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I want to make a memory quilt using my late husband's clothes, but my daughter doesn't want me to. She just to throw them away. I think she trying to forget about her father completely. I also need to know what is the best pattern to use in making the memory quilt. Thank you all in advance!
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If you want to make a memory quilt out of your deceased husbands shirts, please do so, regardless of how your daughter feels. Just about any pattern will do. If he wore mainly tee shirts, then you would need to stabilize the shirts before working with them. I'm making a memory tee shirt quilt for a friend of mine right now. I'm sure that you'll get lots of suggestions, but what it all boils down to is what YOU want.
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Elaine,
First of all I want to extend my sympathy on the loss of your husband. I'm sorry your daughter doesn't agree with you about using his clothes in a quilt. Maybe it would be better if you packed the clothes up for a little while and then when your daughter has had time to heal a little more she may be more open minded about your idea. There have been many discussions on the board regarding memory quilts - if you want to take a look at them, go to the top of the page, click on search and type in memory quilt and a long list will come up. I have not made a memory quilt so I can't suggest a pattern. I would like to suggest trying to incorporate some of your husband's handwritting into the quilt. Maybe by tracing something he wrote onto fabric and embroidering the words. There are so many things that are totally unique to people -- their voice, smell, habits and quirks --- their handwritting is one trait that you can capture and keep. |
I think you should make a quilt too. I wish I was quilting when my husband died - my Dad too. It would have made my memories even brighter! If your daughter opposes you, I just would not make a big deal about it - how old is your daughter?
Any pattern would work or like pocoellie said a tee shirt quilt would be nice too. |
I'm very sorry for the loss of your husband.
How old is your daughter? If she is grown, I would say make the quilt- if she is young, I would say help her through the grief by holding off on making it. People all grieve differently. I don't think she is trying to pretend he didn't exist- but sometimes reminders (the quilt, for instance) will only open the wound more than help it to heal- for her perhaps. Good luck... my thoughts and prayers go out to you today! |
So sorry for your loss. Tell you daughter it isn't about her. It's about you. Make the quilt and don't mention it again to her.
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My daughter is 28 years old, but I live with her. My husband passed away in October of 2008. At the time my mother also passed away. They passed about week from each other and around my daughter and oldest son's birthday. My husband never wrote much, but he did make me one valentine card when my youngest son was about 4 years old and I still have it maybe I can use it somehow.
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I am so sorry for your loss.
He was your husband and you should do whatever you want with his clothes. To me, it would be very comforting to piece them together into a quilt to keep "me" warm. Making it and using it is going to trigger happy moments. Wjhat could be better than that? And remember, your daughter is trying to handle her grief, too. But, ultimately it's your call---you are the wife. |
Make the quilt. Later when you are gone, your daughter will have a great memory of both of you.
As for the Valentine, maybe you can scan some part of it onto cloth for the quilt. |
Good suggestions from the other quilters. Since you live with your DD it would be difficult to make the quilt without her seeing it so maybe the best thing to do right now is to put your husband's things away. As time passes you'll know when it's the right time to make the quilt.
Like some of the others, I'm sorry I didn't quilt when DH and I lost our parents many years ago. Lost a brother and sister a few years ago but didn't have access to their old clothes so I made some quilts and donated them in their names to their church's community outreach programs. |
Originally Posted by BellaBoo
So sorry for your loss. Tell you daughter it isn't about her. It's about you. Make the quilt and don't mention it again to her.
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I once made a memory quilt of a friend for his mother out of his jeans and tee shirts. I borrowed a stack of photos of him throughout his life and transferred them to photo fabric and placed them in the quilt. His mother looks at the quilt, and smiles. I think of my friend when I quilt because of the memory quilt.
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My husband passed in 08 also. I have many of his shirts packed away with plans to make a quilt someday but not ready yet. Why not pack them away for awhile and then make the quilt. Please don't let her convince you to give them away, then you won't have that choice. We each seem to grieve in a different manner. My daughter refuses to even mention him yet he meant everything to her. She can't even talk about him yet.
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I'm so sorry for your loss.
Here's a question I have. Is your DD opposed to a quilt made out of his clothing or a memory quilt? What I perceive as a memory quilt is something with his picture, etc. Maybe this is what she is visualizing and having a problem with. What if you just made a quilt from his clothes to comfort you with his love? |
Originally Posted by Elaine Hewes
I want to make a memory quilt using my late husband's clothes, but my daughter doesn't want me to. She just to throw them away. I think she trying to forget about her father completely. I also need to know what is the best pattern to use in making the memory quilt. Thank you all in advance!
http://www.quiltingboard.com/t-28544-1.htm |
I also wished I quilted when my father passed. Everything of his was sent to Goodwill. I would have loved to have a quilt done with his shirts (really a plaid kind of guy when not wearing his uniform). I really like the Smokey Mountain Stars quilt.
So I would go ahead and make the quilt. Is it not time to make yourself happy? I won't bother mentioning again. Just do it. |
I really don't know what she opposed to the quilt or what, but maybe I will wait for a while. She doesn't talk about him or visit his grave since his funeral. I know everyone grieves differently. Thank everyone, you help alot.
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this is a very hard decision to make. when my df died, my mother wouldn't let anything that belonged to him go. it made her very depressed and unable to go on with life, but she felt she needed to look at his things all the time. we tried to convince her to keep some small things to remember and maybe donate the rest to a charity that he would have liked. she was in a depression for way too long, more than two years, but in the end she did as suggested. she still 'had' him, but she felt much better. no one expected her to forget him. but she, and you, have memories that are much more comforting. when she finall died she had been happy again for a long time even though she had a box of his personal small things in her dresser drawer to look at and remind her of their love.
your daughter had a different relationship to her father. you can't expect her reaction to be the same. she may be unable to deal with her father's death yet. the time will come when it comes. be patient. she doesn't have your memories of him, after all. |
Grieving the loss of a loved one is a very personal matter and it appears that you and your DD are handling the process very differently. I do not think she has the right to tell you what you should do with your husband's belongings. If making a quilt keeps him close to you and gives you comfort, by all means - make a quilt.
(There is a company that makes teddy bears out of shirts as keepsakes with a lovely poem attached in the label.) If your DD does not want to be present when you work on the quilt, that would be her choice. Once the quilt is made and she does not want to see it, you can keep it out of her sight. I don't know how many clothes your DH had or how many you plan to use, but may be to make your DD feel better, you could presort - pull out what you plan to use and let her toss (or donate) the rest. Sounds like the best of both worlds - given the sadness of the situation. |
Originally Posted by butterflywing
this is a very hard decision to make. when my df died, my mother wouldn't let anything that belonged to him go. it made her very depressed and unable to go on with life, but she felt she needed to look at his things all the time. we tried to convince her to keep some small things to remember and maybe donate the rest to a charity that he would have liked. she was in a depression for way too long, more than two years, but in the end she did as suggested. she still 'had' him, but she felt much better. no one expected her to forget him. but she, and you, have memories that are much more comforting. when she finall died she had been happy again for a long time even though she had a box of his personal small things in her dresser drawer to look at and remind her of their love.
EDITED TO ADD: i'm sure that her father wouldn't have wanted her to feel this way. he would have wanted her to be at peace with what is. your daughter had a different relationship to her father. you can't expect her reaction to be the same. she may be unable to deal with her father's death yet. the time will come when it comes. be patient. she doesn't have your memories of him, after all. |
I have a friend who made a lap quilt for someone out of her husband's favorite shirts. She included the plackets as sashing and cut square from the shirts, including a few of the pockets (one for his glasses, and one for his pipe). We all thought it was a great idea and it was like having a little of her husband with her. You could even put the valentine in a pocket.
Memories are wonderful things to have, especially when that is all you have remaining. Your daughter has not yet reached the age to realize that. Someday she will be happy and thankful to have that quilt and the memories it evokes. |
I am going to wait for a while before I make the quilt with my husband's clothes. I thought maybe later I will be able to talk to my daughter about it again and another reason I think I'll wait I really think I am ready yet,because I started to go through them again and I couldn't finish. I thought maybe I wasn't ready either.
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I made a memory quilt for my Mom when my Dad passed away. I used his clothes but since there were so many plaids I used alot of applique and framed photo's. It took me a year to make and then I had trouble parting with it. My Mom now has it and cuddles with it and she said its very comforting to her. I think if it would be a comfort to you, you should make it!
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My husband passed away a year ago. I cut his shirts apart from when he used to wear them. I am going to make a quilt using the fabric along with some pictures as a memory quilt. I haven't been able to work on it yet, but I will when I am ready. I understand your not being ready yet. There is no rush. Take your time. I also think your daughter is not ready yet to understand. It will take time. When you are ready, and if she is still not ready to deal with things, I would do what I need to do and not push the issue with her. The time will come when she is ready and she will appreciate the quilt much more.
Good luck, Vicky |
I would like to suggest trying to incorporate some of your husband's handwritting into the quilt. Maybe by tracing something he wrote onto fabric and embroidering the words. There are so many things that are totally unique to people -- their voice, smell, habits and quirks --- their handwritting is one trait that you can capture and keep.
What a wonderful idea! Thanks. |
Originally Posted by Elaine Hewes
I want to make a memory quilt using my late husband's clothes, but my daughter doesn't want me to. She just to throw them away. I think she trying to forget about her father completely. I also need to know what is the best pattern to use in making the memory quilt. Thank you all in advance!
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I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm with everyone else--do what you want. We all grieve differently, and we all have different needs. We all want to remember our lost loved ones in different ways. Your daughter has her way, but you have a right to yours as well.
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I am so sorry for your loss. I'm just chipping in with an idea. If your husband shirts are cotton button ups and you are thinking of a quilt, there was a book that came out about 18 months ago. It has patterns for making quilts from old shirts. I can't think of the name of it, maybe someone on this post can.
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My sympathies on your loss. Please do what your heart tells you to do.
If your husband wore ties there are lots of patterns available that use the ties for a memory quilt. I know there are even a few books with these patterns. |
Elaine, as others have said - I am so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel because I lost my DH this past Sept. I've done nothing with his clothes in the closet, but I have given it a lot of thought and when the time comes I plan to donate his "good" clothes that others can really get some use out of and for those items that would not benefit anyone else - I will make quilts, pillows and possibly a wall hanging so that it will be something of his, yet no one else will know the history of it therefore they won't take it wrong or express an opinion of any kind, just admire the quilt. The same for his ties, they still hang where they were when he was with me and used them, but eventually they will make a beautiful quilt - most are quite colorful. Each of us grieve different, and having 7 children - trust me when I say they have all handled this differently. You have to do what is best for you and when it is best for you.
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I made a picture out of the last card my dad sent me. I cut it in half and used a photo machine to make a unified photograph of the sides I wanted to see. It's in a frame now.
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Karielt, the quilt you made in memory of your dad is great. The colors are wonderful. I think it is a sweet thing to do.
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Elaine, I am sorry to hear about the passing of your husband and that your daughter is struggling with it. I will keep your family in our prayers. You have asked a sensitive question and you have received lots of good advice. Memory quilts can be such a lovely way to celebrate someones life, I think they are very sweet and can be very comforting. I hope you and your daughter will come to terms on this soon.
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Actually my daughter asked me last night about the quilt. We talk about what we both wanted so what we decided that I will make two wall hanging. She said she rather if I do that the make one quilt. She also gave me another idea. She said maybe I could maybe add something from my parents too. I really like that idea.
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Wow! what a great idea, I am glad she is feeling better about it. Have fun creating.
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you can use any type of matrial you wish.I have a bunch of flanell shirts that were given to me at i'm going to make a quilt out of.
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Originally Posted by Elaine Hewes
My daughter is 28 years old, but I live with her. My husband passed away in October of 2008. At the time my mother also passed away. They passed about week from each other and around my daughter and oldest son's birthday. My husband never wrote much, but he did make me one valentine card when my youngest son was about 4 years old and I still have it maybe I can use it somehow.
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Originally Posted by Elaine Hewes
I want to make a memory quilt using my late husband's clothes, but my daughter doesn't want me to. She just to throw them away. I think she trying to forget about her father completely. I also need to know what is the best pattern to use in making the memory quilt. Thank you all in advance!
I'm so sorry about the loss of your husband. I don't know the best advice for how to handle the situation with your daughter not wanting you to make the quilt, but I definitely would advise you against throwing them away! If she doesn't live with you, I think I'd go ahead and make it and just not have it around until she's ready to see it. If she does live with you, maybe hold off? I don't know. But in any event, hugs to you. |
Originally Posted by Elaine Hewes
Actually my daughter asked me last night about the quilt. We talk about what we both wanted so what we decided that I will make two wall hanging. She said she rather if I do that the make one quilt. She also gave me another idea. She said maybe I could maybe add something from my parents too. I really like that idea.
Whatever you do ... DOCUMENT It!!! So someone else will know all the love that wnet into whatever you do. Then it is truly a 'memory quilt.' |
People "move on" in different ways....
Make a quilt for yourself and don't let your daughter see it during your quilting time. She may think you are too sentimental by keeping his clothing...So many people try to HELP others but don't really speak their thoughts. Misconceptions seem to be what life is all about. Keep it personally for you to celebrate your loving relationship with your husband. In any case, I saw a beautiful quilt made up of nine inch squares and each square contained the shirt pocket of a man's shirt. In the squares and on the sashing, the buttons from the shirts "floated" around. Since the shirts were all light colors and the sashing was light, it was a very gentle looking quilt. The quilt was actually for the quilter's mother's 80th birthday so the quilter made little muslin "hankies" for each pocket and friends and family wrote birhtday wishes on them! It was so lovely. The back was heavy muslin so people could write on that as well ( with special pens of course.) My daughter's police partner died last year, 31 years old, and I will be making a quilt for his mother using his shirts. It is a lovely way to hold on to the beauty of someone. |
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