Good to know other families get gifts like this
 

I feel for your son, when my MIL was living she could come up with some doozies! We always laughed it off, it part of who she was and we miss her and loved her very much.
Regarding the not my style quilts~ she made my daughters a couple but they were from someone we loved and she always said "every stitch was a stitch of love". You can always find a use for them, let the dog or cat use them to sleep on, take to the beach or use in the back yard to have a picnic w/kids or gkids. Remembering how they were once made from scraps of feed bags and worn out clothes makes for good memories.

my ugly quilt story. i use to make and sell clothing for years and i had an extensive fabric collection with some very expensive fabrics. one of my former husband's cousins quilted and asked if she could have some of my fabric scraps to make us a quilt. i dug through my stuff and gave her some fabrics of clothes i had made for my family to make a true memory quilt. well when we got the quilt back, i did everything in my power not to let my inner feelings show on my face. the quilt was....... ok it was horrendous.

it was suppose to be a crazy quilt pattern of some sort but she added some really funky fabrics such as polyesters, old cut up clothing and a red poly backing so loud & bright that it could light the sky up at night. there was this blue poly mix fabric she used as filler fabric and i could see clear through the quilt to that red backing so i am not sure what was used for batting. the stitching was horrible, the seams were uh horrible, the quilt was crooked and didnt lay flat and there were my pretty pretty fabrics all caught up in this twisted mess.

well i accepted the quilt and said thank you very much we never used it. it went in a box and in my basement. of course my former husband was happily gifted this quilt from me during our divorce proceedings.:D

the quilts i had first starting making for my family from the fabrics that remained from my sewing days (to give them a piece of myself) i just made up and brought them to our annual christmas holiday celebration and let everyone pick what they wanted. this is when i first started quilting. i have since started asking color preferences especially for my teen-20 something nieces and nephews, plus college bound friends children what they like colorwise because i want them to enjoy and hopefully use the gift i am giving them. as the gifters i can see where we would want our gifts of love to be just that, loved by the recepients but it will not always happen. the colors could be wrong or the pattern wrong.

my mother was in the process of crocheting afghans for her five children. i got mine first, not in colors i would have chosen but colors my mother chose for me. she only finished mine and had completed the blocks for the second afghan. i told my siblings that i would make them afghans from my mothers threads and complete the one she started but didnt finish. they are not able to chose colors or patterns because i am not as prolific and skilled at crocheting as mother was and can only do what my skill level will allow and only from the yarns that remain of her stash. i love the afghan my mother made me whether the colors are my choice or not and will never get rid of it.

This has been such an interesting thread! It brings to mind that old expression, "I laughed.... I cried.....!"

I often give handmade gifts (quilted, crocheted, knitted) but have never given anyone a full-sized quilt. Mostly because I don't think my younger family members would be interested (in fact, I know they wouldn't), and my older family members are trying to clean out and get rid of "stuff" so I don't want to stress them out by giving some large item they might not want (and might have to figure out what to do with).

I like to give really practical gifts - this year, it was handknitted cowls for the younger folks, and quilted tissue holders for the oldies.

If anyone gave me a handmade gift, I'd be thrilled...but I don't really know anyone who can match my level of crafty-ness, so that's probably not going to happen!

When I want to give a quilt, I give to a charity like Quilts for Kids. It satisfies my need for giving, and it goes to a good home. That makes me happy.

I don't believe in the white lie in order to maintain peace, but I do think you can find other things to appreciate, as you so well pointed out.

My kids just asked me "MOM, how do we write a thank you for something I am not ever going to use nor don't need (to granny and papa)?" I said, well, you can say how much you appreciate their thoughtfulness, etc! You don't actually have to say "I love your gift and will use it daily!".

That saying, I think that I could say gratefully to someone "Thanks for the quilt" and mean it. If it were truly ugly, I'd find a new home for it, simply because I have so many of my own that I really don't need one hanging around that I don't like. But I believe I could be sincerely touched by someone giving something--even if it were awfully ugly.

Here's another side of the coin- has anyone ever made a quilt (probably a lap size) in a color or pattern in order to show someone what you think they SHOULD like, because you think they usually have such horrible taste? Or because they asked for a quilt and you really didn't want to make them one - like a MIL or other in law you don't like- so you made one that is was all bright, gay colors when you know they usually only wear soft, subdued tones? A gift that you could say "I made you a handmade gift" but it was also sort of "in your face!". The equivalent of buying a size 6 SIL a bright purple size 12 sweatshirt and telling her "This just seemed so you!"

I have to admit that when I was younger I bought my SIL several lovely gifts , not handmade, but ones that I knew she wouldn't appreciate. I think one was a silver serving piece and her dinner ware was thick pottery. I also bought her a non-fiction best seller and I doubt if she had read a book in her life. Our gifts to each other were like weapons not gifts. Fortunately we grew out of that, but I'm sure I'm not the only one who has done something like that. I just never did it with anything handmade.

Even if I absolutely hated the fabric and/or pattern I'd still love it. I'm just the type of person that when anyone gives me something handmade it means they've taken the time to think of me and that's what it's all about. Knowing you walked across someone's mind is a wonderful thing.

I have a quilt shop and when people come in to buy fabric to make a quilt for a gift (and usually they want to make something huge ), I encourage them to find out the colors the people would like and also scale down the size---lap size or throw. Don't make something in the wedding colors, that is probably not the colours they will use in their home. And make it because you want to and not have to. Personally, I make table runners and if they are not the right thing, it is not a huge investment in time and money.

Honestly....I've never seen an ugly quilt!

Amen! There's also down right trite!

Cheers to all of you who say that the "gift" no matter what, is the "thought" that, that person cared enough to present a gift to you. As a designer I must tell you that quilts DO NOT HAVE TO MATCH ANYTHING, as they are really in the realm of art. Many of us get so caught up in the matchy matchy that we feel it is a mistake if it doesn't match, or co-ordinate. I once had a client who was a master quilter, when we designed her home each of the bedrooms was its own unique room because of her beautiful quilts. They were all hand done and I have never seen any quilts as beautiful even at shows, and NO none of them matched the overall color scheme. I hope this comment will liberate some of you from self imposed rules to match everything. For those of us who have given gifts that never show up again in the household take heart most of us have experienced this at one time or another. When that happens to me I make a mental note not to err in that realm again. Can you imagine giving a gift of 4 waterford crystal vases with porcelain flowers (a limited edition of which each sold for $115 to $ 130) and getting a lukewarm thanks and then NEVER seeing those items again? It happened to me, but as I tell my husband, once you give a gift, it is no longer yours and the recipient has the ultimate decision over what and how, etc they will handle that gift. Have a happy New Year!! :)

Unless something was hideous---------------and I mean beyond redemption------------I'd use it somewhere in the home. I do have two seldom used bedrooms upstairs!

While quilts may be considered in the realm of art, some of those quilts are more nearly in the "paint by numbers" category than "original oil" category.

my mother doesn't like the quilt i made her. She tells me its too heavy. She has it in a plastic tub last time i saw it. and my dil put the quilt I made her in the bottom of the dogs cage. So how blunt could she be telling me she didnt' like it. Did it hurt my feelings? Well yes and ya know I just won't make them another one.

I would love it because I've only gotten one wall hanging in my life and it was from someone on this board. And I treasure it with all my heart and will never forget what she did for me. Plus I gained a really good friend. I'm the one that always seems to be giving. I love giving, but I could not hide one or not apprediate it if someone gave me one. No matter what color etc., it would keep me warm in the winter and keep me warm in my heart. I would display it proudly that someone thought enough of me to give me something that they worked hard on and it was a gift from their heart. Maybe some people have too many things to be able to appreciate that. Just saying.

Whether it is the right colors or not, whether it is the right design or not; the whole point is they were thinking of you when they made it or not. But it was therapeutic for them to make it. Accept it with the grace it was given to you and then find a charity away from that person to give it to and write it off on your taxes if you want. But really, make them feel good, they may need it. Then proclaim how I do not have enough room for any more quilts if they decide to give you another down the road, but oh well.

Use the top your Mom made as the bottom of a quilt - reversable and useful. When you use it, the back will be closer to you, so you can think of your Mom's warm embrace when you use it.

Yes, I agree. I have done that. I surprised a friend with a table runner that I had made, everyone who saw it raved about how beautiful it was. It was the prettiest one I had made at the time. The receiver was polite & also said it was beautiful, but the way she looked at it I knew she was thinking the same thing you were saying "but this doesn't fit in my decor...", although she also said "earth colors are my colors..." I realized it, so I helped her out by telling her that she can use it in any room that she wishes, to cover a dresser or whatever; and that it doesn't have to be in the dining room or living room. She called me later & told me that it's on top of her dresser, and it looks beautiful there (I don't know whether or not it really was or how long it's going to be there). You'd have to trust them with it.
I have made one for a niece, but I had her go with me to choose the fabrics herself. I also make the tissue covers for gifts. I just have them choose from the ones that I already made. It's very disappointing that the work you put into something is not appreciated.

That is called tact, quiltsRfun, I agree with you. I don't know what it hurts to keep and love something someone made or gave you, maybe we shouldn't be so picky. Maybe we could learn to love different colors, etc. If anyone ever gave me a quilt I would be thrilled to death. Maybe I say this because we never had much growing up and for someone to gift us something like that means a whole bunch to me.

Thanks for all the posts in this thread, I am waiting to hear if my niece likes her quilt I posted to her. If she doesn't, I want it back :) I liked it. Her mother is not allowed to have it, she gave the last quilt to the dog to sleep on, then buried the dog in it!

My friend had a grape arbor that produced a bumper crop of concords one summer. He and I made grape jam. It was so delicious and everyone was fighting over the last few jars. The next winter I made him a nap quilt with those colors in a pattern I made up and named Grape Arbor. He passed away recently and I didn't see the quilt around the house. It wouldn't surprise me if his wife tucked that quilt at his feet.

Unappreciated gift quilts
 

I've experienced the pain of giving a quilt and finding out that it was just not their style. I personally don't like "politically-correct" responses because I can often sense an underlying disappointment, and the lack of honesty can sting just as much as if they had been more truthful. I'm thinking of creative ways of finding out ahead of time what the recipient might like, and I might even give a "coupon" with a selection of patterns and colors.

If I were the recipient, however, I'm not sure how I would respond because I realize that others don't really appreciate blatant honesty. I guess there's somewhat of a double standard here.

I'm new here, and haven't posted before, but thought I would just jump in....

Maybe you could finish it and put it away with love, knowing she made it for you. If it isn't your taste you can still get it out some time and see the hard word she did for you.

And you name is "URGODSCHILD2"? Accept the gift as it was given in love and kindness. How nasty to tell someone that you do not like or want the gift due to wrong color, style size. This includes quilts, clothes and any other gift. You could always give the gift to a needy person who would not care if the quilt was not their colors. Then you could explain to you friend(?) why you no longer have the quilt and make you self look very uppity and probably hurt you friends feelings in the process. Moral to this story is to find out likes and dislikes of person you are making quilt/giftss for so as not to put youself into this situation. You can do this discreetly or by observing their home and decor.

My point with this self confession is that I think some or many of the gifts of ugly quilts to people who don't appreciate them are gifts of this sort. The quilter knows in advance the color or pattern will not be to the person's liking, or that the person does not own homemade items by preference. Perhaps there is spite intended, and perhaps the quilter honestly thinks although the person has never shown any interest in a particular color or in having a homemade quilt just the fact that one comes as a gift will change their interest in having one. As so many have testified, it just doesn't always happen like that.

wow i would hope not many are spending the time, effort, skill and money to make a quilt gift just to spite someone else. i dont believe my ugly quilt was done out of spite but was just at the skill level of of the person who made it for me. she certainly was not at the income level that i was at so i believe she used what materials she had available including all of the material i sent.

i believe in some of the comments, the givers have expectations that the receivers are going to love the gift and feel as we did giving it. as we can see that doesnt happen. when i started handing out quilts to my family i had to let go of my expectations of what i wanted them to feel about the gifts. some members expressed gratitude and are using theirs. i do know about the others and what they are doing with them.

but i still have about 23 more family quilts to make and i will give them with no expectations of use. i let my family know up front that these quilts were being made from stash fabric of my clothes sewing days so colors, patterns, etc. were not being taken into account. the only family i did ask were the young'uns (teen-20 somethings) because they can be so discriminating. my leanings as a quilter is toward modern and my design training played a big part in what patterns my family got. they were all designed by me, my own patterns and color play with adornments and embellishments. each is unique.

the only time in my life that i felt i could have given a telling gift outta spite was to my in-laws, at least some of them. they did the same to me often & for years and my former husband never said a word until i started returning those spiteful gifts or just leaving them behind when i was at their home. he finally went to his family and asked why. after that they started giving me "better" gifts but by then it was too late. i never reciprocated the spiteful gift giving because of my children. i can't imagine what kinda impression i woulda left them with if i had done so.

Yes I suppose you are correct, that is why I think I like the freedom of traditional patterns and my personal selection of fabrics, I do not care for kits and you are right there are some quilts like the paint by numbers. I had forgotten that in the day some people really thought paint by numbers pieces were really art! Guess that just shows the range of sophistication some approach art with!!!!:)

Hmmm, I think if some of the blobs of paint on a canvas can be called modern art, then anything, including a quilt that looks like a paint by the number, could also be called art. (at least in my opinion)

Like many on this thread, I have never been given a handmade quilt - My mother made them for all my brothers & sisters but not for me. She also made them for all but 2 of her grandchildren but not for my youngest child (my one niece was the other non-recipient) - Mom stated she "had made them for all her kids & grand-kids & was done now" - when I reminded her about the 2 grandchildren who hadn't gotten them - her reply was "oh well!"
I would have loved to have even gotten an ugly quilt from her. I learned to quilt myself to make one for my son & have since made them for my 3 daughters & 3 grandchildren.

Hmmmm.....I would probably lay it on my spare bed, then debate on putting it in the closet. I wouldn't have the heart to admit they weren't my colors, etc :(

I think its kind to be gracious to the gift giver, especially when you know its from their heart.

Not having seen the quilt in mention I was wondering if you could still divide the blocks then surround them in side sashings of a colour that will complement those used yet also be to your liking. You could even set these on an increasing/decreasing diagonal with the baclground being either lighter or darker depending on the colours that are used. Another sugestion is similar, divide the bocks in half and centre each block inside something traditional like a churn dash block. Use colours that you and your sister both like. Once centred surround the block layout with a narrow border then add either a pieced border using various colurs or using the outline of the block you used to surround the cross stitch ones, keeping the centre of the block plain border the whole top. Just a suggestion bearing in mind I haven't seen the quilt top in question. Goog luck with your decision.

Maybe1day