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Thread: Food Clues for the Clueless

  1. #1
    Super Member SaraSewing's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    AZ/Utah border
    If you have kids bound for college, be sure to go thru this with them first! I about died laughing when my friend sent it.

    BREAD: Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially
    acceptable "spots" that should be seen on the surface Of any
    loaf of bread. Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth
    areas are good indications that your bread Has turned into a
    pharmaceutical laboratory experiment.

    CANNED GOODS: Any canned goods that have become the size or
    shape of a softball should be disposed of. Carefully.

    CARROTS: A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not

    CEREAL: It is generally a good rule of thumb that cereal
    should be discarded when it is two years or longer beyond
    the Expiration date.

    CHIP DIP: If you can take it out of its container and bounce
    it on the floor, it has gone bad.

    DAIRY PRODUCTS: Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like
    yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like
    cottage cheese. Cottage Cheese is spoiled when it starts to
    look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but
    spoiled milk anyway and Can't get any more spoiled than it
    is already. Cheddar cheese is spoiled when you think it is
    bleu cheese but you Realize you've never purchased that

    EGGS: When something starts pecking its way out of the
    shell, the egg is probably past its prime.

    EMPTY CONTAINERS: Putting empty containers back into the
    refrigerator is an old trick, but it only works if You live
    with someone or have a maid.

    EXPIRATION DATES: This is NOT a marketing ploy to encourage
    you to throw away perfectly good food so that you'll spend
    More on groceries. Perhaps you'd benefit by having a
    calendar in your kitchen.

    FLOUR: Flour is spoiled when it wiggles.

    FROZEN FOODS: Frozen foods that have become an integral part
    of the defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will
    Probably be spoiled (or wrecked anyway) by the time you pry
    them out with a kitchen knife.

    GAG TEST: Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for
    leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night).

    LETTUCE: Iceberg lettuce is spoiled when you can't get it
    off the bottom of the vegetable crisper without sandpaper.

    Romaine lettuce is spoiled when it turns liquid.

    MAYONNAISE: If it makes you violently ill after you eat it,
    the mayonnaise is spoiled.

    MEAT: If opening the refrigerator door causes all stray
    animals within a three-block radius to congregate outside
    your house, the meat is spoiled.

    POTATOES: Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or
    dense, leafy undergrowth.

    RAISINS: Raisins should not be harder than your teeth.

    SALT: It never spoils.

    UNMARKED ITEMS: You know it is well beyond prime when you're
    tempted to discard the Tupperware along with the food.
    Generally Speaking, Tupperware containers should not burp
    when you open them.

    GENERAL RULE OF THUMB: Most food cannot be kept longer than
    the average life span of a hamster. Keep a hamster in or
    near your refrigerator to gauge this.

  2. #2
    Super Member MissTreated's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    N61 6.1839', W149 52.0138'
    :D :D :D

  3. #3
    Power Poster amma's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Out searching for some sunshine :-)
    Blog Entries
    Oh My :lol: :lol: :lol: I am going to pass this one on for sure :lol: :lol: :lol: I will be chuckling over this one every time I open the fridge or cupboard :lol: :lol: :lol:

  4. #4
    Moderator tlrnhi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    In the middle of a mess...

  5. #5
    Super Member sondray's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Natural Bridge, VA
    :lol: :lol: :lol:

  6. #6
    Super Member Chele's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Belle Isle, Florida
    Hilarious! :lol:

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