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-   -   When a person is "self-quilt-policing" (https://www.quiltingboard.com/main-f1/when-person-self-quilt-policing-t288478.html)

MadQuilter 05-25-2017 10:13 AM

When I ask a question or an opinion, I would like an honest response. I take the advice/answers and opinions into consideration when making my decision.

Sometimes, I suspect just by the way a question is phrased whether the poster really wants constructive input of if they want to be told to leave things as they are. I may forego answering those inquiries. However, if someone asks for an answer or opinion, I tend to give it as constructively as I can.

rryder 05-25-2017 12:45 PM

Lots of times when I've looked at pics where someone asks that question, I have to search really hard to see what it is they are pointing out. Far as I'm concerned if I have to search really hard to see whatever it is, then no, it's not noticeable. Has nothing to do with whether or not I'm dissing the person, or encouraging less than perfect work, just answering the question "is this noticeable".

On the other hand, if the person asks "should I fix this" then they're asking a different question. In that case, my answer depends on whether it's a problem that will affect the quilt's integrity. If so, then yes by all means, fix it. If it's a problem to do with mismatched points, less than perfect quilting, etc. I'm more likely to tell the poster whether it's something I would let go or not and suggest that if it bothers them, then yes but if they think it wouldn't really bother them in the long run, then leave it.

zozee 05-25-2017 12:52 PM

Rob, this has been the case with me sometimes, too. When a person asks, I take the time to look for the "problem." If I can't, I'll say so. (I'm not just "being polite" by saying "no, I don't see a problem." ) Kind of like if someone asks if they have broccoli in their teeth.

Jeanette Frantz 05-25-2017 06:40 PM

I would hesitate to advise anyone of an error they've made for fear I may be wrong -- I'm such a rank amateur when it comes to making quilts. I subscribe to pursuing excellence in any hobby one participates, to knowing in my heart I've done the very best I could (with the abilities I have). I try very hard NOT to stress over anything --- stress is not really good for us. There's not one of us on the face of this earth who is "perfect" in everything we do. So, I say strive for the very best you can do, and leave it alone. If someone asks for an opinion, give it, kindly, and constructively. We cannot live without occasionally offending someone, even if it's not our intent. I know I make a lot of mistakes -- but I'm learning!

Wonnie 05-25-2017 09:33 PM

If my opinion differs from yours, who's right ????


Some won't tell the truth thinking they are sparing your feelings because it's the polite thing to do.

Some respond to everything just to respond.

Some say it doesn't matter if there's a mistake.
.
Some say a mistake when found should pointed out and fixed.

It seems to me that many opinions are based on personal feelings, personal choice of colors, quilt type preferences (traditional, modern, art types, applique, made to be judged, quilting expertise, utilitarian, etc.) If my opinion is asked I'll give an honest answer but, only if I'm asked. And my opinion will be based on my personal choices which may or may not be a valid reason for listening to me. If it was a show quilt that was meant to be judged and I saw a mistake I would probably PM the owner and ask if it was intentional. For me, the place to give encouragemen is more in re to the process of piecing and quilting where experiences you may have had might help another. I, also, agree with others that we all are well aware of our mistakes and, before posting an inquiry as to whether to fix it or not, we know the answer and are only looking for affirmation on our decision.

maviskw 05-26-2017 07:27 AM

Mistakes are much more easily seen in a picture or through the camera lens.

I made a quilt at least 10 years ago of squares, every other one tipped to the right or to the left. That quilt had been in at least four quilt shows/displays and had been on my bed for two years before I noticed that one square was tipped the wrong way. If I had seen that when it was still a flimsy, I might have changed it, but it really didn't matter, did it. I still love it.

pacarnahan 05-26-2017 10:07 AM

My friend asked me if I could find her mistake, I found it. But, it was not the mistake to which she was referring. OOPS, boy was she upset. LOL If there is a mistake on my quilt about which I know and won't fix, I certainly don't point it out!!That being said, the mistake will haunt me, most of the time. To me every quilt has a learning curve and the next one is USUALLY better, but not always.

Rose_P 05-26-2017 05:55 PM

I agree with a lot of what has been said. I'm sure I would respond differently to a friend I know well vs. a stranger online, or at least I would try to gauge from the context how much experience this person has and how serious a problem it would be to fix. If an item is already quilted and bound the best answer might be, "If it bothers you, applique something over it or put it on the bed in such a way that the pillows are on top of it, if possible."

Not in this forum (as far as I've seen), but in many other online social interactions the problem is usual not that people try to be too nice but quite the opposite. If someone is asking for a critique, I try to be honest without being hurtful. I figure one of the the best things about coming together to talk about our hobby is to share our knowledge and learn from each other. We are like a quilting bee from earlier times, only with more than 250,000 members. I have learned so much from all the wonderful people who share their knowledge and ideas on this board.

bearisgray 05-26-2017 06:21 PM

As far as I know, and from the posts that I have read - people have bent over backwards to be kind and encouraging.

Almost everyone has added an "IMHO" or something like that when they are remotely unenthusiastic about something.


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