So I took some of the advice of some of the wonderful people on here, and no matter how bad I'm feeling right now I decided to do something productive...I have a baby quilt I started a few months back and I really wanna get it finished...so I got up early this morning to work on it..but even though i got up early( before 7 am ) all 4 of my kids were already awake, and fighting and acting up, so I made them breakfast and decided I would do my hair instead since I can't quilt with everyone acting up...that was when I realized that instead of buying shampoo and conditioner, I bought 2 shampoo's...okay ok, a little frustraiting, but maybe I can have hubby return one...So i'm thinking to myself I'm having a hard time lately, and really not myself...and I had already woken up head to toe in pain..for some odd reason... so determined to turn my day around, I decided to paint my nails, immediatly after 3 kids needed something, and there goes my freshly painted nails..and then several more events of this type all occured, there is more screaming and fighting and yet hubby sleeps through it all...what I'm getting at here, the moral of my story is, if there is something you want to do...don't let things deter you...I should have just put all the kids in there room...and done my quilting, then perhaps I wouldn't have had all the frustraitions I've been putting up with all morning lol

Or you could send them all outside and tell them they can't come in (for anything) until you say so!! Of course, you might have to chain them to the clothesline.... :roll: :roll:

Hang in there! They will get a little older and won't need you as much...

When DH and I were married almost 20 years ago, I had 4 kids and he had 3. We each had custody, so we ended up with 7 kids at home! Five of them were in grade school, so you know our house was a mad house!!

We both worked full time in our store, 12 hrs days, and I did all the running with the kids also.

Some how we survived, all went on to college and now we have an empty house, just the 2 of us!

The time will go bye, and they will get older, and you will survive, even though there will be times when you won't think so.

What you really need is a little time for yourself.
Sit them down to watch a movie or a show, I know it's not a popular thing to let the TV baby sit, but sometimes you just have to have a little time to yourself!

I don't know their ages, but you can also break them up in pairs, to play a board game together. 2 is easier to control than 4!

Just some suggestions, but you need to find a way to have a little time for yourself, you are no good to anyone else if you don't take care of yourself, and there is nothing wrong with being selfish some times.

When you have had alone time, then you are more able to deal.

Good luck, and remember, This too shall Pass!!





:D

Ninnie

I say....send them in to wake Dad up!

I use to get up around 5:30 or 6:00 to have "time for myself". It really helped me out to not have anyone bothering me. Now my kids are grown and come home to visit. My husband is retired and around all of the time. I still get up early each morning to have time for myself. It is a wonderful part of the day.

Each person is different so you will have to find out what works for you.
What helped me with raising my kids was to have a schedule. I don't know the age of your kids so your schedule will be determined by their needs if they are really young.

My schedule was something like....my time from 5:30-7:00;
breakfast for the kids at 7:30. Have them dressed by 8:30.

Knowing that my kids were going to be fed by 7:30 helped me to tell them to stay in bed until 7:00 in the morning.

They had schedules in the evening too...
dinner at the same time; bath and story at the same time and early to bed when they were young.
As they got older, they were allowed to stay up later but evening was to be a calm time...not a busy time.

You do need time for yourself. You just have to make it while making sure that your children's needs are fulfilled at the same time.

It sounds like Dad needs to get up---SOON.....

Mom take the afternoon off and get out of the
house, leave Dad with the kids.....he can do
it..

(And, BTW, pat yourself on the back for even
thinking about quilting while raising 4 little kids...)

I got the best advice when I was pregnant with my first child from a retired nanny. She said the child should never expect to be told twice to do or not do something especially from a parent. The little angels are of course perfect and cute but that does not excuse unruly behavior. If you don't demand respect for you and for the home life the kids will never learn how to show it.

LOL, good one!

Jamie, I just sent you a PM.....

Sound like a GREAT time to go outside and take a LONG walk.... maybe to the mall for the day LOL!!! (yeah! more fabric!)
A friend of my parents used to put her 6 (the oldest was 7) kids outside @ 8 in the morning and not let them back in til lunch time...
She'd be in jail and the kids in foster care if she did that in this day and age...

Hi Jamie - I really feel for you. I have two kids, 10 and 6, and they fight like crazy. It's insane and we can't seem to stop it. It distracts me from so much and puts our whole household in a bad mood. How old are you kids? Sounds like you have your hands full and you might be overwhelmed. It's next to impossible to get "me time" with children. I have found that now that my youngest is 6, I have a little more time to myself. One preschool teacher gave me a good idea, and maybe it will help you and your kids a little. She said that if I could give 15 minutes of solid attention to each child - going down to their level and just immersing into that child and what THEY want to do, it sort of "fills their cup" for attention and can go a long way. It's particularly good to do this when you have been away from them for a while, or to start their day. I know it's very hard to do with everything else going on, but at this point, I think for you anything is worth a try.

The other great parenting advice I got, that I always try to remember at the difficult moments is this phrase "This Too Shall Pass".

Take care,

Sorry about your morning! I can be frustrating. I finally have my family trained to know that when I close the sewing room door, they are to act as if I am not even home. No phone calls, no visitors, no requests, etc. It's great! If the door is open, they can come in to visit, but not to bring me any kind of problems. Mine are 12 and 9 now, so they get it. They also are learning to appreciate their own private time. We all have to learn to like our company, seeing as we are stuck with ourselves forever!

Best parenting advice I ever got was from my mother in law. I was having a day like yours, called her to cry, and all she said was:
"Marie, these are long days, but short years. You will miss them one day."
I think of that almost every day now.

What a great saying your MIL had and very true!!

Ninnie

When mine were that young I would split them up, 2 in 2 different rooms, I would play/give them some attention and then switch them around in pairs to play and then together for a while.
This is a trick I used when ANY young kids have been in my care...if they bicker they sit facing each other on the floor with their legs crossed and hands on their knees, I tell them you will do this until you can be friendly with each other, and they have to lean in noses or foreheads touching. Yes they do fuss for a while, but when they see each other's crossed eyes, they usually start giggling after a couple of minutes and I ask "friends again?" and they are up on their happy way. If it takes me 10 minutes of sitting and calmly supervising them, ok. After a few times they realize I mean business and just the threat of saying "knees to knees, toes toes" would settle some of bickering right down.

No matter which way you choose to go, it will take you being calm and consistent to get them to behave or change behaviors. They pick up on your emotions, you are stressed...they will crank it up too....Ya gotta try and fool them into thinking you are calm cool and collected...then go into another room and scream into a pillow :wink: :wink: :wink:

Maybe you and your husband can pick a couple days a week for 30-60 minutes of me time...I know he is busy, but I would tell him it is better to give me some time in increments now, then you having them full time and working and school while I am in the looney bin....cause that's where I am heading now :shock: :wink: :wink:

LOL we live in a townhouse development, all we have is a small yard then a BIG parking lot...I don't let my kids wonder....:)

You guys are great!!! Really honestly wonderful people...I've never recieved much kindess in my life, I've always been the one to give it...I think you are all the Best!!!!!! Great big Hugs and thank you's to each one of you.

I still have gotten no quilting done...but I did play outside with the kids for a couple of hours, and got some sun...since this is the first day in forever there has been some! :)

Hang in there Jamie, the time will pass all to quickly. Then you will yearn for their company. :lol:

Dog Kennels.

Works for me.

tim in san jose

I think Mommy is entitled to some "me time" and the kids and DH have to accept that. Next time, claim it! They will adjust.

Ah those days.

Our children are all grown up with children of their own.

I live on the east coast my daughter and her family live on the west coast.

My oldest son and his family live 100 miles south of me.

My youngest son and his family live 30 miles east of me.

I long for those days. I loved every minute of it.

I know it's frustrating now, but enjoy every minute of it. Before you know it, they'll be gone.

I never said I didn't enjoy it...I constantly hear from hubby how he doesn't know how I can handel it, how I cope with it all the time...I tell him quite simply...they are mine, and I love them! It doesn't mean mommy doesn't get frustraited and yells some times...but they are children..and this is the way they are ment to be...of course i wouldn't complain if maybe they could just Listen a little better lol

LOL

That is so true!!!

I had to implement "I am not your mother/wife" time. For about 30 minutes after I come home from work, no one is allowed to bother me. The only exceptions are blood, bones sticking out, house on fire. Otherwise, "I am not your mother right now".

Jamie, I am the mother of 4 kiddoes and I hear ya.

Do NOT be afraid to claim some "me" time.

It took me a long time to realize that I actually earned respect from my kids when I did stand up for my time. And I think in the long run it made them start thinking of me as a real person and not just their mom. And, also in the long run, it made them more aware of their own time and how to use it to their advantage.

I've now got 4 college graduates instead of 4 small children, and they are beginning to have children of their own. I have the MOST FUN seeing them struggle now with their children.

Although, they do get kind of mad at me when I laugh out loud while they are trying to discipline their offspring! But sometimes I just can't help it!

Choked when I read this, love it! We have a huge cage in the bed of our truck that we sometimes transport calves/goats in. Always have someone ask what that cage is for. Aways answer "Grandkids" and get quite a reaction too. :lol:

Why do you think I always have Duct Tape? ;)

Here is my two cents worth and what worked for me when my two boys were younger. They are now 17 and 19 and are good kids.
I found that by giving them attention and giving them things to look forward to it would make them behave better. I loved them being little so easy to bribe (much harder now lol)
I would get up earlier to get things done and while they had breakfast do the things that needed getting done. Then after breakfast usual getting dressed teeth brushed and that is when i talked about what they would like to do today. Sometimes we would go to the park and i would take a ball and get them to run around like crazy and we would also have a picnic. Come home and have quiet time drawing and quiet playing while I supervised and did chores and got dinner organised. After lunch nap time if they needed it and do activities when older from gluing, painting, playdough and even cooking making cakes and biscuits. At times when they had too many beans we went for another walk in the afternoon so I guess what i am saying is routine really helps and find what each kids really favourite past time is and then you can bribe!! It is harder for you with the different ages so I hope you find what works to make life easier for you. I loved the time when the kids were little but at the time it was hard work and i didnt get much me time. I did occasionally go out for coffee and shopping to get me time which makes all the difference especially when things are tough. So hang in there and take it a day at a time and one day you will look back and think where have all the years gone...

Mom could sit and hand piece in the kennel while the kids sit and watch the strange sight.
I can see the headlines now- Kids have captured a "wild" mom who is in stitches. :wink: :wink: :wink:

I recently told someone that the one thing that being a parent taught me was deferred gratification..... I am still waiting.
OHsue

Sue, I can honestly say that I have experienced, finally, that gratification. Recently all 4 of my children were together for a dinner following a performance of my youngest in a college play. I was struck by the realization that all 4 of them were in one place at one time, and they were LAUGHING!!! TOGETHER!!! NOT AT EACH OTHER, BUT WITH EACH OTHER!!!

They all said that they would have to do this more often. I smiled. It was great.

But many years in the making.

Oh... How I know... Mine are 12, 9, almost 8 and 5. The 12yo is a gem. Older, helps out a lot. The younger three.... When they start acting up and are grumpy inside, outside, wherever they may be, I send them all to bed. No talking. No playing. Just go to bed and stay there til I say you can get up. About 10-15 minutes later, I let them up on one condition: get along or you're going to go back to bed.

Sometimes it's not always us who needs a "time-out" and time to yourself. Sometimes they need it, too. So we all go to our "separate corners" and come back when we're feeling calmer.

Jamie- a schedule will be your best friend. I only have 2, mine are now 20 and 17. But when they were little, I was always harried and running ragged and working full-time didnt help. DH really wasnt alot of help eaither. I had to hear on Sat-Sun when I asked if he could get up with them and he would say" I'm tired I worked all week". Well hello so do I!. So we sat down with the kids and worked a schedule and what we did is we bought a timer and we would set it outside of my quiltroom door and set it for one hour and during that hour DH would watch the kids or if the kids needed anything they would go to him. When the timer when off then and only then could they bother mom.

many times when the kids wanted something, they would walk right past DH and come and knock on the bathroom door or where ever I was to ask me. I would say wheres dad..they would say"downstairs". I asked why didnt you ask Dad..reply--I dont know" it drove me nuts!

Oh, My!!! I was reading and said to myself, "That's exactly how it is at my house!!"

I started working part-time in the evenings, and DH had quite the learning experience having to deal with kids and supper and dishes and laundry and showers and..........

He says he can't do "everything". I reminded him that we have children who know how to do the dishes and do laundry and put away leftovers from supper and broom and......... they just need told. And if you keep the TV off, you have their attention and they get done faster.

OMG! well my hubby is my kids step dad, and were not even officialy married, so the only time they listen to him at all is when he is punishing them, and even then they still look to me for " help" no one has ever asked anyone other than mommy for anything, except for once when I said No and that wasn't exceptable for them. My "quiet" time is after bed...usualy when Im too exhausted to do anything...I don't have a sewing room, I have a table in the front of the livingroom. I asked hubby if we could turn our bedroom into a sewing room and just sleep on the couch lol...he said Yes, but I know he doesn't really mean it :) Hubby also has 2 kids of his own...older than mine..so the only two spare rooms in the house are the ones we built for them when they come over on the weekends.. so I dont even have a place to hide for an hour or two.

And this is what children are for, my only question is why do our hubbies always tell us they cant do everything, and it is to much for them, when they are the ones doing it, but we do it ever day by ourselves, and it isn't to much for us/?

When things got frustrating here...I'd remind myself the kids didn't ask to be here--I invited them. And that helped put it all in perspective. And I knew God is always watching. :wink:

Find the joy in each day--do simple things together--tell them you love them--and hug them up. Live each day with no regrets.

A game I played with my kids who are now grown and i do it with my grands when needed is the Little Red Schoolhouse. The rules are everyone has to be silent and the first one to talk loses! It works great in the car!! You can have prizes if you want I never did it was just for fun. It helps get the noise level down for awhile anyway!!.

I also used to sing with the kids. It is a great way to bond and it gets their attention off whatever the noise was about. I also used this in the car but my grands love to sing with me now. We do what ever kid songs and other Christian ditties I learned as a child like Jesus loves me or we do things like 5 little monkeys jumping on the bed for the little ones. It is fun and gets their attention when you want them to calm down.

A tip I learned when I worked in daycare was to sit down and begin to clap your hands. Vary your clapping over your head - under your leg or change the rythm and kids will stop and join in most of the time. You can also snap your fingers or do a Simon Says sort of thing. Can you pat your tummy and rub your head? It works to get their attention.

One more thing we did was when the noise got too much we would shut off the light and make everyone sit down somewhere. It makes a point that the noise is too high.

wow, this sounds just like what I did with my kids. I didn't get up early like this...my, 'me' time was after they went to bed. I have just never been a tv watcher, so I would do whatever interested me, during this time, and sometimes it was housework, but sometimes, it was a book, or sewing etc.
They were on a schedule from the time they came into the world, and we all thrived on it.
Hubby wanted everything to be spontaneous, but that created havoc, so he went along, to get along, and all was good.
You have to find your own rhythm, but I can tell you, I love all three of my son in laws, but I could tell you by the ways my daughters are acting, when their hubbies are going thru a, "I need to lay in the bed" phase. It makes them feel, like a maid, a slave, and a babykeeper,...unappreciated etc.
I don't know your circumstances. Your husband might work midnights, and have to be in bed, but it's that, - it's all on my shoulders, thing, that drags you down. You feel alone with it all.
Do you have any family close? girlfriends with kids, your kids could play with, while you two have some girl time?
Some days, you may have to scream into a pillow, or turn up the radio, while your using the bathroom...just for a minute or two...depends on ages of kids. This is good, when you have teens, to drown out smart mouths. I only had one of those, and didn't have a radio in the bathroom then. If i had, I wouldn't be as nutty as I am now. :D
I do agree with Ninnie, and I know it may sound cliche...but really and truly...this too shall pass.

ROFLMBO :lol: :lol: :lol:

Tim - do you really have kids? :roll:

well ladies may i tell my story? my husband and i could not have children, (he was sterile), we went to doctors, we tried - to no avail. Finally after 9 years of marriage, we adopted a newborn baby girl. She was the joy of our lives. I always wanted to get pregnant and have several children but that just wasn't to be. I would have given anything to be in "your" shoes. I'm not underminding the frustrations you go through raising several children, i was from a family of 7 children and so was my husband. when our daughter was 3 years old, my husband had a heart attack and we couldn't pass the strict adoption agency rules for health purposes, so we had to settle for just one. When our daughter was 13, my husband died and I was left to finish raising her alone - which was not easy at times. But I made it and yall are right, time does pass and circumstances change - my wonderful daughter is now 45, a school teacher, and i'm 72 and still work part time as a barber. I realize when you're young it's difficult to imagine yourself old but it does happen and so quickly too it seems like. so i consider all of you extremely fortunate to have your children and I know you do too. When I was a kid and griped about something, my dad said i used to complain that i didn't have any shoes till i met a man that didn't have any feet.