my own worst critic!
 

I made a quilt for my sister-in-law when she visited last week and my daughter pointed out to me before I gave the quilt that I never seem to give a quilt without pointing out the flaws. I got to thinking about it and I believe she is right....I give something and after they say thank you I have a tendency to say 'but I couldn't get the lines straight in the stitching' or 'I meant to make it larger', or 'one of the blocks is smaller than all the others', or ....stuff like that. I bit my tongue this time as I wanted to say I left some strings uncut, one of the blocks was 1/2 inch smaller than the other blocks so it doesn't line up perfectly! Is this normal or am I just too much of a perfectionist?

I am the same way.... I guess I look so close at them I can't overlook them. My sister told me that she could not even see what I was pointing out as a problem. I think too part of it is that I am concerned that someone who has a lot more experience than me will see them and notice the things that I see....

I do the same thing. Guess I should learn not to do that! ;)

Yup, me too! I'm like that about everything in life and am consciously trying to improve. I have a really hard time accepting compliments so I tend to knock myself down about everything (quilting, my work...) and I'm really working on changing that.

After I began quilting I started really analyzing the quilts I own that were made by both of my grandmothers. I found all sorts of minor flaws that I had never ever noticed even though I've owned (and used!) some of these quilts for over 30 years. It was actually very cool to find little problems and I even found evidence of a couple spots that had been re-sewn....it made me feel much more relaxed about my sewing!! It made me realize that minor errors are completely invisible to most people, and if anybody DOES notice them that means they're probably a quilter too and they'll understand!

I don't mention flaws, those are original design elements.:D

I'm horrible about that. All I see are mistakes when I make stuff. It's hard for me to look and see the good in my own work!

One of my friends is a master at needle turn applique, and lately she's becoming extraordinarily good at piecing too. When I compliment one of her quilts, she just smiles and says "that's okay, I know where all the bones are buried." But I can't find the "bones", no matter how hard I look, and she doesn't point them out. I think that's a good way to approach compliments - offhandedly say that the piece isn't perfect, but don't catalog the problems.

I think it is something we all do. I've just made a top and before I looked I was convinced the points of a triangle and square would be miles out. Looking at it can't find the problem . I fact so far I can't find any bones.

Those I give quilts to do not quilt or sew, so they would not notice any small flaw. If I feel like it it noticeable I redo it.

I'm guilty, too. The worst part about me doing it is it drives me BATTY when other people do it. You would think I could shut up, but my mouth just flies open and starts cataloging problems.

You are so correct Tartan !!! Most of my quilts are for charity so I don't get the opportunity !! I bought a quilt top from my Great great Aunt and once it was quilted by the local sewing group another Great Aunt belonged to, I have treasured the quilt even though I have seen many mistakes but HECK! I wouldn't even attempt to do this pattern even on machine with a rotary cutter and she hand piced the whole quilt!

Man do I understand what you are saying. Maybe I think that if I point out my mistakes before someone else does it won't be so bad. Then again I have a sister that quilts and she always likes to tell me where I went wrong. But I have had people tell me that when she tells someone else about what I made she always is saying what great work I do. When I start pointing out my mistakes with my son he just tells me to STOP, and that if something is made and given with love that's all that counts. I also am trying to do better, but it's really hard. BrendaK

Guilty guilty guilty! I just finished my first long armed quilt and the first thing my husband said was " Do me a favor, don't point out the flaws when you show it to someone." He knows me so well.

I consider the flaws as learning experiences and if I simply have to say something about them out loud, it's usually along the lines of "The lesson I learned with this quilt was blah balh blah and, next time, I'll remember to do it differently."

I used to do that and came up with something I know say. "Thanks---I enjoyed making it for you." I said it over and over in my head until it became an almost automatic response.

This is perfect. I am going to make this my mantra!

I tend to open my big mouth on things like that too. I'm just not perfect!! But now I just try to stay quiet.

That always seems to happen during our show and tell also -- it is sometimes hard to take a compliment! I just finished a quilt where I made several design choices -- the wrong fabric was cut for the border and I chose to use it instead of tossing it. The more I look at it the more I like it!!

YES you're a normal perfectionist! Hahaha!

I like Dunster's friend's saying "that's okay, I know where all the bones are buried." Do you think she'll mind if I use it!

Lovetoquilt301 has a good idea too...repeat a positive saying "Thank you I enjoyed making it for you!"...(then she left out)...and then close mouth and smile!

Nan

I like that idea. I too am constantly pointing out where I could have improved whether it is my quilting, cooking or writing.

I agree with Tartan.

We teach our children to smile and say 'thank you', but then we don't follow our own instructions! I am trying to change the bad habit of not accepting compliments. It can make the compliment-giver feel bad too. It's very hard to just smile and say thank you.

I do it too. I pick out everything I do wrong. I'm learning to keep it to myself and not tell. People that don't quilt won't notice at all. We have to keep telling ourselves that. :)

I am compelled to point out the near misses especially to my friends who also quilt, they are going to see them anyway. The determination on weather or not they are really good friends is when they say something like I couldn't do that good or I don't see any boo boos! I am very hesitant to show people other than my close friends because I don't want to be judged, insecure I suppose.

Trouble is, if we keep being so self-critical it becomes crippling, then you don't produce anything at all. Glad I'm not alone....I am keeping that mantra in mind....just won't start muttering it....my lot already think I'm strange enough:)

There are times to speak up and there are times to stay quiet.

I wonder if it is how we are brought up. My mom always was critical of anything I made for her, pointing out the errors but I found out I think her mother did the same to her. I have a daughter and the only "thing" she made was some counted cross stitch when she was 14 and you bet I didn't get critical of her work!

I LOVE this thread....makes me feel normal. I too, am trying to bite my tongue regarding flaws. :)

I am the same way, but I'm trying to get better at not pointing out flaws in my quilts, as I am my own worst critic, but I'm working on not making derogatory remarks about my quilt. Most people that I give the quilts to are not quilts, so they generally don't see the flaws.

I read something the other day that I believe is absolutely true - your eye will see what it expects to see, so noone is going to notice points that don't quite point, or a seam that is off. Even when I know I have a mistake, once the quilt is finished, even I have a hard time spotting it - so I just let people admire my quilts and try to keep my mouth shut!

We are generally our own worst critic.

The key is for you not to share those critical comments with anyone else but you, alone with your machine! Trust me, nobody receiving a gift quilt should have anything to say but thank you and similar expressions of gratitude and appreciation. Bask in it and enjoy! You deserve it!

I confess I have told someone when giving them a quilt to call me if it ever breaks a seam or something comes undone so I can repair it and find out where I goofed. I figure that's part of the warranty :)

Are we just trying to point out the flaws before someone has the chance to?

Just goes to show a "PERFECT GOD" made us "PERFECTLY IMPERFECT". That in itself is perfection.

I love the comment about the buried bones! I'll have to remember that one.

Remember....the beauty of handmade lies in the imperfections. I have no idea where I heard this but it comes to mind when I am looking at my work.

Oh, I don't think you are alone by any means. The funny thing is (or perhaps not so funny) that very, very few people would ever see or notice these little flaws that drive us crazy in our own work. I'll bet that if you picked out one of the most dazzling quilts in any show and then talked to the creator, she would say something like, "Oh, the stitching just isn't quite the way I wanted it." We're all looking for perfection.

Even if there are imperfections, you only do the recipient a disservice by making them less happy with the quilt. They are usually happy until we point out the flaws.

Where did the need to point out every flaw we make come from in the first place? Who ever started it should apologize
profusely to all the world. It really keeps us from growing and exploring.

I washed the car but.....
raked the leaves but.....
washed the windows but.....
painted the room but.....

We all strive to do our best and we should start thinking, acting and talking that way. I know I feel better just saying I accomplished something, anything!

For gosh sakes girl. You accomplished making a quilt. How wonderful is that!:D
peace

I like this idea!

"A lady never apologizes." (Not meant for hurts given or serious mistakes/offenses made, but always meant for the trivial, 'put-down' issues of self or the condition of her house.)