starshine

If she is ever at a place for a memory quilt, the thought that comes to mind is to give it to her at some other time than Christmas, perhaps not connected to any special day or holiday. But there was a suggestion if there is a time she is open to it, that you offer her the opportunity also to work with you on it. And if that happens she can receive it when it is finished.

Joya

Why do you need to mention the lady in question? Her memories are all frought with a lot of negativity and drama right now. The bottom line is you want to offer comfort to your SiL... (Is it your Son-in-law or Sister-in-law?) By all means make a quilt or what ever you want to make. Just make sure it is offered as an object of comfort.....NOT to mention Mother...the emphasis now should be on the survivor(s)... so give your gift for his or her comfort, not with sad strings attached.
I say this from the point of view of someone who is in the middle of five generations of severe depression. It is seldom really understood by others. The deceased victim should not be blamed, but usually is.

gaigai

Unless you are absolutely confident you know exactly how your SIL felt about her mother I wouldn't even go there. You want to help, not hurt, and I think a comfort/cuddle quilt would be perfect. It says you care, without focusing on the source of the pain.

Quilt4u

Same here.

mardilee

Dear sahm4605, please listen to spring. Forget about the memory quilt. When a person has gone through a lifetime of agony with a mentally ill parent, no amount of time heals that wound. Don't make it worse by making something that will constantly remind her of bad times. A cuddle quilt on the other hand, will let your SIL know that she is loved and cared about now:-)

mimiknoxtaylor

I agree with Sadiemae. My husband's brother took his own life & it's been 15 yrs & I'd say he'd just now be receptive to a memory quilt but maybe not even now. But a comfort quilt would be great!

Momma_K

You are a very wise woman. I couldn't have said it better myself. Depression runs in my family on both mother and fathers side...I have it but learned to fight hard when the meds don't help. But I have a brother and sister that are bi-polar and on disability with it. And too, each person reacts differently with this...And however this is done about the quilt, do it with kindness. Kathy

firecrackerpam

Bless you. Your heart is in the right place. There are always so many conflicting feelings when something like this happens. A comfort quilt is the way to go.

TN Donna

I was raised with a mentally ill father who was in hospitals and out again. The sad fact is the drugs they gave didn't always work and I am the product of the bad side of that fact. I was mentally and physically abused by my father. He was dead 29 years before I finally realized last year it was over. I have suffered depression as well as my 3 sisters and 1 brother and my mother. We have all fought to keep it at bay. I have one daughter who is severely depressed and is seeking help for it. I don't think the fact that I was abused will ever go away but the fact that my father is dead and I now realize I never bonded with him hurts worse than the abuse ever did.
A comfort quilt would be good but not a memory quilt now. I wanted to make one from mama's many clothes but my sisters couldn't accept the fact at the time. The gave all of her clothes to charity and I missed the chance. Maybe it would be good to ask her if she would want to help you make the quilt later. You are such a caring person to do this from the heart.

2livesdown7togo

I think you can't go wrong if you give her the quilt in your avatar for the moment.

I'd ask brother to allow you to select some things you might want to use for a memory quilt to be given later - you would know what you're looking for, it's your vision.

And maybe family memories need to be the theme, not just focusing on the mother. If the whole family is in the quilt, it's a reminder about supporting each other along the way.

JMHO