sister-in-law requested quilt
 

What questions do I ask for this to result in a positive experience? My favorite are "Aunt Anna, I will love any quilt that you make and I will sleep under it." I have lost enthusiasm over most other requests from the self-imposed pressure. I would appreciate input on things that have worked for other quilters.

Thanks!
Anna

unless someone is planning to pay me my price, I only make them a quilt if it's my idea! don't feel pressured, would you buy her a new couch just because she wanted you to? it's about the same money.

- Tell your SIL that you & she can go shopping, she can pay for all the materials & then you will teach her how to make the quilt.
- Tell her that you charge $350 for a crib and the prices go up from there. What color would she like?
- Say I'm flattered you like my work, but I don't do commissioned pieces.
I would not feel obligated to make a quilt for anyone who just requested it.

Is there any background to this?

Sich as - have you made quilts for other members of the family?
If so - were there any "conditions"?

I like the "would you buy her a couch?" comparison. It is more apt than I realized.

Do you LIKE her?

I think taking someone shopping is a good idea. I think very few non-sewers have any idea of how much it costs to make a quilt (or anything else, for that matter) because of the prices that are seen in the stores for quilts and comforters.

First off, ask yourself if you really want to make this quilt and if you have time. Choose a sample project and create a one sheet that shows average material cost, average time spent making a quilt, and break down what one would normally charge for a handmade item. I'm not sure if you're planning to charge her, but even if you don't this will be helpful for her to be able to conceptualize the amount that goes into making a quilt, most people really don't know and feelings can get hurt or pressure put on just because of a lack of clear communication.

Secondly, ask HER what her expectations are in the following areas:

1. Time frame - does she want/need it by a certain date and by extension are you willing and able to complete it by that date? This is the most important thing to clarify with her and I think the thing that could cause the most pressure and frustration on your part. There's nothing worse that being under the gun on a project you have no desire (or incentive) to work on. If she's not going to pay you beyond materials (see below) than make sure she understands that you will work on this when you want and there is no due date.

2. Design - tell her you require her to be involved in the design process, especially if she is paying for the quilt. Ask her what room it's for, what colors are her decor in that room, have her look on pinterest and show you some ideas of what she likes (modern, traditional, etc), and find out how big she needs the quilt. Once you have a basic design, present it to her, along with budget for materials costs, labor costs, and a completion date that won't put you under a deadline you can't handle.

3. Cost - this is both cost of materials and opportunity cost. Remember economics 101? Opportunity cost is equal to the stuff you'll be missing out on if you invest your time in this project. Be clear with her about how much time you think it will take you. If she is not paying you, set the expectation that it will be done on your terms and not hers and it can take years to complete a quilt. Also, tell her you require payment in advance and if she approves the design payment is not dependant on whether she likes the final product or not. You can't custom order something and then change your mind without suffering some kind of loss.

Why ask questions? If it is to be a gift then make whatever you want it to be. If she is paying for it then you choose the pattern and she selects the fabric. I give very few, if any at all, options when making a quilt for someone.

I think you can look at it two ways. If you absolutely don't want to make her a quilt and/or don't think she would value it, then get tough and say I don't have time, sorry. If you want to make quilts without being dictated to or on a timeline then say come with me and pick out one fabric you like and I will build it from there and you will see it when it gets done but I can't give a definite time when it will be complete because it is a creative process.

Do you have any quilts already made that you could offer her? I know that I have a few just collecting dust that I never Use and no longer cherish. I would get input on colors then make a simple DP9. IF you are so moved. People really dont need to be involved in "choices" besides the colors. Otherwise it will get complicated. If she as admired a specific quilt that you have made, perhaps that would be a starting point. Keep requests simple. Or decline. Your choice always.

sandy

I usually just ask for color choice and size. If I don't really want to make one, I just tell the person I will add them to the bottom of my to do list which is always changing. Iay at some time be willing to work on one for this person. Otherwise they keep moving to the bottom

I usually turn down requests by saying I have a long list of quilts to make, so won't have time. This is a true statement too. I have made quilts for my kids and grandkids. All except one I have chosen the patterns and fabric myself. I did allow my grandson to pick his pattern from patterns I have collected. I have made quilts for a few friends, but it is always a surprise from me with the fabric and pattern of my choice. Quilting is my joy, and I don't want to be stressed with deadlines or specific requests. My kids usually claim a quilt if they see it before I finish making it. I have been able to keep very few of my quilts.

I met a lady in line while waiting for my fabrics to be cut at M&L Fabrics. She was doing a commission quilt for an engineer and he was being very particular with what colors she uses. He took a picture of a quilt in Japan. She says he will pay big bucks but not my thing anymore.

Anna, I just wanted to say Welcome to the Board.

When I want to make a quilt for someone I try to find out what colors they like. Then I try to pick a pattern from my bucket list. That way I get to try something new and do it for someone else. One thing I don't do is plan for a certain size. People will get cuddle quilts or couch quilts and sometimes a queen-size IF that is what it turns out to be.

HI, Anna - I am also welcoming you to this board!

I am a little confused by what you are asking -

Your heading says "sister-in-law requested quilt" and then you have a "Aunt Anna, - - - "

Is your sister-in-law (SIL) asking for a quilt for her daughter (your niece)?

Or is this quilt requested for your SIL by someone else?

What is the age of the person that the quilt is being requested for/by?

Is this person wanting a gift or is this something the person is willing/expecting to pay for?

My sister asked me to make her a quilt, which I was happy to do, but told her to buy the fabric, as I had no idea what her taste would be. She bought some fabric, which consisted of panels of contemporary cats. I don't like working with panels at the best of times, and the fabric was something I would never have chosen but it was her choice so I made her a quilt, having contributed the backing, sashing and wadding myself. She was absolutely thrilled with the result so in the end I had the satisfaction of knowing that my hard work had paid off. Lesson learned though.

The best luck I had was to tell them I wouldn't make them a quilt, but I would help them make one for themselves. If they wanted to make one they wouldn't ask you, so that usually shuts them down and you have offered something so they don't feel bad for asking, but you will likely never hear any more about making them a quilt.

I have volunteered but never been asked. Although my DD cruises the quilt lab when she is home and points out anything she thinks is looking good and asks 'anybody got dibs on that one?' LOL That is the kind of 'giving quilt' you want to make! :) Just like you said ' anything you make I will love'. That is the essence of a gift from the heart!

Once you start asking what they like in colors and prints, they may get the idea they are in charge of the design, and all the fun goes out of it. Maybe then you suggest you could get a nice comforter for half the price at Macy's! Or maybe an electric blanket?

She is asking for a substantial gift. Unless you want to give it, don't make it. I gave a Christmas quilt to a cousin who then hinted she would like another with a specific themed fabric. No offer to find the fabric, pay for anything, etc. I never got around to that one.

Whenever someone hints at a quilt, I tell them to buy me a yard of a focus fabric in colors and that they love. Then I'll make a quilt similar to the fabric. Well, to date, I have never received a yard of fabric. See, it's too much trouble for them to go to the fabric store much less spend "their" money to buy fabric. I don't promise to use their fabric, just the colors.

Welcome to the board. Pretty much every opinion has been expressed already. It really comes down to whether you are close to your sister-in-law or not. It also depends on how she is going to care for it. My one sister carefully brainwashed every thing I give her. My other sister throws everything into the washer and dryer. The first sister gets as elaborate of quilting as I can manage. The second, tied quilts or meander quilting that's done in a day or two. This is not because I object to sister using washer and dryer, but because the fancy quilting tends to get beat up with repeated beating up.

My prerequisite for quilts is a thanks for the first one. I have 2 sisters and a niece that will never receive another quilt due to the fact I never received a thank you…Plus, I have one sister that wants a king size bed quilt for her new condo, but doesn't what to pay...not happening. I gave her a price for one that she liked, she told me I was pricing myself to high. I
gave her names of quilter in her area. Told her to try and match my quote. I guess, now, I'm the mean sister...LOL.

I have gone the "I would love to, there are several ahead of you but you are definitely on the list!" Hint - that list will never change.

Another great idea!!

What a great response! I get asked quite often, "What would you charge to make me a quilt?".
And I expect what they're really asking is "Will you make me a quilt no charge?"
I usually go with the flow...I've made a few for some people I'm really close to, and give them for a birthday, etc.
What makes my flow "interrupted" is when I'm asked to make something, and it's immediately followed by, "It shouldn't be THAT difficult, right??

My favorite exchange about making a quilt, went something like this-
"Oh, what a pretty quilt, make me one?" My answer was "sewing is my hobby, not my business." Her response- " it would only take you a little time, and since you already have so much fabric, it would be free to do"! Really? Did she think the fabric fairy gave it to me? My thought was "(I paid something for every piece of fabric I own, ecept for the christmas fabric I inherited from Grandma. The only free quilt I have ever heard of is from a charity, and no you can't have one of those either... )" Some people's children....

My response to someone who asked me if I made purses for others (as she admired my large tote). Smiling sweetly, I replied " i have 8 hours of labor in this tote". She hid her face and said. "NEVER MIND!" She and I are friends and she was kidding in her responce. And she fully got it!

Her reaction to it made me WANT.to make her a purse after that! But so far I have not. It was fun.

sandy

Ask for color preference, size and if they have a specific pattern in mind. If not, just make what you like in the size that is asked for.

[QUOTE. It also depends on how she is going to care for it. My one sister carefully brainwashed every thing I give her. My other sister throws everything into the washer and dryer. [/QUOTE]

i really got tickled visualizing brainwashing a quilt!! LOL, thanks for making my day! ;o)

I have found what works for me is to say no, it definitely results in a positive experience, JMHO!

I make quilts on my own (ever changing) schedule. And just because I've found the perfect set of fabrics already doesn't necessarily mean your quilt will be finished next. I often hop from one project to another seemingly at random. Even if yours is already a completed top and is ready to be quilted it may still be awhile (or maybe not) before that happens. Just depends. . .

When they ask "how much would it cost to make a quilt.?" I say.
"Well, the top of the quilt will need __ x $10 per yard. The back..... The batting... And it will take over ___ hrs to make. If they are quick in math, just multipling x 10 scares the off. That usually changes the conversation.

I have 3 categories of quilts that I make. #1 I purchase all materials and give the quilt as a gift #2 I purchase all materials and give the quilt for material cost only (usually close family) or #3 Customer pays for all fabrics up front and pays labor upon completion (no pay labor, no get quilt). Like most have said, if the recipient has to pay for all the fabrics, it usually shuts their mouth and their wallet, no more requests!

First, welcome to the Board! Hopefully we haven't discouraged you from ever making quilts for others--but also it's apparent that all of us have had requests that didn't work out real well, either. So your question is certainly a good one!
From your post, it's hard to tell if you want to make her a quilt or are basically stuck on how to tell her "no". Several others have given you the answer to saying "no"--I usually will site the cost of fabric and other supplies that they would need to make and also explain where their quilt may be in line with my other projects, and that ends the discussion rather fast.
BUT, if you want to make her a quilt, then I suggest you give her a couple of pattern choices (no more than 3) that you'd be willing to make, and then take her to a shop and have her purchase the fabric. And be sure to give her an estimate of how many weeks/months this might take. And if you do not do your own quilting, be sure to explain up front that it will be sent out to a long armer and give her the estimate on what it would cost. If she balks at all that, then next time you need to give her a gift, give her a quilt you've done and she'll love it.

Short and to the point !
Sandy

Do you WANT to make her a quilt? If not, remember you are not required to make anything for anyone at any time for any reason. The ball is in your court. Just smile sweetly and say NO.

I have been hinted at, inquired of and outright requested to when it comes to making a quilt for others. I always give a stock answer which includes one or more of the following responses.....I sew when I feel like it, my time is valuable, I give my finished quilts to people they (the quilts) remind me of and only to those I know will appreciate the hundred or so hours that go into the making. If this makes me sound a bit calloused or nasty, I'm sorry, but at my age, I have finally learned I just cannot make everyone happy. I worked all my life for this precious time to enjoy my life and that's just what I'm doing.

I was asked by a previous co-worker if I would make a baby quilt for expected first grandchild. I told her that she would have to buy all of the materials ... including batting, backing (funny how one who doesn't sew quilts forgets about the backing material!) and thread. Then I told her I would only charge her $125 to make the quilt. Also told her the time frame I needed to do the quilt. She agreed and selected a pattern. I went over the pattern with her and she made a list of what she needed to buy. Well time went on and I hadn't heard from the woman, so I emailed her to see how she was doing with her fabric hunt. At that point I even offered to help her shop for the fabric. I also reminded her that time was getting short. The reply I received was that she didn't have time to shop for the fabric and she wouldn't be able to pay the $125. I thanked her for her reply and to tell the truth ... was very happy I put things in her ball park. I may be retired and I may love making quilts, but I don't like it when people assume you have nothing else on your plate. That you are just waiting for someone to ask you to make a quilt and you jump.

My opinion, if you really want to make this particular quilt, is that you have your SIL buy everything for the quilt & pay you labor. You wanting to make a gifted quilt is another story, but this is a requested quilt ... not a gift.

Good luck to you!

One more thing Anna ... a BIG welcome to the board! You'll love it here!!

Debbie C .... I love your response! Especially your last sentence. Right on!

I had a very dear friend ask me to make her a beautiful queen size quilt for $25. I was a new quilter so I told her that I needed to practice much more before I made anyone a quilt. Just because someone asks for a quilt does not mean you have to make them one. I have had several veiled remarks made, but I just let them slide right off me. When I make quilts for others, I choose fabric and pattern, but I know it is basically the colors they want.