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When a person is "self-quilt-policing"

When a person is "self-quilt-policing"

Old 05-24-2017, 09:55 AM
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Default When a person is "self-quilt-policing"

When a person asks something like "Is this noticeable?" -

Why do so many people say, "no, it isn't"?

It seems to me that if a person asks the question, it is bothering that person to some extent.


If I have my underwear on backwards - I don't think many people would be aware of it - but I would be and it would bother ME until I changed it.


It is true that many "mistakes" are not that noticeable to a casual observer - but if it bothers the maker and is a comparatively easy "fix" - why not encourage the fix more often?


Just wondering - - - -

I know we want to encourage each other - but if the person has ASKED -

As far as that goes - if I have posted a picture of a top/flimsy - I would appreciate someone pointing out an anomaly - and ask me if that was intentional or not.

I know we hear "we are our severest critics" - but is that a bad thing? It is considered rude for others to point out mistakes. (Although I do not consider it necessary to point out all my mistakes to everyone!)
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Old 05-24-2017, 10:13 AM
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I often wonder why someone will ask a question as to "should I fix this" and a lot of responses say, I can't notice anything, or it is your quilt you decide, or I would fix it. And I am always thinking the original poster already has the answer and will do it or not do it, no matter how many responses on any side of the coin are posted.
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Old 05-24-2017, 10:19 AM
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Originally Posted by Stitchnripper View Post
I often wonder why someone will ask a question as to "should I fix this" and a lot of responses say, I can't notice anything, or it is your quilt you decide, or I would fix it. And I am always thinking the original poster already has the answer and will do it or not do it, no matter how many responses on any side of the coin are posted.
I always wonder the same thing, Alyce. I know whether something bothers me enough to fix it or not. What others say usually doesn't change my mind. I don't know if they are looking for someone to reaffirm their decision or what.

I am one of my worst critics. I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing. It has driven me to excel at many things (some of which I never would have thought I could even do, much less excel at) so I don't see wanting to be really good as necessarily a negative unless it's taken to extremes.

I feel that if someone asks, they deserve an honest answer. But it seems like others think that isn't being supportive so if I don't know and if I don't know the person asking well, I usually just refrain from answering.
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Old 05-24-2017, 11:19 AM
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It is true that many "mistakes" are not that noticeable to a casual observer - but if it bothers the maker and is a comparatively easy "fix" - why not encourage the fix more often?
Simple really. Not my quilt, not my problem. If it bothers YOU, deal with it. You don't need MY permission either way.

I feel that if someone asks, they deserve an honest answer. But it seems like others think that isn't being supportive so if I don't know and if I don't know the person asking well, I usually just refrain from answering.
And this. People can get really nasty if they don't like an honest opinion. I've seen it here and elsewhere.

Last edited by popover; 05-24-2017 at 11:21 AM.
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Old 05-24-2017, 11:45 AM
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When I teach beginning quilting that question is often asked. My response usually is..if it is going to bother you then we can fix it and you will try to do it better next time. We will try to find the problem.

If it does not bother you then I will help you to do better next time...Look can you see it from a galloping horse.
I don't every remember being asked that from an advanced quilter.
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Old 05-24-2017, 11:59 AM
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And another thing -

If someone says "no one will notice" -

the original poster has just been dissed and called "a nobody"
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Old 05-24-2017, 01:00 PM
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A few years ago I posted a picture here and every one remarked about what a nice quilt it was. Not one person bothered to tell me that there was a very noticeable mistake in it that I didn't see because the closer you are to something the less you see the details.

I did notice it when I was looking at the responses. I did change it.

I really want to know if there is a mistake in my work. I will also mention this to others if it has not been mentioned in the posts when I read them.

We should be able to help each other openly with gratefulness.
peace

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Old 05-24-2017, 01:01 PM
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Originally Posted by bearisgray View Post
And another thing -

If someone says "no one will notice" -

the original poster has just been dissed and called "a nobody"

haha, yes it could be taken that way.
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Old 05-24-2017, 01:11 PM
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A lot of people need confirmation for their decisions to do or not do something. I never ask for opinions when it's something I'm creating. It's all mine. When finished I don't ask for other's feedback. The few times I gave my opinion when asked the askee acted like the victim because I didn't think it was wonderful. LOL

I enjoy the pictures of quilts that are not posted for opinions.

Last edited by Onebyone; 05-24-2017 at 01:14 PM.
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Old 05-24-2017, 04:17 PM
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Originally Posted by bearisgray View Post
When a person asks something like "Is this noticeable?" -

Why do so many people say, "no, it isn't"?

It seems to me that if a person asks the question, it is bothering that person to some extent.


If I have my underwear on backwards - I don't think many people would be aware of it - but I would be and it would bother ME until I changed it.


It is true that many "mistakes" are not that noticeable to a casual observer - but if it bothers the maker and is a comparatively easy "fix" - why not encourage the fix more often?
When people ask "Is this noticeable", I'm honest with them. I say it isn't if I feel it isn't. If your underwear is on backwards, I might not notice, either... In the quilting situation, they aren't asking if they notice, they're asking if I do.

When we are working on a quilt, we see every stitch being formed, and look at every square inch of it in the way no other sane person will. I don't believe in encouraging people to obsess over things that won't actually matter in the long run. Now, if the flaw matters (either artistically or structurally) I will encourage them to fix it, but I think most of the time we need to forgive ourselves the small mistakes and move on.

Mamagrande makes a good point - it's usually beginners who ask this question. I think that telling them it doesn't matter helps them "calibrate" their level of concern. You have to learn to live with some things being less perfect than you want; that's part of handicrafting.

There are levels to self-criticism. I agree, we are our own severest critics, and that isn't necessarily bad. However, people (and especially women) can go way too far. I don't believe in helping people beat themselves up over things that, in the big picture, aren't important enough to warrant that level of concern.

Originally Posted by bearisgray View Post
And another thing -

If someone says "no one will notice" -

the original poster has just been dissed and called "a nobody"
If I say that, I mean nobody to whom it hasn't been pointed out. I feel like that's pretty common in spoken English.
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