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Originally Posted by Glassquilt
You have permission from all of the members above to listen to yourself. Nobody needs to go to a group with people whose outlook is so different from their own.
If you don't feel comfortable speaking about it, write it down, put it in envelopes, seal them and hand everyone a copy as you leave. Very hard to dismiss your insightful comments when written. It will give them something to think about & talk about. It may open their eyes. If it doesn't you're better off without them. Forming a new group is an excellent idea. |
I would not want to be around such negativity! Sounds like they need to get over themselves and concentrate on helping others. Therein is great reward! Why don't you and your friend who shares your thoughts start your own little group.
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Originally Posted by susie-susie-susie
It seems to me that you will loose nothing if you bring it up the the hostess/organizer. It sounds like she is getting fed up with the complaining since she is usually so quiet at the meetings. If I am wrong, you will loose nothing since you are ready to quit anyway. Then you can begin another group and eliminate the complainers/nasty ladies. There was no excuse for that person to jump all over you that way. Good luck, and speak up for yourself. It's not worth the agrivation just to improve your applique.
Sue |
if it were me, I would stop going. If the organizer called and asked why I stopped coming to the group, simply tell her the truth - it's negative and stressful, and I feel shut out. Tell her thanks for the invite, but I don't feel like I belong there.
Before I left I also, as several have said, would take those few aside who seemed helpful and upbeat and get their numbers and discuss a new small group with them, but, don't feel bad if they stay where they are. They might have a loyalty to even the most cranky members. Maybe you could start your own group, maybe post a notice at your fav fabric shop, or in a local shopper. You could set the agenda and really keep people on track. Also, you could have a set small number of people in the group to keep it controllable. It might be the organizer of your group has just lost cotrol of it and can't find a way to ask the whiners to just shut up. I left a group where I'd paid dues for a year but we just werent doing anything and one person was really bossy (quilt police!) and I was uncomfortable going. sharet |
Originally Posted by MellieKQuilter
I say stop going. Negativity begets negativity... why not host something in your own home once a month? This way you can invite the few that are pleasant and helpful (and worl on your own but get help during this time), and you all can help each other at this event. Make it a Saturday Social or something, and keep it small and enjoyable. I would bet the others would love it! :) Just keep in mind, no complaining about the other ladies. Start fresh and keep this POSITIVE. :)
I've been a member of a quilting group for over 20 years where all the others are at least 20 years older than I. When the talk gets going on who's ill or who died lately, I just cheerfully suggest that we should get onto a more cheerful subject please. And there's always someone who backs me up. |
I say stop going as well. just find a different group. I belong to a wonderful bee and we all get along laugh and we are honest with each. You just go find another one. Join a quilt then a bee from there if you don't know anyone in another bee now. NEVER ever stay around people that don't inspire you or treat you well. the world is hard enough with out them treating you that way also. best of luck to you
Dawn |
I would quit. You are wasting too much time being miserable. Working on your projects is suppose to make you happy. None of us has enough time for the things we love to do. I would waste no more.
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I find this in my area also. It wasn't worth it so for now I depend on people in quilting forums.
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Originally Posted by gaevren
Pull the ladies you DO like aside one by one and ask them for their phone numbers- say that due to a scheduling conflict you won't be able to make the Bees anymore but that you would love to keep in touch and possibly get together again.
That way at the very least you don't lose them and you don't have to put up with the negativity anymore. And you could start your own small group if you wished. Cheers, K |
Absolutely get out!!!! Personally, I have enough troubles of my own without listening to other peoples nonsense - and that's what whining is - nonsense.
Our own quality time is limited, so why waste it with people who like to complain? I chose to be happy whenever possible and friends help make you happy. I would go to the hostess after the meeting and tell her that you won't be coming for a while, for peronsal reasons, but that you'd like to keep in touch with her - that you enjoy your relationship with her, and that you will miss her. If she presses it, you can tell her that the negativity is starting to get to you. Don't change your mind. Your mental health is so much more important than belonging to this group. Not all older women are complainers and whiners. You and your one friend will have a wonderful time learning from and teaching each other. |
Positive Attitude Changes Everything!!!!!
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Originally Posted by Riebejamen
(hopefully this is the right spot to ask for advice!)
I belong to an Applique Bee that meets once a month at a specific member's home. The Bee moved from the quilt store, where anyone was welcome to a now limited number. I've belonged to this Bee for 2 1/2 years. All of the ladies are older than I am (10-20 years). It seems that all they do is complain and whine. And many topics are over my experience. When I made a comment about the local show and asked for opinions, I was abruptly told that "we don't discuss whining and complaints." Why is it ok for them, but not me? I also hear the same health and food allergy complaints month after month by another member. Is it my age? These women have known each other for years, and don't seem to be good friends, and everyone thinks that their version is the best. There are two members that have helped me improve my applique technique greatly. Both are award winning. I am reluctant to loose them. There haven't been any other appliquers that have helped me, except these two. One is the organizer, the other the hostess. Do I bow out and continue on my own? I really like the hostess, do I ask her how she handles the group conversations? I have no idea how she feels about the topics. She is usually very quiet during the Bees. There are two of us in the Bee that that feel this way. My friend is probably going to stop coming. I feel ignored and frustrated and surrounded by women who complain for several hours and show little interest in others. I don't know how to even bring this up to the organizer, she's shot me down a few times. I am torn, I have advice available, and I do get a few hours to focus on my current project, but do I stay or do I go? Thanks. |
Originally Posted by gaevren
Pull the ladies you DO like aside one by one and ask them for their phone numbers- say that due to a scheduling conflict you won't be able to make the Bees anymore but that you would love to keep in touch and possibly get together again.
That way at the very least you don't lose them and you don't have to put up with the negativity anymore. And you could start your own small group if you wished. |
Originally Posted by yonnikka
A starting point is selecting a different time of the day or a different day of the week when you and your one friend can meet together, maybe re-contacting the shop where it all began, for a location. A new group of two can grow to three or four with less complainers and less complaints. You can do it.
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Start a new group and don't put up with rudeness. I think you should plan a nice intimate get together and just have a good time. Life's too short. :thumbup:
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Originally Posted by MellieKQuilter
I say stop going. Negativity begets negativity... why not host something in your own home once a month? This way you can invite the few that are pleasant and helpful (and worl on your own but get help during this time), and you all can help each other at this event. Make it a Saturday Social or something, and keep it small and enjoyable. I would bet the others would love it! :) Just keep in mind, no complaining about the other ladies. Start fresh and keep this POSITIVE. :)
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if you can express your opinion to them then what kind of group are they? I guess that is why I travel with an ipod. we have sewing days for our guild and I go, put my headphones on and go off to my own little world. Good luck with your group and whatever you decide.
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Originally Posted by Kehoeta
Originally Posted by QuiltnNan
if you hit your thumb with a hammer, would you keep hitting it? if it's not fun with them, don't do it with them. quilting should be fun.
Nancy is right - lose the negativity - it is already wearing you down - or you wouldn't be asking the question. |
Originally Posted by Tartan
Doesn't sound like an Applique Bee to me. Sounds like a Stitch and Bitch! If you are not enjoying your time there, it's time to go. If you've already talked to the organizer and she didn't address your concerns, not much use talking to her again. Try to surround yourself with positive people not negative. Life's too short to be miserable!
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This is a lesson learned the hard way: life is too short to waste on negativity! If you spend time on that, then you won't have as much time for positive and healthy interactions. And putting up with this group seems to be a waste and may be even doing your self esteem and outlook harm.
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i would stop going and find another group and ask your other friends if they would like to join you
it sounds like you are not happy being there so why go thru there drama |
Originally Posted by pal
Not all older women are complainers and whiners. You and your one friend will have a wonderful time learning from and teaching each other.
The negativity in your bee is definitely not an age thing. |
I would probably leave BUT if you decide to stay, sit near the hostess where you can learn something. I don't know about you but when I am concentrating on something, I can pretty well block out everything around me. If the hostess is quiet most of the time, you two would make a good sewing pair. Good luck on your decision.
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I personally would stop going. When you are around people like that it tends to bring you down, and then it is impossible to have a good time. Would be great if you and the other lady that you are friends with could get together and start your own.
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Originally Posted by MellieKQuilter
I say stop going. Negativity begets negativity... why not host something in your own home once a month? This way you can invite the few that are pleasant and helpful (and worl on your own but get help during this time), and you all can help each other at this event. Make it a Saturday Social or something, and keep it small and enjoyable. I would bet the others would love it! :) Just keep in mind, no complaining about the other ladies. Start fresh and keep this POSITIVE. :)
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For me, with all the negative comments coming your way, and the negative atmosphere of the entire group, I would say to join another group or start one on your own. Since it is no longer fun, even though you have had the advice of some, maybe they are just as tired of all the negativity and would like to start another group.
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I cancelled my membership to the local quilt guild, it was close and had wonderful quilters, but no one would talk to me, except one older member and no one included me in their subgroups. I am usually very gregarious and love to make new friends but they spent the entire meetings bickering and there was no socializing, so I wrote a nice email explaining the reason I was quitting and joined another guild that made me feel welcome. I understand they started a welcoming committee after that. I may try them again in the future!
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Your predictament makes me wonder why they left the quilt shop setting. Perhaps they were asked to leave? Due to the negative conversations? It doesn't sound like the conversations I would want to hear at a quilt shop.
Good luck with your decision. |
I think you should stop going to that group. As some have mentioned, maybe you can get another one started where you initally began, LQS, and bring your friend with you.
I was a member of a nation wide group, but did not care for the people that were organizing the local chapter. It did feel like a "clique" where I was an "outsider". It seemed like people were just thinking of a reason to "B..tch" and if there was not one, they would invent it! It's funny because I heard I was in the middle of some "issue", and had never even heard about the issue! I join groups to have fun, make friends, and enjoy my project. If it's not working, it's time to get out. |
If its no fun, dont go. Take a new class at the LQS, one that is several weeks long so you can get to know some fellow students. Then invite a few to continue to learn the subject. Invite some that you can learn from and some that you can help. Serve some cookies and coffee. Keep it light and friendly and focused.
Beth |
Starting your own group sounds like the solution. I would talk to the hostess in private and express your feelings and perhaps she would be willing to give you tips or come in and help when problems arise.
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Originally Posted by Limey
Originally Posted by Glassquilt
If you don't feel comfortable speaking about it, write it down, put it in envelopes, seal them and hand everyone a copy as you leave. Very hard to dismiss your insightful comments when written. It will give them something to think about & talk about. It may open their eyes. If it doesn't you're better off without them.
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Going, going, GONE!
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go every other month. still keeps you in touch with the kind ladies that actually teach you skills but don't have to deal with the "organ recitals" as often!
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Your story sounds like one or two that I have had and have seen others go through.
It is really hard to belong to a group that is well established. I can't tell you to go or not to go. You have to weigh the odds. I have a BFF that also is experiencing the same thing. So far she has hung in there. She just doesn't go as often to the group. I thnk she needs a little interaction with others. It does help to keep our spirits up. They may change their attitudes not seeing you at the meetings all the time. It may help them. Some people tends to wonder about others when they are not present and then glad to see them when that person shows up. |
You and the other gal start a group of your own.
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Sounds more like a "stitch & bitch" than applique bee!
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Originally Posted by rosemary krupski
I would probably leave BUT if you decide to stay, sit near the hostess where you can learn something. I don't know about you but when I am concentrating on something, I can pretty well block out everything around me. If the hostess is quiet most of the time, you two would make a good sewing pair. Good luck on your decision.
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Originally Posted by MellieKQuilter
I say stop going. Negativity begets negativity... why not host something in your own home once a month? This way you can invite the few that are pleasant and helpful (and worl on your own but get help during this time), and you all can help each other at this event
. Make it a Saturday Social or something, and keep it small and enjoyable. I would bet the others would love it! :) Just keep in mind, no complaining about the other ladies. Start fresh and keep this POSITIVE. :) |
Originally Posted by susie-susie-susie
It seems to me that you will loose nothing if you bring it up the the hostess/organizer. It sounds like she is getting fed up with the complaining since she is usually so quiet at the meetings. If I am wrong, you will loose nothing since you are ready to quit anyway. Then you can begin another group and eliminate the complainers/nasty ladies. There was no excuse for that person to jump all over you that way. Good luck, and speak up for yourself. It's not worth the agrivation just to improve your applique.
Sue |
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