It would make me feel bad to hurt someone after she put all that work into her quilt. Just say it must have been a lot of work and is colorful!!!

I hope I could always find something positive to say. Even if it isn't in your tastes you could always ask why they chose that pattern or fabric or ask some question about the quilt background. That alone could give you some insight and apprciation for that quilt that you are looking at. Might even change your opinion.

I always try to say something nice about anyones projects, since mine may not be to their liking either.

However, I do have a problem with someone trying to pass off someone else's work as their own. I have seen this done at a quilt show and know for a fact that this person did NOT make the one quilt that they were saying that they did!! The quilt that they DID make, not all the fabric was caught in every seam. :( I really felt bad for her, until I saw her and she said "how do you like this quilt that I made?" I could tell that her ex-mother in law had made it. I saw the ex-mother in law making it. How sad for this person that she would try to do this. :( I DID however have nice things to say to her. In private, I told my DH what she had done but would never say anything bad to anyone about their work.

Mom always said if you dont have anything nice to say don't say anything at all.

If someone shows me a project is mainly someone I know and is expecting my comments. I always say something encouraging. I taught a few of my ex coworkers to sew and when we did show and tell it was all ohhs and ahhs, but when we were at the sewing room I always found a way to teach them. The lady that taught me never criticized my work and the next time we were together she made sure I learned to correct what I did wrong. If I am at a craft show and see bad craftmanship I just keep going. If they are selling it they are proud of what they did and as long as someone is willing to pay for it, who am I to differ?

I'm a teacher and there are times when I have to tell a parent something about a child that is definitely bad news. I always first say something good about the child (yes, always) then give the bad news. Finally, I try to soften the blow by saying something positive about the situation: "He learned a hard lesson but he'll always remember that ______ has it's consequences. You'll never have to deal with this again." If the child is there, I make sure to give him the opportunity to agree.

There are ways to tell people the truth without scaring them for life. Generally people already know the truth but want some kind of affirmation for their efforts. Just saying that can be a kindness: "I can see you worked hard on this, and there are things that I really appreciate about it. If you keep practicing you'll soon be an old pro teaching me some techniques. In the meantime, give me a call if you want some advice or constructive criticism." Gets me off the hook and gives the other person options about the criticism.

And if I hate it/it's not my taste: "I wouldn't think to ________. This gives me something to think about for my own work. Thanks for giving me another perspective."

I try to avoid saying anything negative even if I personally don't like the item for whatever reason. I really don't want to destroy someone's joy in their creation. I agree with several on this thread that it is easier to steer the conversation elsewhere. If forced, I will tell them that it isn't my opinion that counts but theirs. If they are happy, then the project is successful.

Yes!!! :thumbup: :thumbup:

"Not all quilts are up to Padukah standards but they are all special. "

Amen! Encouragement goes farther than criticism. Each quilt is special and loved by someone.

I was always told that if you cannot say something nice then don't say anything at all. It doesn't hurt to smile and say "that's nice".

I feel a person did their best to their ability. If they think its nice, then thats all that matters.

Finding something kind even if you have to reach for it is worth the encouragement it will give the newbie to keep quilting and sewing and to hone their skills or lack thereof. Helping someone to believe they can conquer anything is an important incentive for being kind and helpful if they are open to it. Being a teacher by trade, everyone learns in different ways, different situations and by positive criticism. On that note, I have to say I always attempt to be as honest as possible but not cruel.

I try to remember how poor my skills were when I first started, but I thought every completed quilt was a beauty! Now, those early quilts stay packed away in the closet. I probably should donate them to a shelter. I did give my husband one quilt to take with him when he goes fishing with his cousin. The cousin doesn't believe in turning the heat on in his SUV, so my husband wraps himself up in my poorly assembled quilt.

I am new to quilting and know my skills are not up to par yet. However, I do put alot of time and effort into my work. I feel we are usually are own worst judge kind words tend to keep me moving forward instead of giving up.

I believe the only thing that spews from ones mouth
should be kindness and love for another , not rudeness
as that only shows your mentality. Judge Not Least Ye Be Judged..

Maybe ask her/him to go with you?

You were special for making such a grand remark. I am sure the quilter appreciated the sentiment. After you found out she had Parkinson's, your remark made you feel great, because you were so kind. You both come out on top and felt good.

Carol from NC

we never know ,there's probably of a lot of quilters with disabilities,
my grandson with Down Syndrome has un usually short thumbs, and loves helping me cut fabric now(he's almost 9)he tries so hard but it takes him about 15 minutes to cut one piece,his work isn't done to perfection ,but it is my pride and joy!

My daughter, before birthday or Christmas reminds her son (now 5) that if he doesn't like a gift not to say so but to say politely, "Thank you for the present." After all, he would be hurt if someone told him they didn't like his gift.

I agree!

When someone shows me there work, I always find something good and constructive to say. When a person quilts there is a lot of work that goes into it, and alot of love. And I always ask what the pattern is.

You know my friends love my quilts and say they are beautiful no matter what it looks like. well thanks to a lady that i met on this board, that lives a few miles from me, told me the truth by telling me and showing me how to use my new machine the right way and giving hints about how to do quilting where it comes out even. She goes out of her way for me. She is a very sweet person and has been a great help in my quilting. I suggest the next time you see a really bad quilt,remember we have to start some where and if you can't say something nice about their quilt say nothing at all. Tommye, btw the beautiful lady is kcook on this board.

I agree. I may say that the project is interesting & praise the person for the effort put on making it. I do not want to judge.

There is always something to say that is positive and supportive!! We all need those pats on the back.

It is the time invested by the creator of the product, doing what they enjoy.Compliments are the best.

:thumbup: :thumbup:

I would just try to find something that I liked about their project. :D And offer encouragement to keep on quilting!

As an absolute beginner I was very hesitant to take my first very small project to my quilting class for everyone to see. I was only too aware of every fault that could be seen and a good few that I couldn't. Unexpectedly a very experienced quilter popped in just as the group had come around to my show and tell. I cringed as this lady approached. Her comment "This blue fabric is so pretty. It's really nice to meet someone who loves quilting as much as I do." I couldn't wait to get home and start my next challenge.

I think this is exactly right. Say it is interesting or some such and move on. :roll:

Kind words always!

Just wondering -

If someone ASKS for help in improving his/her skills -

I think it's a kindness to tell/show the person where alternate (better) techniques can be used.

It is a disservice to tell someone that something is wonderful when it isn't.

It is good to be accentuate the positive - but how can a person improve/change - if one has no idea of what is wrong or how the condition can be changed/improved?

It isn't so much "what is said" - as "how it's said"

If the person is fishing for compliments - find one and give it -

If the person truly wants to improve his/her work - then give suggestions IF ASKED FOR.

I was trained that in situations like this, you ALWAYS find something nice to say - then move on. No matter how horrible the project, search until you find something "nice".
"Oh Mary, I love those little bears (pause, looking over the quilt...) beautiful job, beautiful".
You don't know the circumstances of the quilt, it may be her first, it may mean something really special to her, or it be there's nothing that bad about it - it's just not to your liking.
Bottom line, everyone may not be as perfect as you are LOL