless of the circumstance. You still love him and this could show him how much he is thought of no matter what.
peace

After a conversation about this quilt him, another quilt will just be a replacement quilt holding the same pain.

I would not talk to him about it, just make give and have peace with what happened. Jarenie @ post 33 has a good grasp on this situation.

He is a marine and should be supported as such.
peace

I think you will know whether he wants the quilt after you have spent some time with him. Just observe. Does he talk proudly about being at Boot Camp? Does he have other Marine "Symbols" in full view? You need to find out how he feels about what just happened, and that will take some time, and some brother-sister bonding. After a while, you will just "know" whether or not to give him the quilt. He'll put out all the signals you'll need. If the Marines are the last thing he wants to talk about, and he's trashed or hidden all reminders of Boot Camp, etc. finish the quilt and give it to "Quilts of Valor". Then make him another quilt about his new dreams, or all the things that make him uniquely him.