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Originally Posted by donnajean
I would call her & ask if she decided on which pieces she wanted. Unless you specifically said you were "giving" all to her, she should at least return what she did not use & offer to pay for something is used.
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Originally Posted by donnajean
I would call her & ask if she decided on which pieces she wanted. Unless you specifically said you were "giving" all to her, she should at least return what she did not use & offer to pay for something is used.
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Maybe the older I get ....
I would call her, ask about the quilt but directly ask her how much she used and if there is any to return, and that y'all need to talk about a price for what she used. Direct, but courtious communication keeps things so much cleaner and keeps resentments from developing and festering. |
I would call her too and ask here what is going on here.
You work to hard for your things to just fly by night to someone else. |
Yes call her. There may be a good reason she has not called you and then again maybe you just need to be compensated for your kindness. Either way you have a right to call and say, how did the quilt turn out. Which peice did you use.
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I would call her and ask how the fabric she received worked out. And what she had come up with on yardage. She clearly did not follow through with her committment. I'd call her on it and if it's going to cause an issue then I would let it go and call it a lesson learned. Sometimes people get busy and forget but a gentle reminder would be in line.
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I would call and ask how the fabric worked out. I have a friend who can just focus on ONE THING at a time, and sometimes this plays out as being inconsiderate when it's really not intended to be. Give her the benefit of the doubt and maybe your call will jog her memory of paying you for the fabric.
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I tend to be a little pessimistic also and would gently remind her that you had agreed that she would pay you for it. I've seen quilters when they think there are freebies and they are like vultures on carrion. At our guild's brown bag auction last year, I bought 25.00 worth of tickets and bid on only three items, one of which was a rail system for FMQ which is worth about 200.00. It had never been opened and there are several ladies in our guild who buy things and then never use them and then bring them to the auction. I didn't get it but when the lady who won it saw how disappointed I was, she came up afterwards and said to the lady in charge that she wanted me to have it. Another lady swooped in right then and took it. I was shocked!!!
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She may have forgotten, but I don't see how she could have thought you were giving it to her. If she said she would measure it and call you so the two of you could agree on a price.........I would have inferred from that she intended to pay you. I, too, get real tired of people not doing what they say they are going to do, just in general, about anything. It gets old. Anyway, I hope you get it worked out.
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I would call, ask about the wedding and the quilt. I'd inquire to see if the fabric worked out, and state that you knew she had been busy with the wedding, but you were wondering how things were going. I'd inquire if nothing else, to see how the reaction goes ... I too am curious how this turned out. Please let us know.
Good luck! |
This has happened to me before, and unfortunately it is just the person.
However, I have become a horrible procrastinator and will put off the simple things even while doing more complex things. Call her, and then the matter can be resolved in your own mind and you can let it go. Susan |
I would call and say "oh I hadn't heard from you yet on how much of the fabric you would need to use on the quilt. How is it turning out?" see how the conversation plays out. And like the other ladies, post how things go, because I'm curious lol.
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I'd just call and ask how the quilt turned out. She may have completely forgotten about paying you if she was really busy with a wedding. And if she says nothing about the $$$, then lesson learned. I try to be optomistic with people. I see the glass as half full, not half empty.
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Definitely follow up, and ask if she decided to use it all, and then when she responds, bring up agreeing on a price.
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i would call her up and ask how much of it she had used , that you would like the left over back because you are thinking of using it and dont want to have to buy some because you might be able to use what she didnt (maybe this will jog her brain)
and she will bring up the fact she still owes you! |
If you don't call her this will weigh on your mind forever. I'm sarcastic and hate confrontation so I would call her and say, "Oh, I'm so glad you answered. I thought you were dead because we agreed that you would call me about the price of the plaid fabric that you got from me and I haven't heard a peep from you." If she says she's sorry, she's been busy with the wedding, and ask how much you want for the fabric, then you'll have your fabric or money. If she says she'll call you back or makes some other excuse then I would somehow remind her that she goes to church with your mother and I guess you will have learned a lesson. Let us know what happens.
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I agree with JanRN. Mention it nicely & hope she is a good person and will come through for you. Otherwise, it's a lesson learned.
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I have a committee in my head that sometimes makes me insane because it will not shut up about whether I should do something or not. It is so easy for them to run amok with all sorts of reasons for whatever is bothering me. I find that only closure on a situation (whether it is positive or negative) will finally quiet them down.
To find closure to your situation, just ask her. You can call her up and invite her over for tea/coffee and ask if she is through with auditioning the fabrics that she took for her quilt. If she says ‘yes’, ask if she can bring back the fabrics she is not using. If her life is hectic, she’ll be glad for a little break in her schedule. If she is a user, it won't bother her that you asked. Users never hear what people are asking when it doesn't coincide with their plans. That is why they can blatantly use people and never have it bother them. If it is an oversight on her part, because there is so much going on with the quilt and wedding plans, she'll be glad you called to remind her. It is so easy when you have a deadline to get blinders on and not remember the things you promised. Communication is so important. Closure helps us to move on, learn from our mistakes (if any were made) and gives us our power back. |
WOW.....did ya call yet???
Life has a way of getting in the way of the best intentions. I would much rather think that someone just got so busy they forgot than to think they wanted to cheat me... I must be blessed, I have only had one encounter with a cheater, (it was a swap) and I have been doing this for a very long time. |
An old saying:
"If you lend someone $20 and never hear from that person again, it was probably a good investment." |
Originally Posted by Born2Sew
Fellow quilters I would love some advice from you folks.
About two months ago I happened to run across a local fellow quilter. She told me she needed some red plaid flannel to finish a quilt she was making for her son's upcoming wedding. Told her I thought I had some and when I got home I pulled out every piece of red plaid flannel that I had. I called her and she was only minutes away at that time and stopped by to see my flannel. She said she'd take it all, and when she got home she would measure it and call me and we could agree on a price. First mistake on my part was calling her before I saw how much was there. Especially since this was not just one piece but several. I just didn't think about her stopping by so soon that day. I haven't heard a word from her since she left that day. Would you...let it go and forget it. or call her and ask how the quilt turned out... or ask if the fabric worked out okay for her... Fact is, I can live with it if she can. I was simply trying to help out a fellow quilter and somewhat of a neighbor although she lives several miles from me. (in the back country) It just bothers me when people don't follow through with what they say they'll do. It really isn't that much about the $$$, it's more about principle to me. Thanks guys, I appreciate your opinions and thoughts. Born2Sew |
I guess the thing about this that sticks out the most to me is -this is her SON's wedding-most mother's of the groom don't have that much to do with planning the wedding--so-I don't think that is the problem. Since she scooped up all of the fabric my guess is she intends to keep it all and hope you never say anything. I think an old neighbor of mine has moved into your area.
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Originally Posted by kathome
An old saying:
"If you lend someone $20 and never hear from that person again, it was probably a good investment." LOL very true !!! Good luck with the outcome :) Can always call and let her know you'l be in the area, can pop in to pick up the remainder, that you need for a project, this may jug her memory that she has all of your stash of this fabric, May offer to drop it back off in town. Yes optimistic, since yes, no perfection seems to be allowed :) |
I would definitely call her. She may have forgotten (although I doubt it) or she may have lost your phone number. Give her a chance. However, when and if you donate something, it should be left up to you to whom you donate to, not left up to the recipient. LOL Good Luck
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There was a time I would have been to embarrassed, but no more.
Guess that makes me officially 'old', lol. It is the principle that you had an agreement. Just in case life has gotten in the way...and that is the only good reason to not call asap when you have somebody else's stuff... I would call and ask if one of them worked and you can't wait to see. It's like somebody borrowing mon-eeeey.... I do hope everything is alright, but you never know. Don't just let it go...it will fester. hiya so and so, how's that plaid workin' for ya? Get anything to work? would love to see... ;-) |
Originally Posted by quilterscorner
I guess the thing about this that sticks out the most to me is -this is her SON's wedding-most mother's of the groom don't have that much to do with planning the wedding--so-I don't think that is the problem. Since she scooped up all of the fabric my guess is she intends to keep it all and hope you never say anything. I think an old neighbor of mine has moved into your area.
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Well, being a person with a very poor memory, I know that I would appreciate a call and a reminder in this situation. I would hate to be left owing someone something that I had forgotten about. Usually just a reminder will do the trick, but sometimes I need to be told plain out... and I don't mind, cuz I would never want to do anyone out of something I owe them.
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Originally Posted by KathyAire
I would just forget. She knows the fabric was yours and she also knows what ya'll talked about. Unless you really need the money for the fabric, just consider it a blessing that you were able to help her out.
I used to think I had to be all sweetness and light too. I am very agreeable, but I wouldn't just "suck it up". Sucking it up, is the same as stuffing it down...ask me how I know???? it sticks! by the way, if I ever hurt somebody, especially a good friend, I hope they tell me right out. I have adhd and am known to get distracted. I'd be sick about hurting someone. |
CALL HER and don't even let her get away with "forgetting" about it -- REMIND her that you did her a BIG favor by even looking for the fabric....If she doesn't come through in some way then put her on the bottom of your "friends" list!!!
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Call her and ask if she has used what she needed and that you will drive by and pick up the remainder to get it out of her way since you know she has been so busy with the wedding. At least it will get her talking. If she doesn't offer to pay, chalk it up to experience and forget it. If she does offer to pay have a price in mind. Good luck.
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Yep, I too am of the mindset to call and find out, with no shame or apologies, just be friendly.
It will give you piece of mind which is priceless. I might be forgetful to remember to bring an item along to return but I never forget that it isn't mine. I realize everyone is not me, duh, but I treat others the way I want to be treated and if there is some confusion/misunderstanding I have to clear it up so it doesn't create further problems. If I find out later that I'm dealing with someone who intentionally borrows with no intent to return/rectify or they turn the story to benefit themselves, then I have just as much "right" to present my point of view and letting them know I'm onto them. I may not get the results I was looking for but I can rest knowing that I made it clear that I know what sort of person they are. Not every confrontation has to be confrontational. |
I would call her and ask her how much material she needed and please return the rest.
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You gals are to nice. I would call and ask if any of the fabric worked out for her. Then I would ask if I could pickup what she hadn't used. This may trigger that she needs to pay you. The least she could have done was call you and say how the quilt turned out. I hate freeloaders. What has happened to manners?
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Originally Posted by justwannaquilt
There is a bunch of optimistic people on this board! When it comes to fellow human beings and their actions I am very pessimistic. I say call her and ask her what the issue is! Maybe she did lose your number, but maybe she also wanted something for nothing!
I too hate when people say one thing and do another. Maybe call her and ask her if she has any plaid flannel, because your making a quilt and could use some! lol See I am mean. |
It's even possible she didn't use any of the fabric and might be reluctant to bring it up in case your feelings might be hurt.
It's perfectly reasonable to call her and say you were thinking of her (true), wondered whether the fabric you contributed was used (also true), and could you arrange with her to retrieve the ones not used (true again). As far as being paid for the fabric she used, I would let that slide. I'd be satisfied to have back the ones not used, my compromise if I felt I wasn't clear enough in the beginning. Once you have called to remind her, she either acknowledges an obligation or she doesn't value your friendship. At that point, you know where she stands - values what you have more than who you are to her. I have a sister with a habit of trying to take advantage of me, and in the end we aren't close. I love her, just don't love the things she does to me. And I can only manage my behavior, not hers. Call her and settle your mind about where you stand, then move forward. |
I would try calling her and ask how the quilt is going and if the red flannel worked out for her.
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What a bummer .... since she hasn't contacted you to say she completed her
project, guess you can take it for granted she is considering your generosity as a "freebie". |
I would call her and asked if the fabric worked out and if not please bring it back and if it isn't all used I would like it back. Thank you
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I would call her and ask to either get the fabric back or the money for it. God bless and Good luck.
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Hmmm...how about going to church with your Mom and "just running into" the woman. Strike up a conversation about the wedding, ask how her quilt's coming and was she able to use any of YOUR fabric? Mention that you would like to have back any of YOUR fabric she didn't use and you could stop by on your way home to pick it up!! Maybe this conversation face to face and hopefully in front of family or friends might help resolve this for you. I guess if she "forgot" she intended to reimburse you she now would have a chance to remember.
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