I have seen alot of stories about people who didn't "appear grateful" for quilts they received. I just thought it would be a good idea to keep in mind...

1. Many people, especially young ones, are very nervous as the center of attention at a wedding/baby shower. A better measure of how much they like a gift/quilt is how much it gets used and what they say about it later.

2. Sometimes we catch people off guard giving them something as a surprise and they are speechless.

I gave my cousin an Irish Chain queen sized quilt at a shower. She barely opened it to look at it but she was so nervous in front of all those people and so time pressured to open everything. She couldn't gush over a quilt and not gush over every single other gift. She later told me how much she loved it. I had also given her a lap sized scrap quilt for her engagement party. She didn't open gifts there, but her now husband came up to me months later and made a comment about how surprised he was that such radically different fabric could make such a cool quilt. (that's why they also got another quilt)

I surprised my aunt with a quilt to thank her for helping me with my son. She didn't say much but later my cousin was "ripping into her" about how she was bragging to others about how she was now a quilt owner!

Now I just assume that everyone I give a quilt to loves the gift.

Great attitude! I think so many people assume that because they are not praised for the work they've done that it didn't mean anything to the receiver. What an assumption and you know the old saying about assuming?

I gave my niece a Christmas table runner for a wedding present and never saw it the whole time they were married. She later remarried and we were at their house for Christmas when she pointed me to the coffee table and asked if it looked familiar. At first I said no but then I realized what it was. It fit their coffee table perfectly and it's been there every year since. Not sure if she used it during the first marriage or if maybe he didn't like it but sure was glad to see it being used.

You are so right. I have had thank you's but the real pleasure was seeing it being used when I would go to the house of the receiver. The quilts had very obviously been washed and babies crawling on them made me happy to know that the effort was well worth it.

It's nice to see the gift you made being used.

In my early days of quilting I made one of my nieces a quilt for a wedding gift. I was hesitant to gift it as it was not perfect....lots of bias issues. 5 years later it was on their sofa front and center. It had a well loved look to it. I she never gushed over it but she certainly used it.:)

Very well said.

Great reminder to all of us (smile). Thank you for sharing.

I don't give as much credence to gushy thank you-s spoken at showers as to the facial expressions & body language. I very much prefer to see the item used.

To me seeing a gift being used is so much better than the receiver gushing over it. Some people just don't gush, I am one of them, it doesn't mean I don't love something.

People who do not quiltor do other crafty things honestly do not understand the amount of thought, time, planning and care that goes into each quilt(except maybe our husbands, and a select few). The joy has to come from us quiltmakers in knowing what we did for our loved ones. I will not give a quilt to someone who I KNOW will not appreciate the work involved. For example, my very best friend does not understand this. She thinks it is a waste of money and time. She won't get one. My kids appreciate my work. Last week I gave my son and future daughter in law a king size quilt at their wedding shower. They said nice things but I would have gotten a much bigger reaction at my guild. But I know they appreciate it. A funny side note.... I wanted to make them a wedding ring quilt... I showed them the pattern and asked them for a color scheme. They were not interested in that pattern at all.... Wow... I said no way will I make that then. They chose an easy fun and done quilt as you go pattern and chose the colors of their wedding..... They didn't know the outcome until the shower. They were thrilled. I guess I will make the double wedding ring for my younger son,.... or maybe even for myself!

My thought is that not everyone likes quilts. And more so, not everyone likes every quilt. I love love love to look at the photos here, but I do not love all the quilts- some are just not my style.

When I make a quilt for a wedding or a baby quilt for folks I don't know well, i always send a note that says, in part:
" I make my quilts to be used. If this quilt is not to your taste, please feel free to pass it along to someone who might enjoy and use it. "

I would rather have them passed along than crammed in a closet for 20 years.

Amen to seeing your gift used ~ no matter what it is. It speaks more than words can say ~ until you see your "gift" being used to cover the dirty motorcycle that is strapped into the back of the pickup truck! There were plenty of words said for that, but fortunately nobody else heard them!

I made the sleepy time quilt and it was not very good (my standers) but it is hanging on the baby's wall front and center they said that any one that can make things like that are great

My wedding shower was grueling - so many presents to open, it took forever. I did try to say nice things about everything, but then they would be shoving something else into my hands to open, and making sure they had the name right of who gave it to me, and I'm sure some things got overlooked. I barely got to glance at some things before they were passing them on.

I do remember one baby shower where the mom received a hand-crocheted set of little lace booties, and there was a pause as the room fell silent and then twenty women said "Awwww" in unison. That had to be a gratifying moment for the maker!

I sometimes tell the person I give the quilt to "if you don't like it I will take it back" I have never gotten a quilt back, but lots of hugs and thank yous.

Healthy attitude, one we should all keep in mind.

But remember a gift is for the recipient, not something to make YOU feel good with their thanks and compliments! I always ask before I do something hand crafted and if they would prefer a gift card, they get a gift card. Life is too short.

Thanks for the different and positive outlook.

We just never know and should never assume.

We never know what someone is really thinking or feeling.

Agreed... a funny story about my stepdaughters baby shower on Sunday...I heard that her aunt or great aunt, I don't know which was complaining to my mother in law (who is in the hospital and didn't attend) how she thought they were NEVER going to finish opening gifts, because after she opened them, she held up each item to show and then had to put each thing away/fold etc....

I am scratching my head over this, because I don't know what the alternate option would be? Open, fling on floor, tear into next gift, and no one gets to see?

If the poor girl had carried on over gifts more than she did (a reasonable excitement over the THIRD bottle brush) we'd STILL be there!!

Good thought to keep in mind.

For me, it's like trying to pick out a piece of art for someone else! I try hard to make quilts for people I think would appreciate them, and in colors and patterns I think they would like. Sometimes this works out, and sometimes it doesn't!

All the responses that I got from the board after this recently happened to me were wonderful and really put things in perspective. Not only did I see many sides of this ongoing issue, but I felt the love from many of you. Thank you! :-D

Nice reminder to assume that the reactions we read are partial and influenced by many factors of which we may not be aware. Best to assume , as you have that they appreciate our handmade gifts.

This is a great post. I see so many who are hurt when their gift isn't received the way they would like. I hope they see this. And when my turn comes, I'll try to keep this in mind.

That's what happened with the Christmas table runner I made for one of the DIL's. Guess she didn't care for it on their dining table but every Holiday season she has it on the coffee table in the living room.

Great post!!
I don't make quilts for anyone but my family b/c I know they will appreciate them. If someone close to me remarks on one I've made I will gladly make them one.
It's not that I get my feelings hurt- for me it's all the time and work involved. I want to know it will be used and enjoyed.
Now that one of my boys is married I make sure my DDIL likes the colors before I make something. It's like art, as someone else said- subjective.

I had an incident with my step-son when he got re-married. I spent months working on a quilt for them and using quality fabric so the cost wasn't "cheap".

They loved it when they opened it, put it on their bed right away....excited to have a hand-made quilt.... all the usual thank you's! It made me happy they liked it.

That winter, at a family funeral (of all things), my step-son asked me if I used Wal-mart batting in their quilt because it wasn't warm.

Not knowing how to respond (partially due to the grieving of my brother-in-law), I just said "you need a little more fat on your bodies and NO NOT Walmart batting". I was so upset and hurt.

Just because we live on a tight Soc.Sec. budget, I wanted to give them a nice wedding gift. Then to hear that, it crushed me.

Bottomline..... no more handcrafted items from me.

My husband's grandmother is an expert quilter. Her work is amazing. A few years ago, I made everyone table runners for Christmas and I was antsy about giving her one since I'm no pro! But she appreciated it. Now, everytime we go visit, no matter what time of year, her poinsetta table runner is on the table and she points it out to everyone and tells them I made it for her! So even if some people don't appreciate my work, that always makes me feel good because I know she could outquilt me any day!

It's so hard to tell from people's posts, but I get the gist that there are some quilters who want to give a handmade gift becasue they love to quilt, and others who make a quilt becasue they want every person at the shower to gush over it. If you (and I don't mean everyone here!) want to give a handmade quilt, then GIVE it, and know that you have done what you WANTED to do. If you want to give a handmade gift just to RECIEVE the amount of appreciation and accolates you think are due you, then give a gift card.

I did attend a bridal shower where they set up an assembly line (literally) with bridesmaids opening the gift, handed gift to bride, bride said, "How nice", then next bridesmaid shoved card back into bag and stacked them. The bride never opened a box or showed anything off. I was never so disappointed. It was like they were trying to get out of there with the loot as fast as they could.
I will never make this couple anything homemade. For her, everything has to be new and "top of the line."

I make quilts for all my kids and grandkids, but never before discussing with them what pattern and colors they would like. Am in the process of collecting 24 different fabrics for my daughter's bargello. She didn't like any of the traditional patterns I showed her, but when she saw the bargello she was excited. Finally! I can't wait to get the remaining six fabrics and get started on it. I make all my quilts to be used and make sure the recipient knows they will stand up to washing/drying. Oldest granddaughter got one this past Christmas in Buckeyes colors and was thrilled, but didn't want to put it on her bed for fear of damage. Once I explained that it would be ok, it's been on her bed ever since!

Ditto.......DD has a quilt & pillows,wall hanging set I made 4 yrs ago.She chose the 2 colors, I chose the pattern.When we visited, I took a nap in the guest room & told my Grson to scoot up here with Grma. He said Mom said not to get on the good quilt.DD & I had a talk about it. The quilt is still there,but has been used. Bout time to make her a new quilt.Please let it be diff colors. LOL

I've been really lucky so far. I've only given a couple of quilts away and they were loved. I have though, given my sister a couple of gifts that even though she thanked me I could tell by her face it wasn't her. After that I told her that if I ever give her anything she didn't like she was welcome to give it to her kids or grandkids and I was fine with that. She said it wasn't that she didn't like what I gave her it just wasn't her style. I was hesitant to make her a quilt but when I found a fabric that I thought she'd like I made a sample of it w/the cathedral window and took it home with me to show her what I was working on. She said now that I like; so guess what she's getting for Christmas. I know she appreciated what I had given her in the past and I know she would have kept them so I wanted to give her the option of getting rid of them to others in the family and having 3 kids and 12 grandkids it was easy to do.

I only read the first page of comments to this thread, but here are my thoughts:
First, yes, it's nice to know your labor of love is appreciated. But I don't do all that work just to get a thank you. The time spent working on a quilt is time loving the recipient. That love is unconditional. It doesn't depend on their thanks. And no matter what their reaction to the gift, I still had the incredible joy of making it. That's my reward.

When I gave my grand daughter (9) a quilt, she loved it and oohed and ahhed over it. Fun batiks, flip flop patterns. I backed it with lime Minky (sp?). I told her to enjoy it and use it.
When I was crawling (ugh) into the back of their GMC (side doors were locked) I had to step over a pile of "stuff" and there was the quilt!!! All rolled up, part of their equipment. But, you know what? I was happy it was being used and, after all, I HAD told her to enjoy it and use it however she wanted to!! I'm sure it was taken to football practices and swim practices and meets.
On the other hand, the quilts I made for my son and DIL's children are strategically showcased in their rooms. To each his own, I say. I'm glad to know they're being used HOWEVER, and each grandchild will eventually have a quilt from Grandma!

I made a wall hanging for my step-daughter and her husband about 5 years ago. I have never seen it since. I had their names on it so they can't gift it to someone else. I often wonder where it is but don't want to ask. Needless to say, they won't get another one.

One other thing to remember is that some people don't use things that they think are precious because they don't want to lose them or wear them out. My sister has a very pretty necklace and earrings made of small rubies that she never wears. Her son gave it to her years ago for a Christmas present. She thinks that it is too precious to wear.

Some people are the same way about the quilts we make. They love them so much they don't want to use them and wear them out.

When DH's Grmother died, we found stacks of Christmas gifts, including a red half slip she'd said she'd always wanted.All were in boxes....what a sad thing. After that,I got over any "too good to use" thoughts I'd ever had.

Great advice. I was in the process of making my daughter a double sided quilt - one side Dresden Plate with hummingbirds embroidered in the middle, and the other side has embroidered hummingbirds, a few cardinals and calla lilies. She loved the second side and said she probably would never have the Dresden Plate showing. Also didn't care for the sashing color, so we went to the store and got a color she did like. Hence I am making two quilts, instead of one that's double-sided (LOL). Lesson learned, and now will ask my son what colors he wants and maybe pattern as well.