I suggest asking your gd if she has thought of using paper plates, plastic cutlery and disposable glasses. Did she ask you to bring wine? Maybe she has a beverage planned. Do you know for sure she doesn't have a coffee pot? Ask her, maybe she'd like one for an early Christmas gift. Showing up with all your stuff may be overwhelming and she could take it wrong. It may make her feel inadequate that she doesn't have all the nice things you brought, plus it could hurt her feelings. She wants to host the event so let her do it her way. Stop thinking of all the things she doesn't have, instead suggest things to her and let her decide. Maybe she already has some plans that don't mesh with yours. Let her do her thing, she'll get through the day, proud of herself and will learn from the experience.

I'm in my late 60s so am sick of coordinating anything, particularly Thanksgiving dinner. We invite friends who don't have families and everybody brings things. A friend who lives across town brings the turkey, gravy, and stuffing. Another (who is a terrible cook) buys pies at a local restaurant. Another brings pickles and olives. I do the vegetables, snacks, table, drinks, clean up. This year I'm using paper plates for dessert! Make it fun for all and remember that the most important thing is that you are together. You are very lucky to have your family to share this holiday with.

It has been resolved. First, guest list is now smaller, her significant other's parents have declined invitation, so just 8 at table......and she bought a dining room table with 6 chairs so we're golden!
between dd- her mom, and me, we will bring side dishes, etc. she doesn't need extra dishes/silver...I will, however, bring wine and wine glasses! I'll leave the glasses at her place...for any of her future guests!
i will prepare my food Wednesday, put in crockpots, deliver to her townhouse Wednesday, Thursday morning, she can plug them in and they will be done by 1:30 dinner hour! I will bring dessert and some appetizers on Thursday......just because.....

no offense intended here, but paper plates, plastics utensils and glasses, for me, are just for summer cookouts/picnics(are there such things anymore)....
actually, I even have plastic outdoor dishes for cookouts.i guess I am really old school!.

i was over thinking...just wanted her "first" family get together to be as good as possible...and it will be...she will carry on and create her own traditions.......and I just better divest myself of some of the trappings of being the hostess with the mostest - and enjoy being the dowanger guest! Happy thanksgiving to all!

Ask her if there will be room in the oven for your contributions. If not ask if she would like to borrow the turkey roaster. She may not have thought of asking to use yours. I know my family now assumes the oven is filled and brings foods to be prepared in the kitchen just prior to dinner or more frequently in crock pots. Happy Thanksgiving!

Kudos to your granddaughter for taking on this daunting task. I am sure that all will be fine.

Hi Geri,

I am glad you have got this sorted out. I wish you a wonderful Thanksgiving.

M

Ask your gd who else is coming and what they are bringing, also ask if paper plates etc. are acceptable. More info will help.

I am the one that hosts the dinner. I don't have fancy tableware and linens like my MIL would have used. I use my Corrella dishes. The families have grown and spilt so it is now just me, hubby, our kids and grands. None of the SIL, BIL! Or -in laws. It's not as "nice" as in my early married years but my kids are ok with that. It's not the pretty dishes, it's the family. Heck, last year we did breakfast because of the hassle of kids having to go to both sides. I love having everyone over but I hate the rush to get to a second meal, or show up here already stuffed! Whatever makes it simple and enjoyable for everyone!!!! Happy Thanksgiving to you all.

Well whatever your situation I hope you all have a nice Thanksgiving holiday....I hope to!!!

Your story reminded me of one of our first years of marriage; about year 4. We suddenly decided we needed to do T.G. Dinner. It went okay with us just doing the turkey and dressing. Think my hubbie's sister knew I really didn't know what I was doing, so they just divided it all up and brought it. It was a fun day and fun experience!
ENJOY THE DAY!