Originally Posted by
Lady Diana
If it is your money, you can spend it the way you want, correct? He said it is "our" money??? Does he have tools in the garage? Does he have a variety of guns? What is his hobby? Life is too short not to enjoy getting and using things that will make you happy. Take a deep breath, know that you made a good deal. Don't dwell on the deception of a few dollars. Just don't do that again. Be up front. I would have a sit down talk with him in the near future and tell him that as partners you have a right to enjoy your hobby, as you support his. Tell him that he makes you feel guilty when you spend money on your hobby and you are not going to feel that way anymore. If it is taking food out of his mouth, or if you are not paying bills, then he can complain. However, let him know that his negative reaction everytime you make a hobby purchase will no longer bother you. You are an equal partner and partners should always support and respect each other. You are allowing him to make you feel guilty...deep down it is not guilt over the lie on the price, it is the guilt he makes you feel for purchasing something that is for you to enjoy.
Ask hubby if he wants you to enjoy life. If he says yes, then case closed, spend what you can afford on your hobby. If he says no, then boot him out the door with all his tools, guns, computers, software, games, motorcycle, and sports stuff. He knows how to lay down guilt. Don't accept it! If you don't own the guilt you will be much happier and enjoy your life.
Diana in TX
I agree with Diana. This isn't about your new tool, this is about your relationship with your husband. A century ago the man ruled the family (why isn't clear, but probably because he brought home the paycheck... the woman did nothing but raise the kids, keep the house in order, cook, sew, help out friends, etc.). Ever since WWII the value of women and their contributions has been openly recognized. You don't have a right to tell you husband what to do with his life as long as it is in the realm of your marriage vows, and he doesn't have the right to tell you what to do. You need to sit down together and make sure your goals in life are compatible. Work out what either of you can spend money for and how much. My hubby and I talk about the big things and ignore the smaller (the ones we both feel we can afford). Never should either of you feel guilty about spending money on something that is important to you. If it (say a sewing gaget) isn't important to him then he doesn't need to use it! And if you don't like his weed eater or brand new set of tools then you don't have to use them. I have a friend who is uncomfortable on water and doesn't want to be in the fancy boat her husband bought. He knew she didn't like being out on the water, but now he's mad because he spent so much money on it and she cried when he tried to make her go on it! Go figure???? Talk to each other. If he won't really talk about these things then do what you think is reasonable and get on with your life.
I have to add one more thing.... Years ago my husband invitied a new employee and his family to our house in the country and we walked, kids and all, the mile to the river and back. The guy was still trying to impress my husband (I guess) and talked about how he would work hard all week at his new job. He went on to say he works on Saturdays on the lawn and house and on Sundays he has his wife serve him coffee in bed. My hubby said, "Oh, I bring Sierra coffee in bed every morning!" The man (actually) said "That's discusting!" To which my husband said, "No, what's discusting is Sierra before she's had coffee." The wife, hubby and I all burst out laughing and the husband couldn't understand what was so funny! They only had two or three very active children...... We had five. No clue.....