She who dies with the most wins! But what about after?
 

Hi
I would like to bring up a topic that I am sure we would all like to avoid. One of my coworkers and friends and an avid quilter recently died quite suddenly. She had acquired a huge stash of fabric over the years and now that stash, with her WIPs, UFOs and unquilted tops was headed for the dumpster. Her family had a very few days after her funeral to empty her home and disperse her belongings. Fortunately, several of her friends spoke to the family and the many many totes of fabric were saved for the present. Many of her projects became separated from the patterns, many of her intended receipients will never know that she was making them a quilt. Aside from a few of us who recognized what things went with what other things most of the stash would have been considered just scraps of fabric.

It would have been wonderful to have found in each project, a list of what went with what, who it was intended for, what patterns were used. It would have been nice if there was a note saying she would have liked her stash to go to making hospice quilts, or donated to a local guild or who should benefit from her years of stash building!

So I would like to propose to you all, that you take the time to make a list or include some sort of note with your projects that might just help the survivors when your time comes. Believe me, there has been plenty of angst on the part of her friends going through her stash. One person took many completed applique blocks and is making quilts for her sons and other members of her family, some of the fabric is going to a church group to make hospice quilts, some went to coworkers who quilt but there was a huge amount of fabric.

My friend died too early, only 56, from ovarian cancer. She thought she had more time as we all do, she did put off doing some of the final arrangements as we all would in her shoes. I miss her. I would much rather be laughing with her than sorting through her stash trying to figure out what to do. So for the people you will leave behind, make some arrangements about your stash and your projects AND please label your quilts.

My condolences on the loss of your friend, sending you hugs. You are right that this is a topic that is difficult to talk about, but it is one we all should at least consider. Even if just to say, "when I die give _____ my stuff to disperse as she sees fit". I am currently trying to organize all my crafting and quilting supplies, and I think I will incorporate some of these ideas into my final setup.

I am going through some of what you have your in post. An elderly lady in my church passes away.. she was a major quilter. After her house sitting for agood while I asked about her quilt room and all her supplies...... long story short... I was told to go get everything I wanted, which was the whole room..... After getting it all home and going through it, there was probally at least 50 quilts that have been cut out but no patterns, notes, nothing. So I bought gallon size zip lock bags and started putting things I thought were the pieces to each on into a bag. but I understand what you mean. The people that "inheret" these items,we have no idea what the person cuting them out was thinking. and it is very hard to put things together. I feel your pain on that point...

on the other.... I am so very sorry for the loss of your friend, she was still so very young!

Thanks for the condolences. It is hard to look at all this beautiful fabric while thinking if only, or what if, - some of the WIPs were from classes we had both gone to! Makes me want to get rid of the peripherals and concentrate on what brings joy!

Thank you for sharing both your grief and your observations. We had a man come into one of our guild meetings with a quilt his wife made and started hand quilting. She died suddenly. He was going to toss it into the trash when a friend of his wife intervened and brought him and it to our guild meeting. It's a beautiful quilt and several of the guild members are completing the hand quilting.

So ladies and gentlemen, we really need to plan for the inheritance of our beloved fabrics. tools, and quilts. Otherwise, only God knows what will happen to them.

Yes it's a subject everyone wants to advoid. Deep in her heart I bet she knew you would handle her crafts and complete them for her. To me that would bring me joy, knowing I can complete the things ya'll started together. The friendship will never end knowing you have her "love" with you. Keep your smile going, she would want nothing better than for you to enjoy it.

Awwwwwwwwwww. I am sorry to hear about your friend. I agree with everything you said about labeling and arrangements for who gets what. I have only told my family the value of my tools, notions, etc. so they don't toss it.

So sorry for the your loss. I have gone through this very thing with my BFF - she had an entire room full of fabric, in bookcases on bolts, etc. She had a major stroke and then passed away. After several months of us visiting her DH (my husbands best friend) we went to see him one day and he said that he had spent the past two days burning all of her fabric, etc. I almost fainted - no kidding. I raced into her "room" and sure enough it was empty. But, he hadn't gotten around to emptying the big closet - it had her plactic totes full of fabric - maybe a dozen or so totes. I was able to "rescue" them - DH and I carrying them out to our car in a hurry - before he changed his mind and burned them too. I asked where her paper patterns and thread was and he said "gone". I did find her quilt books in a bookcase in another bedroom so took them home too. But the worst thing is that she had a sister who had three daughters and then she had a daughter in-law who had a young daughter. I am sure that one of them might have wanted some of the things in her sewing room. I offerred to have her sister to come to my house to go through what I brought home and he told me that he did not want the sister to have anything. I am still in shock about all of this. Besides that, the floor in my sewing room collapsed - due partly to the weight of all of my fabric - old floor though. So, I had to put all of her fabric in a storage room in my garage.

We had a beloved quilter in our community pass on suddenly from a fall - she was a fabulous friend of the quilting community here, and generous to quilters making charity items. We will always miss her assistance and helpfulness. At her funeral each attendee received a yard of her stash -- rolled with a ribbon. Mine was incorporated into a set of placements donated to a charity for a fund raising event. It was her love and passion -- and a joy to pass that along in her memory.

We had a beloved quilter in our community pass on suddenly from a fall - she was a fabulous friend of the quilting community here, and generous to quilters making charity items. We will always miss her assistance and helpfulness. At her funeral each attendee received a yard of her stash -- rolled with a ribbon. Mine was incorporated into a set of placements donated to a charity for a fund raising event. It was her love and passion -- and a joy to pass that along in her memory.

You have posted a topic dear to my heart. I have gone thru my mother's belongs recently - she sewed garments not quilts, but the thoughts you have expressed hit home.

I, personally, have 8.5 x 11 sheets of paper with notes on them that I keep in a stack and reuse. I have written on them what goes where and I get those pages out and put them in my sewing room every time my husband and I travel in a car on long vacations. You just never know.

My messages say things like (1) give this quilt to my sister-in-law, (2) offer these fabrics to my on-line quilting guild (includes the website and my password to post), (3) send these scraps in a flat rate box to xxx (my friend that makes scrappy quilts and crumb blocks - has her name and address included), and (4) these tops were made by our great-grandmother xxx - send to my cousin xxx in Town, USA, etc. It doesn't take long to distribute these notes (and some are inside the boxes and stay there permanently) but I'm sure they will be very useful.

What a creep to have had for a husband. :thumbdown:

So sorry for the loss of your friend. And thanks for the reminder that we all need to make sure someone knows our intentions.
When my in laws went into assisted living we all went through the things they were not taking to the small apartment and decided that rather than trying to do an estate sale we would distribute it among ourselves and anything none of us could use would go to Goodwill. Each of us got a sewing machine and various items she had made or been working on. I was able to figure out the mystery quilt she had started and take it to her but there were other blocks and bits and pieces that I have no idea what was going on with. At some point I will figure out something to do with them as they are not done in colors that I use most of the time. But somebody will come along wanting just those colors and there they will be, waiting for that person.

What a nice thing to do.

I have already told my husband to let my sister and best friend do what they want with my stash and equipment, but my children and grandchildren (first) and any family members will get any and all quilts that are completed. My sister will get my Berninas (4) and my best friend will get my Singers (9 - 6 of which are FWs) and my Janome serger.

I sounded like your BFF's husband was very bitter and angry about her death and acted very irrationally in his grief. So sad that none of the nieces, sister and daughter-in-law were able to have something from her collection to remember her by :( Kudos to you for getting some things to safety. I would still have the sister and daughter-in-law come over to pick through the totes you saved if you think they would appreciate it. Nothing your friend's husband can do about that now!

Different people deal with death in different ways. DMIL didn't sew much, so DFIL kept the sewing machine and supplies, but threw out all her clothes shortly after her death. I would never have done that. If he didn't want to see relatives wearing them, they could all have been donated to charity, and at least someone would benefit. And later for some collectibles, we were ordered over to the house to get this "crap" now if we wanted it or it was going in the trash.

May you find some solice having part of her stash with you. My heart is with you. This is a very important topic and one we should all act on, now.
peace

My sewing room is actually in my will "wish list". I have so much stuff that my hubby wanted to know what to do with it when I was gone. I asked him the same about his motorcycles and tools. It is all listed somewhere in our papers. We were trying to make things simple for each other and our kids. :)

A very sad sad story. So sorry for the loss of your friend and fellow quilter. Thanks for the reminder that we all need to pre-plan and save our loved ones the heartache of trying to figure out what we would have wanted done with our personal possessions.

Way ahead of you. I have kept a running list for years. It states the name of the quilt, how far the project is in its completion, the size, and who it is for. I also have taken photographs of every quilt, I have made, whether finished or not. When I am gone, my family will get them in a lottery style drawing. There are enough for each to get at least two.

My MIL passed 3 years ago and she put all of her quilting related stuff into a very large tote/tub with my name on it. Inside was a note with all the details of the UFO's, projects in the works and so on. It took me the 3 years since she passed to finish all her projects but they are done. My FIL had asked me to finish them for her and sadly he passed just a few weeks ago but he did get to see them done. I gave the designated quilts to all of her children as requested and they were so happy. A few tears were shed but the loving memory of their mother will always be with them.

Went to preview an estate sale and there was an enormous amount of fabric. I knew the lady who had passed away. She used to come into the salon where I worked. It was a massive stroke that took her life also. Her children never used a sewing machine. They didn't have an interest in passing the art down through the family or so they thought. While previewing one of the youngest granddaughters was playing with some fabric on an old child's sewing machine. She was having a ball. I looked at one of the daughters and said "you may want to keep that one at least." They decided to go through and let the little girl decide what she wanted. Turns out when the granddaughter would spend the night she and Grandma played on the sewing machine. That day the girl didn't go to school because she just didn't feel well but she was better at Grandma's. That little girl is 17 now and she still has all of Grandma's patterns. That 17 yr old has her own studio in the walk up attic of their home. She has helped some of the other grands and she still has the sewing machines (5) that belonged to her grandmother. I was able to get some of the material but a lot of it wasn't sold. She has many of the needles that her grand used, on display. I feel so blessed to have met that lady and her family, especially Emmalee. That Christmas many received small quilts from Grandma's stash. Emmalee has everything organized. She was able to also help inform everyone what was what. She has completed many of the WIPs. She only gave quilts to those who had an interest, mainly the grands. Grandma's art skipped a generation but still was passed to another.

Everyone deals with grief in their own way. Not always to our liking.

This is a topic most families don't want to venture into. It is an uncomfortable situation.
HOWEVER, those that can and will, sure need to bring it up. And not just about our sewing/quilting supplies & projects.

Thank you for this post.

Grief takes many forms.

I've got that covered. My daughter-out-of-law (someday will DIL) gets first dibs on my sewing room. Everyone in my family knows that to throw out my stuff would cause me to come back and haunt them! They are all aware that there are many places to donate unwanted stuff from a quilter. In fact, my youngest son has promised that he will line my casket with some fabric so I can go happily! LOL

My quilting friend and I have told our families that if something happens, no one goes in our sewing room until ____ (friend) is done with it! They all know we mean it and we have each promised to take care of all the stash! The surviving friend can do whatever they see fit with it. When we get something new with pattern/fabric we put it in a ziploc bag with the receipt so it is easy to see what it was supposed to be for. I hope neither of us has this job for many, many years...but the thought of our families selling it at a garage sale or burning it (!!!!!OMG) has made it easier for us to make the agreement! I love the idea someone had of passing out a yard of fabric to everyone at the funeral. Maybe a quilting bee would be a nice wake too! No one likes to talk about it, but it is inevitable for all of us. Sorry to hear of the loss of your friend at too early an age. Quilting friends are the best!

We had a young quilter pass away and left many dollars owed on her care. Two members took all her fabric, completed quilts that were in progress for her family, then had a garage sale of quilting supplies and fabric. The money raised went to pay on her debts. It was awork of love and rememberance of our friend. She and I had been roommastes at quilt retreat. This has me thinking of What to do to help my family in case of my passing.......Hugs PS Sorry of the loss of your BFF

Recently I made a major mistake concerning this very subject. I have a mid-arm quilting machine with a sit-down table. Although all three of my daughters can sew, none of the do it at all. And certainly none of the three know a thing about quilting.

So in a moment of generosity, I told my sister-in-law, who is an avid piece-er, that when I go, she can have my quilting machine. She was thrilled. (I don't want you to think she is eagerly awaiting my demise...it's just that I am about 15 years older than her and 66. So she naturally thinks I'll be first. LOL.)

The problem started about 2 days later. I was talking to my youngest daughter on the phone and the subject of what to do with things came up. The first thing she said was that she wanted all my 'sewing stuff'. I said, "OK...but you don't quilt, so I'm guessing you mean my Bernina, the embroidery machine, and the serger." She said, "No, I would love to learn to quilt when my children are older."

Oh my...I didn't have the heart to tell her that I'd already given it away. So...I've decided to put aside the cost of the machine and that to one of them...just haven't decided which one yet.

I have most of my UFO's in boxes the shape of pizza boxes, and the end of the box is labeled so that "I" can see what is inside. My biggest concern is for my scraps. No one uses scraps as small as I do. I have three bags full of such "crumbs", and I'm sure they will go out when I am gone. It would be no big loss to anyone, but my desire to get at these and make some nice crumb quilts is what keeps me going at present projects. We have had two classes, a challenge, and a mystery quilt project at our quilt club since January, and I have to make a large quilt for each. So I've been busy. But every time I go on a long vacation, I have thoughts of 'What will happen if I don't get back from this?' This summer I will be teaching English in Lithuania and will be gone for a month, so I need to get seven quilts finished before I leave. I sure won't be sewing much in the two weeks after I get back before the show. So now I have to "get my house in order". I also have to get cracking on planning my teaching sessions. I can listen to Lithuanian language tapes while I sew. LOL

dray965 ... lesson for me from your experience is to not assume anything about our children. Guess we all need to have that "talk" with our family members.

I have a deal with my cohort in quilting crime that whoever is left behind gets the others stash. We have advised our nonquilting friends and family of the same

I belong to a few different charitable groups, and advise them not to buy anything until they ask me first. My policy "You need it? I got it!" It feels so good to give and see my stuff used while I'm still here.

It is so interesting reading all the responses to my post! I am always warmed by the fact that quilters are some of the nicest people in the world - if only everyone could help as much as quilters do!!!
But the bottom line is that we should always be prepared!!! (I was a girl scout!!) We owe it to our family, our quilting friends and our coworkers to have a place for our quilts, WIPs and UFOs figured out before we pass!
Does anyone have a template or form for quilt projects that you could put in your bag, plastic container - whatever you use for quilting, so that you could keep track of materials, patterns, intended receipients, things that have to be done etc? Seems to me all of us could use more organization in our lives!! :)

So sorry for your lose. A few years ago I had to ''put my house in order'' as they say. My sewing room and all its contents were to be taken to the ''Church Ladies'' my MIL's group of sassy senior quilters. The quilts they made were sent to so many people in need. They even raffled off quilts to raise money for the area's Senior Centers. Now that I've moved here with my family I have no one that sews to forward my collection to-so I stopped buying fabric and machines and am trying to make as many things as I can to forward finished projects to as many loved ones as I can while I'm here to see them enjoy them. I'm happy to say that my stash is dwindling at a steady pace.

I have four daughters and only one has expressed any interest in learning to quilt (we are working on it, but she has two very young children).....so she will get the contents of my sewing room.....one of the others will get the quilts I have finished.....another gets my rings.....and the last will get anything from the house.....it is very hard to keep things fair, but I have distributed as I feel necessary.

You are so right,I have known a friend who was a quilter, and when they died suddenly, the family, who had very little contact and less interest in what they had quilted over the years, just disposed of everything without even letting other quilting friends know funeral arrangements etc. We would all have loved to say goodbye and have kept some of her work to remember her by, never given the chance! If you make a will it is so easy to say what you would like to happen to quilts and fabric. I made a doll several years ago , like a quilter, with rolls of fabric scissors etc, named her after this lady, she sits in my sewing room and keeps dear Daphne in my mind always,

it goes to my BFF or to the Goodwill. Hubby knows.

I have told my sister, who is the executrix of my will, what to do with my fabric etc. Also I have a folder in My Documents on my computer labeled Final Instructions. Tells who gets what, etc.

Just so it doesn't get thrown out. or burned, uggh, now I am gonna have nightmares about that....

My condolences on the loss of your BFF and I can only express shock at what the husband did with her fabric, maybe he was angry with her for dying and chose this method to vent, but it would have been so much better to have distributed her "stash" where I'm sure she would have wanted it. Another good reason to make some kind of plan for our passion.